Relationship Issue

Dr. Bill · 16-09-2005 3:32pm #1

I'm 25 and this girl of 17 asked me out to her Debs. O know she has a crush on me and being honest I do fancy her but is the age gap too much? Should I go out with her??

Kinetic^ · 16-09-2005 3:35pm

Dr. Bill wrote:

I'm 25 and this girl of 17 asked me out to her Debs. O know she has a crush on me and being honest I do fancy her but is the age gap too much? Should I go out with her??

No, go for it

Dr. Bill · 16-09-2005 3:42pm

Would you not think an 8 year gap is too much???

ionapaul · 16-09-2005 3:44pm

Dr. Bill wrote:

Would you not think an 8 year gap is too much???

At the ages in question, I certainly would. I'm sure you'll get conflicting advice, but the fact that it's on your mind points to the fact you probably deep down think it might be inappropriate.

Dr. Bill · 16-09-2005 3:52pm

I have been thinking and thinking alright. Not sure what to do. She's really sweet and mature for her age. If I let her down I know it will break her heart. Arghhhhh!!!!!

irlirishkev · 16-09-2005 3:54pm

Go for it dude..

If nothing else you can have a laugh at all the drunk teenagers. Actually, that might prove a bad thing. Drunk teenagers are annoying, as I'm sure you're aware..

Ah just go for it!

Dr. Bill · 16-09-2005 3:59pm

Ummmm!!! I'm thinking that I will go but its the fact I know she will expect me to be her boyfriend.

adonis · 16-09-2005 4:01pm

there are certain perks that go along with being a girls boyfriend ;-)

irlirishkev · 16-09-2005 4:02pm

Dr. Bill wrote:

Ummmm!!! I'm thinking that I will go but its the fact I know she will expect me to be her boyfriend.

That does indeed throw a different light on things.. I'm judging from this that you don't want to go out with her. I'd find it tough going out with someone that young (speaking from experience here).. Only you can decide I'm afraid!

K.

Skitbra · 16-09-2005 4:23pm

Too young in my opinion. I mean can you not get anyone closer to your own age? She's only 17. I'm sure she'll get over you saying no.

deisedevil · 16-09-2005 4:23pm

adonis wrote:

there are certain perks that go along with being a girls boyfriend ;-)

lol. but a gf that young? the perks might not be all that great. I think you should def go along with her but try and give her the hint straight off that you are not looking for a relationship with her.

whiskeyman · 16-09-2005 4:34pm

A mate of mine (25) got asked to a debs of a girls he met at a club a few weeks ago.
He'd only met here twice before, but thought she was ok.
However, once he went to the Debs, the maturity gap, rather than age gap, showed out like a sore thumb.
He bascially said the rest were like a bunch of drunken kids and one guy tried to start a fight with him, accusing him of taking his drink.
Ok, go out with the girl if you think the age gap is nothing and you think she mature, but be prepared for the rest of the Debs experience.
I really wouldnt go myself.

(Kinda like 'Friends', remember when Ross was seeing the student? Seemed fine til he met her with her mates.... waterfights in college dorm etc... - ok, longpoint, but I caught the episode yesterday. thought is was fitting:))

rick_fantastic · 16-09-2005 4:45pm

yeah if u dont mind feeling like a paedophile for the whole nite.

i went to a debs with a 17 yr old that i met in a club last year and im only 22 and it was horrible. stupid kids getting hammered

*adele* · 16-09-2005 4:52pm

Its a debs...go,have fun!

Pighead · 16-09-2005 5:05pm

Listen Doc,its like this buddy.The age differences isn't much of a problem when the two of you are relatively young. It's amazing how young love can seem to conquer all! But later on in life when the two of you get progressively older it becomes more of a problem because Doc Bill eventually gets into health and energy issues that his healthy agile wife often finds too troublesome to deal with in their own stage in life.

And what about when she sees the sags and bags that you may be developing a lot sooner than she is). It also is "not self-seeking", especially when you realize that you may not be able to "keep up" so many things (because of the complications your age may bring with it) when she feels a need that they do so.

Summary:Go to the debs but do not i repeat DO NOT fall for her and get romantically attached

electric69 · 16-09-2005 5:11pm

You are far 2 old for her....get somebody your own age..She is 17...she is still a child....that is really sick

Dizzyblabla · 16-09-2005 5:18pm

Dr. Bill wrote:

I'm 25 and this girl of 17 asked me out to her Debs. O know she has a crush on me and being honest I do fancy her but is the age gap too much? Should I go out with her??

