Psycho?

fischerspooner

So my mate is teaching english abroad right now and he kissed this kiwi chick he worked with when he was drunk one night, no sex or nothing, and she got totally weird after that so he said he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. He fwded me the email she sent him afterwards, get a load of this, I can't make any sense of it, but holy christ what a nutcase...

Dear X,

this little missive isn't intended as an ambush; at any rate you intimated last might that your skin has enough to deal with courtesy of 'tide alpine fresh' aside from fortressing itself against an onslaught of virtual sandpaper. but still i've glossed over the fact, and it needs to be said, that your whole policy of quitting friendship while we're supposedly 'ahead' is *hurtful*. (ahead of what, aside from your own self-fulfilling ironclad paradigm of cynicism disguised in the practical footwear of supposed 'realism', i'm not too sure, but maybe i missed something). it's easier to say to you here as in conversation i seem to get drawn into the default humour of joking around about this when it is in fact significant to me; as immensely enjoyable as that can be it's still a diversion.
meeting you is significant to me in that you are the realest not to mention most interesting and inspiring person i've met here, and the privilege of spending time with you *does* make a difference to me. it's no mean feat to have caused me to perceive a more stable groundplane beneath the black ice and smeary glass of general dull and slipping social interaction in any kind of temporary set-up like this. what's hurtful is that you would take this genuine relating and overlay it with a perceived tawdry agenda on my part which, jokes aside, doesn't exist, and then have it disqualify any chance on my part to spend time with you platonically. so what if i 'hardly know you' as you say; it's really very much beside the point. sure, i have feelings for you but i'm confident of being emotionally dextrous enough to shelve them to dust in favour of what matters more (ie simply appreciating another human being)- are you not able to maturely meet me here and give up this whole avoidance malarky? in terms of how you feel, sure maybe you can't be arsed to be friends or simply don't give a **** and that's your prerogative; if so, that's fine, knock yourself out. but then with your supposed engineering skills you ask me why you're destroying so many bridges? making holes in boats to bail them quicker doesn't really leave you with anything to cross with. you may think writing to you is a completely misguided activity but aside from me needing to express how i feel you also showed a casual scientific interest in witnessing me angry; this isn't quite it, but you have managed to somehow very quickly get under my skin and create agitation, so, questionable congratulations for that.
anyway, undoubtedly you see all this differently.

take care
i won't call but hope you will sometime

later


p.s. i thought of you this morning when i got an e-mail from a friend of mine who tags his messages with a quotation that i usually find quaintly irritating but which today made me think of your editing processes, me absented and whatever wisdom fantastical dwarves have to add creating this evening's wallpaper for you. so here's a collage to go on your wall next to your pictorial homages to isolation; call it 'ode to interaction', not quite an irish drinking song but ****, we're not so eloquent down south.-

>Reality itself emerges from an assembling of subjectivities in >permanent evolution.
> - Maren Köpp, (Knowbotic Research KR+cF, Köpp and Zielinski)

Karl Hungus

Is she a good looking psycho though?

garthv

Sounds like she got a dictionary and just put a whole load of fancy words together...
I cant make head nor tails of that

ahead of what, aside from your own self-fulfilling ironclad paradigm of cynicism disguised in the practical footwear of supposed 'realism', i'm not too sure, but maybe i missed something

Footwear???

LegacyUser

Karl Hungus wrote:

Is she a good looking psycho though?

ha ha

Rhyme

Alpine Fresh?

man-in-cognito

Good Christ! Reading that mail has given me a headache..
I'm going to lie down..

JungleBunny

GaRtH_V wrote:

Sounds like she got a dictionary and just put a whole load of fancy words together...
I cant make head nor tails of that

More like a thesaurus than a dictionary!

Shabadu

Does this remind anyone else of the time Joey wrote a letter using a thesarus in Friends?

super_furry

I think........THINK...........she wants him to help her put up some shelves.

Siogfinsceal

god tell him to stay a way that sounds like my ex. If he knew he was wrong he would text me cr*p like that to try and appear more intelligent.

Rhyme

super_furry wrote:

I think........THINK...........she wants him to help her put up some shelves.

Definitely... wait, maybe elves?

scribs

Man - That e-mail is so funny
What a freeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
Did she honestly think that an e-mail like would make him want to spend time with her.

Funny Sh*t

super_furry

Hmmmm.....could be elves alright, there's definately "fantastical dwarves" in there towards the bottom, so elves are probably lurking somewhere too.

