break ups - give me hope

LegacyUser

I guess what I really want is some assurance/hope off posters here.

Recently came out of a long term relationship and am lost.

I understand why the relationship came to an end and there is nothing I can do about it - even though it hurts like hell - but feel so alone right now - even with family and friends support.

I feel a bit panicky for the fact that I may never meet someone else that I can love again. Right now I am trying to look to the future but cant see happiness.

Has anyone out there ever had a break-up (after a serious, long term relationship), thought these things, yet successfully found another partner? Any success stories to give me hope?

ARGINITE

Has anyone out there ever had a break-up (after a serious, long term relationship), thought these things, yet successfully found another partner?

Went through the same thing about 10 months ago now.
Felt the same way, taught I would never find another person like her. But now I know that I will.
Nothing anybody says will make it feel any better, the only thing that really helps is time.
The first 2 weeks are a total Bi*tch and the first month is a real pain in the ass. But after that things will get a little better, and after more time things will get a lot better untill you can move on.
Its just one of those things that everybody will go through at some stage in their life, probally more than once.
When I posted on boards about the same thing it helped me.
Hope it helps you.

Red Alert

Long term and serious are two different things. Combined they can make you feel like you are now when you break up.

Separate yourself from this person - have no contact with them at all for as long as you need to be over them.

You will be very surprised at how quickly you'll be able to adapt to being single again if you let yourself. Someone who's just broken up is often viewed as a loose cannon by the opposite sex - and with good reason too in many cases.

Enjoy being single, and when you're comfortable with that then who knows who might come along

Be strong, it's not easy but you'll get there.
R>A>

Farls

Read the other threads on here, theres 2/3 very good long threads on this in recent times that will give you hope if you read them through I think, well they really helped me out.

No matter how bad you are now things will get better, wanna get it off your chest and give us the jist of what happened?

Gazza22

After ending a relationship, your bound to be lost. Everybody does be..

You are going to go through a withdrawl period as such. You will probably be thinking alot about the relationship, evaluate it's highs/lows ect but after this you will be fine.

You are just feeling weird now that you are single but believe me, you will meet somebody else. Imo enjoy being single for the time being and just let nature take it's course!

Good luck

defiantshrimp

I came out of a long term relationship a year or so back and I felt a bit lost. I was completely unused to meeting new girls and it was tough for a while because we were quite close. I also really missed the feeling of being close and intimate with someone else. It is normal to feel lost and alone for a while. But time heals all! After a few false starts, I'm finally with a girl I'm really into again. Enjoy being single, it is difficult to get into but it can be done! I'd say you should keep some distance between you and your ex and try and forget about them. It sucks if the breakup wasn't a mutual thing, but look on the bright side of things. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

maybelline

TheBlues wrote:

I feel a bit panicky for the fact that I may never meet someone else that I can love again. Right now I am trying to look to the future but cant see happiness.

Has anyone out there ever had a break-up (after a serious, long term relationship), thought these things, yet successfully found another partner?

I had my break-up about a year ago now, it was serious, it was long term - and I did feel like you do now. I'm still a single, but now I know that I want to love again and I'm sure I will find a man to love. I feel lonely from time to time and I miss being close with someone else, but that's ok.

Separate yourself from your ex - it's the best for both of you.

CathyMoran

I went through a very messy and painful longterm serious breakup within the past 3 years. For the first week I cried a lot of the time, the first month was very hard, then I realised that he did not deserve my tears and started to get my life (and my friends who I had lost contact with during the relationship) back. After a while I met someone who made me feel special again and whom I am still friends with. For me it was a real test of character, for the first month I wallowed, now, I would never let anyone hurt me like that again so I am stronger if a bit less nieve. You will love again.

My full sympathy to you at this time.

LegacyUser

i think most people who post on this section of boards have been through that relationship breakup stuff. look at the other threads in PI and read tru them. friends after relationship, i cant get over her etc. its a hard time, People give up all the friends,or never really had a chance to make some (lovers since 15 years old etc),lak of ambition and really lonely, feel depressed and even suicidal, their whole world as caved in. From personal experience and from other board posters its seems relationships that last more than a year and less than 5 take roughly 3-4 months to fully recover from it, but you can never put a time on it. Just hang in their, dont worry be happy now!!!

Dave

My girlfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago now, and I too felt the same sense of loss, which I assume is only natural, and it took a bit of will power not to send the "I was wrong to break up with you" messages. But I'm after meeting an amazing spainish girl, and it's true what they say, The best way over someone is under someone. You'll meet someone new and forget all about your ex.

