Haikus

Chils

This is my first posting to this forum.

I had hoped to post a reply to MobileInfantry's "Dread" poem, but obviously can't.

Short poems or stories are fascinating, as they really test your ability to be concise and your power to convey your thoughts with speed and accuracy. The "Dread" poem is a perfect example. The words slid over my consciousness as easily as the insiduous fingers of dread or fear. Pow, you're caught up in the image, strangled in space for a moment.

I mess around with haikus as a way to stretch the brain before I write anything. Also, I found them the perfect medium for punching through to a feeling and getting it out in the open.

I have never let anyone read anything that I have written, except for my ex. But then, the state of our relationship may say alot about my writing.

Anyway, as my attempt to do one scary thing everyday, I present for your pleasure or contempt a sampling of haikus that I have written. There does not appear to be any standardised rules for haiku composition in any language other than Japanese, but I like to adhere to the 5/7/5 metre.

"This is my life now.
Blond and blue-eyed boy of mine;
Your smile a sunbeam."

"They slipped through the cracks -
Those lost to despair and fear.
No one brought them back."

"Passion rules us now.
To submit and dominate;
We are free to be."

There are specific meanings to these haikus, the question is whether I managed to convey the subject matter accurately. You be the judge.

Chils

Raphael

You need a kigo
A reference to a season
But they're very good

TerrorFirmer

Aww....I'm blushing ->

Seriously though, I like your work here, but, I don't really know anything about Haikus, can anyone enlighten me? I was never one to be aware of specific technique or guidlines with regards to any form of expression....I write it, just how I feel like writing it

BEAT

his eyes were like glass
her soul hot like summer heat
the rain cleansed them all

see above example, a haiku needs more than 5-7-5 metre...it also needs a reference to a season as raphael stated above

Raphael

You can ignore it
But if you do then it makes
Haiku too easy

Chils

Hi guys,

Thanks for taking the time to read them. Just to let you know that I don't adhere to strict hokku rules, so the lack of seasonal reference (kigo) is deliberate. Poetry was never my strong suit, but freeform haiku appeals to me as a medium for transmitting single ideas in a fun way. Hey, maybe I just like counting syllables.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and for assisting my on my first step towards something new.

Raphael

Fair 'nuff I suppose
Kigo can be restricting
Keep up the good work!

lilmissprincess

ok, what the hell is kigo?
I can't understand all this,
I'll leave it to all you guys
good luck with it all

BEAT

a Kigo is what makes up part of the Haiku...
it is a reference to a season, see my above example.

You are either writing a Haiku or you are not. Writing something that looks like a haiku does not make it a haiku

lilmissprincess

okey doke then... I'll leave ye be.. me and syllables don't get along..my one low point in English...

randomhuman

Chils wrote:

Just to let you know that I don't adhere to strict hokku rules, so the lack of seasonal reference (kigo) is deliberate. Poetry was never my strong suit, but freeform haiku appeals to me as a medium for transmitting single ideas in a fun way. Hey, maybe I just like counting syllables.

Right on. I write haiku the same way, and I think yours rock.

randomhuman

TurquoiseDream wrote:

a Kigo is what makes up part of the Haiku...
it is a reference to a season, see my above example.

You are either writing a Haiku or you are not. Writing something that looks like a haiku does not make it a haiku

Does that mean Shakespeare didn't write sonnets?

el lupo

Barrel of monkeys
How did they get them in there
monkeys are vicious


I like poems about monkeys...does a monkey count as a season? How about in terms of "the year of the monkey", a year beats a season any day! (ok, I know it's a Chinese reference)

Raphael

randomhuman wrote:

Does that mean Shakespeare didn't write sonnets?

wiki wrote:

The form consists of three quatrains and a couplet. The couplet generally introduced an unexpected sharp thematic or imagistic "turn". The usual rhyme scheme was a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g.

Tell me, how exactly did he not write sonnets?

randomhuman

Raphael wrote:

Tell me, how exactly did he not write sonnets?

From that very same article:

wikipedia wrote:

In its original form, the Italian sonnet was divided into an octave followed by a sestet. The octave stated a proposition and the sestet stated its solution with a clear break between the two. Though Giacomo da Lentini octave rhymed a-b-a-b, a-b-a-b it became later a-b-b-a, a-b-b-a. For the sestet there were two different possibilities, c-d-e-c-d-e and c-d-c-c-d-c. In time, other variants on this rhyming scheme were introduced. Typically, the ninth line created a "turn" or volta, which signaled the change in the topic or tone of the sonnet.

So if Shakespeare and others could take the sonnet form, adapt it to their needs and still have it be called a sonnet, why is the adaptation of the Japanese haiku form any different?

From the Haiku article:

wikipedia wrote:

The old hokku required a long period of learning and maturing, but the new haiku is an "instant" form of brief verse that can be written by anyone from child to professional. Though conservative writers of modern haiku still keep closer to the old standards of hokku (some even using the traditional kigo or season word), the majority of present-day writers have dropped virtually all of the traditional standards, emphasizing personal freedom and pursuing ongoing experimentation, exploration and innovation in both form and subject matter.

...

Because of the great number of different views and practices today, it is impossible to characterize any current single style or format or subject matter as definitive "haiku." The term has broadened greatly in modern usage to cover any short verse descended in spirit from the reforms of Shiki.

Cultural practices adapt to new circumstances. The sonnet did it, and so has haiku.

Raphael

Ah, I see what you mean, hadn;t understood your point.

The same doesn;t really apply though, in terms of the conversion from the Italian to English sonnet the rhyme scheme was changed. Shakesperean sonnets are still a difficult and complex poem - particularily if you try to write them in iambic pentameter >.<

Wheras so called European haiku's are, to be perfectly honest, a lazy mans haiku. F'r example:

The storm clouds gather
Dead silence has come to be
Winter is coming

That's traditional haiku filling all proper requirements. Wheras a European haiku can be:

I fall out of my bed
With a frown plastered across my face
I hate Mondays

It's just a formatted sentence. The adaptation of cultural practice is all well and good, but not when it's at the expense of the poetry itself

Le Rack

you can tell by his tone
as he sits all alone
hands buried deep in his pockets.

ctrl-alt-delete

here are my efforts...

Early sun brings warmth,
To the blood of my cold veins,
Summer feels like love .

and

The lone silver fox,
Came crashing back towards earth,
Like the cold winter.


do they qualify?

Sarky

The middle line of the second is missing a syllable. Otherwise, yes.

Le Rack

what about me sarky what about me!

Sarky

No.

It should be 5-7-5, including a seasonal reference and ideally some sort of punctuation sepearting the piece in two.

Le Rack

I wrote that in first year and the teacher that was doing them said that that one was really good.... probably cuz most of the class didn't have a clue and I ended up doing three or four other peoples...

Piste

Fire Beneath my feet
Crunches under my footsteps
A place sun shines bright*





*I'm aware I jused used an adjective to describe a verb but for the purposes of keeping the haiku form I had to.

lilmissprincess

Can it be more pain
that you inflict on me now
or is it winter blues

erm...think i got it!

Anto and Moe

Cool Haikus! specially like ctrl-alt-deleat's cold veigns-y one! If you like haikus the one's in Fight Club are brilliant and should be checked out (the book, not the movie, which only has one. In the book he rights loads, "I am so Zen").