* Need Advice - part 2 *

Anselm

Hi Guys

Thanks for everyone who offered advice, I really appreciate and it helps a small bit to know that I am not the only one.
I still dont know whats happening, we have spoken once this week, and she said that she cant talk to me now, and that she will contact me when its time to talk. I have no problem giving her space, but I guess I want to know whats happening. Still really cut up, cant stop the tears to be honest. I love her so much, so much. And I know she does too, even though she is confused and uncertain right now.

I said I would leave her alone until she contacts me, but its so so hard. I sent flowers to her office today, I just wanted to let her know I was thinking of her.
If its over, I feel like my life is over too, I know thats silly but its how I feel.

Id really appreciate any thoughts you guys may have

Thank you



Hi Guys, really need help if anyone is reading this. Im 26, and my girlfriend is 23 - absolute love of my life, we are together 2.5 years.
It hasnt been going as well as it could for about 6 months or so, mostly down to me giving her a hard time about stuff (me wanting to settle down, money, work, sex, usual stuff I guess). She is the most beautiful person on earth, so happy and cheerful, but I think I have ground her down and depressed her. We had a big row on Sat night, which basically lead to us splitting. We were both in an awful state. She says that she is miserable and hates herself and cant be with me anymore. She was devesated, and so was I. She left then, and I have only talked to her once since then. She says that she needs time to sort things out. I dont know what to do, I want to tell her how much I love her, and I know that if I get another chance I will take it. We love each other so much, I just pray that I havent blown it. Anyone I have talked to says to leave her, make no contact and let her come back to you. Its so difficult I feel like crying all the time, and am going out of my mind. I just want to call her and be with her again...
Please guys, has anyone got any advice ?

Thanks

Red Alert

face to face talk or else silence is what you need now. do not bother with flowers and the like, it makes you look bad to be honest.

Anselm

I just wanted to let her know I was thinking of her, without direct contact.
I said I would leave her alone until she contacted me - what to do ? Flowers say that Im thinking of her - i didnt know what else to do.

Any girls, do you think I did the right thing ? And should I leave her alone until she contacts me....

sins

You need to stay well away - do not contact her (which also means no flowers) until she is ready for you. Let her come to you when she wants to talk. I don't mean to sound harsh but your kind of smothering her. I know your mad about her but she does need her space and I think the only way she will get it is if you cut all contact FOR THE MOMENT. It is going to be very very hard for you but it has to be done if you want this to work. Otherwise you are just going to push her further away.

yossarin

Not a girl but: stay away until she gets back to you.

All you're saying with the flowers is that you can't respect her desire to have a bit of time to think.

Anselm

Thanks. I have promised myself that however hard it is, I will not contact her until she has contacted me first.

Anselm

Yeh - its just so hard - especially with the weekend coming up. I dont want to go out, or drink - but when Im alone with my thoughts its just eating me up.

Chrissie

Agreed, you need to give her space.

I'd imagine that she's going through just as hard a time as you. She trying to figure out whether this is for the best or not, what she wants or not. The only way she can get this is to be completely separated from you.
I I received the flowers in this situation, firstly I'd probably bawl because it's a reminder of how much I miss the guy, make me think that maybe I'm making a mistake etc, that might be you intention, but at the end of the day, it'd just make me more confused & further from making a decision, because of this, I'd then get V annoyed with you for not doing as I ask.

It's V difficult for both of you. Give her time & good luck!

Anselm

****, i hoped the flowers would just remind her that I was thinking of her, without the pressure of a text/call/email ...

Chrissie

It is a sweet gesture, & your intentions may have meant well, but it does pressure her into thinking about you when maybe what she needs right now is to forget about you for a bit so she can get her head sorted.

I've always believed 'What's for you won't go by you', so if you don't get back together it's for a good reason & only time will let you see why.

Be strong, it'll all work out in the end

Anselm

Thanks Chrissie - i just got a text off her thanking me for the flowers, but saying that i amnt leaving her alone, and that she will call me next week, and to give her space....maybe it was a bad move, there is not much I can do i suppose

pdunno

Yeah well I'd try not to worry too much about the flowers - it's only a gesture and at the end of the day won't really affect her decision.

GO out at the weekend, get drunk and have a laugh - try to take your mind off everything. But don't get too hammered and end up pussing and balling over everything, try and put it to the back of your mind and have a laugh with your mates.

dramaqueen

Anselm wrote:

****, i hoped the flowers would just remind her that I was thinking of her, without the pressure of a text/call/email ...

The problem as far as I can see it is that everything is always on your terms. You say that you have changed and that you will respect her wishes but then you prove that that is not the case by ignoring her request.
You wanted her to know that you were thinking of her. It shouldn't always be about you.
To you the flowers were a gesture. If I was your girlfriend they would be a pressure.
I know you are going crazy waiting for her but the fact is that you pressurised her during your relationship, and that drove to her running away.
Why are you not learning your lesson?
I'm sorry if I offend you but you really need to look closely at your actions.
Just leave her alone.
If she comes back to you great. If she doesn't deal with it then.
The odds are if you give her some space she will remember what she loves about you. Right now with every contact, you are only reminding her of why she ran away in the first place.
This is a problem that you can't just fix.
Frustrating as that may be for you.

dublinhottie

I was in a relationship before that I just needed a break for a while just to think about things and I asked for my space, he promised to give it to me but never did. Kept texting me, phoning me, calling to my house - I asked him time and time again that he wasn't giving me what I needed and in the end I had to call an end to things. I know you are only trying to let her know that you are thinking about her and that you love her but honestly the best way for you to do that is by giving her the space she need.

Anselm

Thanks a lot, I will leave her alone I can see now all she needs is time. I hope to god that things work out, Im devestated here.