Duckjob

This is why Dawsons Creek should be banned from the airwaves forever

You know when you're in the middle of nowhere, how your mobile battery depletes very quickly from trying to lock into a signal thats not really there. at all. My brain is now depleted after that read.

Dilly1

Ah ... he better get used to it

Thats the first of many Pyschos he will encounter in his lifetime.

I wish I had kept my 'crazy girl' letter now, I could have posted it here.

oh well ... foresight EH !

Mr.Nice Guy

I don't know if she's pyscho but she may very well be a robot.

Sleepy

Someone takes Radiohead album sleeves WAY too seriously!

Duckjob

The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead...

CombatCow

Those crazy kiwi chicks

:rolleyes:
CC

Dave

She makes a valid point though.....

:eek:

Siogfinsceal

mad as a box of frogs......
unless shes very very hot looking she wont get away with acting that crazy for long ;-)

joejoem

Men are such bastards........ :rolleyes:



Does she have a sister?

Kingp35

im so attracted to that girl right now!

bishop brennan

The words"Bunny" and "Boiler" spring to mind.

Siogfinsceal

im not a man im a chick!

joejoem

bishop brennan wrote:

The words"Bunny" and "Boiler" spring to mind.

As do Mrs and Bobitt

pdunno

obviously mental

joejoem

Siogfinsceal wrote:

im not a man im a chick!

OoOooooo K?

Rhyme

Duckjob wrote:

The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead...

Engines running but no-one behind the wheel
Lights are on but no-one home
Nine pound note
etc...

simu

Hmm hmmm hmmm... interrrrresting.

It seems like she's putting on an "artist in despair" act. Personally, I'd avoid her after that but maybe others would act differently. Whatever the case, that's a letter worth keeping for amusement at a later date!

Sauron

sleepy wrote:

Someone takes Radiohead album sleeves WAY too seriously!

lol sounds like it tbh...

Rb

She sounds like a fun person to have in your life

bounty_hunter

super_furry wrote:

I think........THINK...........she wants him to help her put up some shelves.

Dear god I laughed. Oh yes.

Femelade

so, does anybody, i mean anybody, actually GET what she's saying?
it went right over my head and my eyes got sore.

The Sweeper

I found it quite funny for its content more than the delivery. I always find it hysterical when people go off on multisyllabic rants that increase in word-size in direct proportion to how angry they actually are.

And I reckon she's fuming.

ando

she sounds like a great laugh to be with

el lupo

me absented and whatever wisdom fantastical dwarves have to add creating this evening's wallpaper for you.

Psycho maybe, but she does seem to know some little people with a penchant for interior decorating.

Tell your mate to run while he still can or he might find himself coming home and finding his house has undergone a magical midget makeover...mmmm, cavey

StupidLikeAFox

fischerspooner wrote:

... maybe you can't be arsed to be friends or simply don't give a **** and that's your prerogative

Nothing in the thesaurus for "arsed" then...?

Ann Elk

I've cracked it by jove!! I pasted it into a web translator and it came up with this -

Gjør meg stor gutt, gjør meg hard rett opp keyster! - I think it means "do me big boy, do me hard right up the keyster!"

nobodythere

Is it just me, or is anyone else thinking 'this is my kind of girl'? I thought the email was brilliant. Lovely metaphors

ArphaRima

If there are a few things I know about kiwis its that they are a little smarter than Australians. They cant handle their drink as well as them, and most of their women are built to handle saddles on their backs. Farming types.

In short: Shes a smart but drunk horse-woman. If she was good looking she wouldnt have to be bothered.

Chavster

fischerspooner wrote:

we're not so eloquent down south.-

You can say that again!

I can see what she's trying to say but man thats the long way around!

Amazotheamazing

I can see what she's saying, it's the lack of punctuation that makes it difficult to read. She writes like someone who's worked hard on stream of conciousness writing. Don't think she's crazy, needy maybe, but not crazy.

MojoMaker

Cut 'n paste...has been going round email for a few weeks now. Nothing to do with the OP. Shame, would have been funny if true.

xzanti

What I can gather from it was that shes criticising him for not wanting to be friends with her and also trying to make him feel like hes the one with the problem and that he's anti social or something... Also with him being and English teacher I think she was trying to impress him with her English skills*

But yeah sounds like a loolaa to me :eek:

fischerspooner

actually she's an english teacher too as far as I know. To the moron above who says I copied and pasted it, can you please back up your idiotic accusation with some evidence? Jesus christ some people...

butters scotch

huh?? that made no sense... :eek:

Naos

I cannot believe she said "malarky" ...

passive

moderately, if not extremely, insane... I like it.