Is it just me?????

Happy?????

Hey there,

I have been reading posts here for months and just decided to add my thread on my problem

Basically I think I am destined to be on my own, because I don't think I can love someone I know it sounds stupid buts what I feel. I was in a long relationship a few years ago and I thought I loved him but then it all fell apart, I couldn't stand to see him,talk to him,let him touch me NOTHING. He never changed he was the same person all the way through the relationship so I can't blame him on it.

Everyone of my relationships starts the same, me being mad about the person,wanting to spend everyminute with him and then after a while completly going cold I think yeah this is it it has to be, and once he starts giving me what I wan't (affection) I don't want him any more. I start to look at other men etc etc but never ever have I been unfaithful. I think maybe I just like the chase and once I get the man I don't want him. The last year or so I have not had a realtionship at all - just the odd kiss or one night stand thats it - just gave myself a break from it all. I do now more than ever want to settle down with someone and do the whole mortgage and 2.4 kids but Im afraid that I will never get to that point in my life.

Am I the only one like this? Please tell me Im not.

AARRRGH

Why not go talk to a professional? There are obviously some serious issues going on. Start doing something about it today rather than waste another few years of your life...

Zulu

Welcome to modren Ireland. I feel the same way.
Quater life crisses perhaps? How old are you?

dramaqueen

It is definitely not just you.
I came out of a long term relationship about 3 years ago and haven't been able to get past a month with a guy ever since. I feel like it's the social norm to want to be in a relationship, but I just don't. As soon as I start to think that the guy is getting cozy, I'm gone.
Maybe there is something wrong with all of us cos I know plenty of people who feel the same way.
I like the idea of being with someone, but when it comes down to it, I feel claustrophobic. I guess one day I will meet someone who doesn't make me feel that way.
Fingers crossed that I'm not too busy running in the other direction to notice him!

AARRRGH

dramaqueen wrote:

Maybe there is something wrong with all of us

Of course there is!

Basically you are saying when a guy starts being nice to you you lose interest.

Do you like bastards by any chance...?

Not good! Not healthy!

dramaqueen

dublindude wrote:

Basically you are saying when a guy starts being nice to you you lose interest.

Do you like bastards by any chance...?

Not good! Not healthy!

No that is not what I am saying at all. I am saying that I bolt at the first sign of committment. I wish I didn't but there you go.

Happy?????

Maybe I am going through a quarter life crisis, im only 26 but I feel that I do want to settle down. Its not like I just want to go through life having flings. I do want it all. I do have a vision of what I want in a relationship and thats what I want nothing else. I do want love,friendship my soul mate I want it all but I don't think I can get it. I don't think I am going to get it because I won't settle for anything else.

pickarooney

Happy????? wrote:

I do want it all.

Yeah, that's the problem, because nobody you meet will have everything you want or need. There's no real solution, you'll just have to settle, convince yourself you don't really need everythig you thought you did, or remain alone.

Zulu

Happy????? wrote:

Maybe I am going through a quarter life crisis, im only 26 but I feel that I do want to settle down. Its not like I just want to go through life having flings. I do want it all. I do have a vision of what I want in a relationship and thats what I want nothing else. I do want love,friendship my soul mate I want it all but I don't think I can get it. I don't think I am going to get it because I won't settle for anything else.

You see that's just it. I'm a similar age and feel the same way. I'll meet a girl, then as soon as she starts to get comfortable, I get worried she's not right, and end it - instead of just enjoying the moment I'm in.
I have an idea of what I want, and I'm not prepared to settle for anything else. I look around, see friends getting engaged buying houses etc. and wonder should I settle for less? (of course I'm not going to, but the wait is a pain in the ass! )
Either ways what can you do, except get on with life.
"If you're not busy living - get busy dieing" ...or something.

jimmycrackcorm

I just think it is due to circumstances rather than any personal reason. Being older and wiser and having gone through the young and mad stages, i'd be more inclined to reason that:

A) it takes many wrong relationships to find the right one. Perhaps some time you'll find the right person who give you the affection you wish from the start and you'll just happen to be in the right frame of mind to accept it. i.e. you are not programmed to deal with relationships in a set pattern. Just as we developed from child to teenager to twenties thing, so too do we continue to change.

with the growing wealth in the economy, people have more choices and are taking much later to build relationships. I know so many single women with their own apartments who are in their early thirties that would have been unthinkable ten years ago. But there is still a leftover nagging doubt that unless they are settled by 30 then they are spinsters.

In essence I think it is down to the right time and right person. So chill out.

Zulu

pickarooney wrote:

Yeah, that's the problem, because nobody you meet will have everything you want or need. There's no real solution, you'll just have to settle, convince yourself you don't really need everythig you thought you did, or remain alone.

Yea, but is the choice really "settle for less" or "remain alone"? I mean, suppose you settle, where are you in 20 years, unhapply married? Whats the point of that?

Happy?????

Zulu wrote:

Yea, but is the choice really "settle for less" or "remain alone"? I mean, suppose you settle, where are you in 20 years, unhapply married? Whats the point of that?

I agree with you Zulu I would prefere to be alone in 20 years time than unhapply married.

Jimmy you have a fair point there I suppose you have to kiss many frogs before you meet your prince - I just think Im not going to and thats that - im just going to have to knock myself out of that or maybe im just looking too hard.

DawnMc

You secretly hunger for bad boys.
All ladies go through this phase (many don't come out of it)
You prob find some really nice guys who treat you really well but slowly this begins to bore you........
seen many of my friends go through similar situations

Zulu

DawnMc wrote:

You secretly hunger for bad boys.
All ladies go through this phase (many don't come out of it)
You prob find some really nice guys who treat you really well but slowly this begins to bore you........
seen many of my friends go through similar situations

...and I hunger for bad girls? I can assure you thats not entirly true. I really don't think it's that simple; perhaps in adolescense you'd be right, but not late twenties.

...I could be wrong though.