Asking for opinions

Aisling(",)

I'm a 14 year old girl.Haven't got inot any major trouble in a while and i have just started going out with a 15 year old.The only problem is any time I've even mentioned a faint idea of having a boyfriend my mam immeadiatly says im too young.i'm fairly mature for my age and would like to tell my parents about my bf so i will have to stop lying about where i am all the time.My parents are very old compared to my friends parentsin their late 50's and are very strict expecting me in before 8 every night when all my friends are allowed out till 11/12.Ok I've gone off track but have you any ideas of how I can tell them about my boyfriend without them getting mad and forbidding me to see him.any opions would be greatly appreciated.

*Aisling*

Riamfada

Your parents are simply concerned for your wellbeing. You have to understand that , due to their age , they grew up in a totally different social enviroment. They would be worried about your sexual activites with your bf at such a young age. Perhaps try to relieve your parents worries on this front. If you are "active" your WAY to young

Endurance Man

Boyfriends at your age are WAY overrated . Just cause you grief and stress which at your age you dont really want.

_sara_

maybe you should just go out with him and not tell your mum and let her find out for herself

Jonny Arson

In situations like this dialogue is the key. Sit down with your parents for a chat, explain what's going on, ask them why they are being ridiculously overprotective, tell them your not happy about this and come to some sort of trust or agreement with them.

ziggy

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Aisling(",)

ziggy67 wrote:

I have to say though if i had a 14 year old daughter i would be overprotective too- boys will say anything to get what they want.
Be careful!

I'd never rush ninto anything and I wouldn't do anything I know I'm too young and my boyfriend is more innocent then me.I told my older sister who is like a mini version of my mam and she said not to tell her so I'll just keep on as it is

Flashling

Hmm, my first boyfriend I was worried about telling my mom too, not because she'd mind, but because she'd ask me creepy questions! But I had told my cousin (who is also my friend) who told her sister, who told her mom who told my ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY who told my mom. Who was then hurt that I hadn't told her first. What I'm trying to say is, she'll find out. Adults are sneaky like that. And maybe if you tell, she'll find it something you can "bond" over, if you know what I mean? That she might enjoy giving you advice and things like that. Or if she meets him, and finds out he's not that bad and scary, she might feel differently. Good luck anyway!

marshmallow

I definitely know where you're coming from Aisling.. It's so hard to decide what to do. My mum has no problems with me having guys as friends but one word of boyfriend and she starts getting extremely protective.

The first time I told her that I had a boyfriend (he wasn't my first) I sat down with my mum and told her that this guy and I had decided to go out and explained it to her. She asked lots of questions about him.. How I knew him, where he lived, about his family.. I thought she'd trust me for telling her the truth from the start but she still said I was too young.

She'll prolly find out one way or another.. Going behind her back is risky.

Le Rack

keep it secret! Way to many complications! Trust me!
My parents were way too over protective until they realised they couldn't protect me from the big bad world forever and at fifteen/sixteen there was a bit of trouble and I was told that they would be happy for me to find a sexual relationship its a grown up thing yada yada yada, and then the other week two years down the line the woman (my mammy) comes in gives me a little talk and hands me a packet of condoms!!! :eek:

Keep it secret for a while or have a group of friends over to watch a film and him be one of the group, so she can meet him without any stress

chump

Aisling(",) wrote:

I told my older sister who is like a mini version of my mam ...

That made me laugh!

Victor

I don't think I can say "tell" or "don't tell", but keeping secrets generally causes problems (whatever about surprise birthday parties) at some later stage.

I strongly suggest dialogue with your parents as to when they think you having a boyfriend would be acceptable and when certain activities will be acceptable.

And what constitutes "boyfriend" at 14? Best friend? Holding hands? Kissing? More intimate?

lazylad

I dunno. Your obviously more mature than I was at 14. When I was that age, I didnt give a sh*t about getin off with anyone. I though it was exciting trying to buy fags dwn in the shop or flushin someone I didnt likes bag in the toilet durin lunch hour in school(for very good reason)

Dimitri

My friend used to have the same problem when he was younger but mainly cause he was the eldest and his parents though not that old were the same age as mine while i was the youngest. He came to the conclusion that the easiest thing to do was tell them everything he did. When he was out bushing etc. with us he'd come home to the usual q's while we were all making up stupid stories but kinda getting away with it, he would just say "i was out in the field with the lads having a few cans" it took him about a year to wear them down, than though still dissapproving they began to just give in and trust his judgement, now they rely on his good judgement! Keeping secrets is never good regardless of the reasons. I'm sure you will get grief but unfortunately thats life, just carry on regardless.