440Hz

Been there as well! It was very serious, too serious for our age at the time I think, and when it ended I was totally gutted. I couldn't 'see the light at the end of the tunnel' and meeting someone else was something I just didn't want to think about. Tbh it took a long time for me to move on from those feelings, years in fact before I felt ready to be with someone else - but that was because I dragged it out - I couldn't face letting go so I just kept hanging on and hurting myself in the process. I totally agree with that the other posters have said about cutting all contact, even though it is one of the hardest things you will have to do. I knew at the time it was what I had to do, but I couldn't face it. It took me months to work up the courage to tell him I didn't want to be in touch anymore, it was so hard to say, but it was the best thing I could have done. I would never have moved on without taking that step. But you can only do that when YOU feel ready... don't feel pressure by other people telling you when to leave go - you will know yourself when the right time is.
Good luck, and remember you will ALWAYS come out the other end of how low you feel now!

LegacyUser

Thanks a million for all the encouraging replies.

I wont get into the nitty gritty of why we split, but it was on his call.

I didnt argue, just took it. Nothing I could have done. I tried really hard to make the relationship work.

We have had no contact at all since the day I left.

I was kinda (ok, "really") wishing, dreaming that he would contact me and say it was all a big mistake...or at least ask how I was (since the break was on his part). But nothing. I dont know if not having contact is good or bad.

Its so easy to sit by yourself and think of all the things I could have/should have done. As I said before, I really did try and make the relationship work but there are always regrets. Did I do enough? Easy to blame yourself, when you are on your own.

I feel like I am stuck, you know? I am trying to move on...deparately trying. I find myself sometimes thinking "What is he doing?", "Maybe he has someone else already".....Jealous I guess. I see friends and family together, couples together, being happy, doing things, busy and I feel so jealous of that happiness.

I was so used to him. Thats part of the problem too. Feels like Ive lost my right arm. Im scared that Ill feel like this forever (yes ive read some of the posts in other threads and some people say they never got over their ex).

jonny68

Gone through the whole s*it myself this year,not easy but you come out of it a bigger and better person as i have done ,remember that mate,onwards and upwards

440Hz

I really feel for you OP, I could have written exactly what you did a few years back. I know I said it already, but it really DOES get easier. It wont happen over night and it wont be easy, and it can only happen when you are ready. But everything you are feeling now is totally normal after losing someone who was that important to you... you feel like you have lost a big part of yourself, and right now you cant see anyone ever filling in that hole... you prob dont even want to imagine anyone else there.... but just give it time!

pdunno

Don't worry about meeting someone else, being in a relationship is the be all and end all. Take some time out to think of yourself for while, just do the things you like to do and enjoy the time you have not worrying and concenring yourself with someone elses feelings.

Being in a serious relationship means that you constantly had to take into consideration your partners wishes, wants, preferences. Why not just enjoy the time you have to look out for yourself for a change.

Like I said don't worry about meeting someone else, that will all come with time.

Farls

pdunno wrote:

Don't worry about meeting someone else, being in a relationship is the be all and end all. Take some time out to think of yourself for while, just do the things you like to do and enjoy the time you have not worrying and concenring yourself with someone elses feelings.

Being in a serious relationship means that you constantly had to take into consideration your partners wishes, wants, preferences. Why not just enjoy the time you have to look out for yourself for a change.

Like I said don't worry about meeting someone else, that will all come with time.

Some very good advice there...i'm starting to look at it not so much as a big piece of me missing but more as a weight of my shoulders. Like now you can go where you want, do what you want, for as long as you want and not have to consult your partner or worry about hurting them etc.

Deadwing

TheBlues, i know what youre talking about, i just lost my gf too, dont really feel like talking about it publicly though, but if you need anyone to talk to just pm me or email me, as i know what you mean when you say its like losing a part of you

LegacyUser

I split up with the wife and moved out 2 months ago, it was so crap at first. We were drifting apart for a couple of months previous to that anyway as i discovered she was cheating on me.
I really miss her like anyone else would after 6 years of being together, i keep thinking of trying to contact her and mostly talk myself out of it but on the occasions i have done its started the bitchiness between us so i tend not to now.

I feel im ready to move on but the test will be if i do meet someone, will i try and compare, i hope not. Ive joined a dating website and have been chatting to a couple of women for a couple of weeks just to gain my confidence again and it certainly makes you feel better, the test will be if we were to meet.

Anyway, i know its different for everyone but stick with it and things will work out for the best for all of us.

Richard