Remember, she may be sweet and mature for her age, but that is not to say that everyone else at the debs will be, you might feel very old and out of place there... be warned...

Farls · 16-09-2005 5:22pm

Is this not a personal issue?

Anyway...i say go if you want too but if I was your mate i'd slag the ass out of it

AARRRGH · 16-09-2005 5:23pm

Dr. Bill wrote:

I'm 25 and this girl of 17 asked me out to her Debs. O know she has a crush on me and being honest I do fancy her but is the age gap too much? Should I go out with her??

You are a man. She is a child.

Pighead · 16-09-2005 5:26pm

Listen Doc,I hope i haven't been sending out too many negative vibes.Of course some relationships with age gaps work.Anna Nicole Smith and J Howard Marshall had a wonderful marriageBut rather, we want those who are considering entering into this type of marriage before he passed away and Richard and Judy look pretty happy together too
So yes i do realise its not all doom and gloom.All i'm saying is to be prepared for the possible problems that could await you. If you're taking a long journey and you have the opportunity to be better prepared ahead of time because you were fore-warned, it could definitely work to your benefit. That's how Pighead hopes to help you. If you plan to climb Mount Everest and you didn't take the proper equipment or you didn't know to take along certain gear that you'd need, you'd be glad to know that ahead of time.

But on the other hand, if you're planning on climbing Mount Everest and you (or your partner) really aren't the type person who could withstand the rigors this type of "journey" could thrust upon you in the long-run, you would be foolish to proceed. Pighead wants you to prayerfully consider if you're in one type of situation or the other because a wrong decision could bring devastating results.
Good luck whatever path you choose

LadyJ · 16-09-2005 5:34pm

Dr. Bill wrote:

Ummmm!!! I'm thinking that I will go but its the fact I know she will expect me to be her boyfriend.

Are you really 25? Eh,just because you go to a debs with a girl doesn't mean you owe her a relationship or that she should/would expect one.
She'd be incredibly naive to think anything of the sort!

However,if you do go just remember that sometimes the teachers attend these things for the laugh and chances are you'll be older than a few of them.

Sorry but 25 is too old for a debs imo.

Pighead · 16-09-2005 5:48pm

Ah in fairness Miss J 25 isn't really that old.I mean i'm approaching my late 20's and i still frequent the cool kids nightspots in my area.They dont sneer and look down at me.In fact quite the opposite.They worship me and gather round my ankles as i regale them with stories from the 90's about Menswear being famous for 5 minutes and when we used a strange currency called Punt.I know the word hero is bandied about too much nowadays but i honestly think some of them view me in that light

AARRRGH · 16-09-2005 5:50pm

Pighead wrote:

Ah in fairness Miss J 25 isn't really that old.I mean i'm approaching my late 20's and i still frequent the cool kids nightspots in my area.They dont sneer and look down at me.In fact quite the opposite.They worship me and gather round my ankles as i regale them with stories from the 90's about Menswear being famous for 5 minutes and when we used a strange currency called Punt.I know the word hero is bandied about too much nowadays but i honestly think some of them view me in that light

Have you ever been to China? What you just described really does happen over there! (Replace kids with Chinese.)

LadyJ · 16-09-2005 5:52pm

All I'm saying is that I'd be mortified to be seen at at a debs if I was 25.

Tar.Aldarion · 16-09-2005 5:52pm

@25 is too old

really,a good friend of mine took her granny

Pitseleh · 16-09-2005 7:42pm

Dr. Bill wrote:

I'm 25 and this girl of 17 asked me out to her Debs. O know she has a crush on me and being honest I do fancy her but is the age gap too much? Should I go out with her??

I think you should go to the Debs - I don't think the fact you're 25 is particularly relevant - you're going to her Deb's, not entering a relationship - if she thinks ye are, tell her honestly about your reservations.

Should you go out with her? Obviously not if you're "asking" - an 8 year age gap only appears large now - I'm sure very few 35 years olds would be questioning an age gap between themselves and 27/43 year old.

nesf · 17-09-2005 12:08am

We have a forum for personal issues you know.

Thread moved.

Nevyn · 17-09-2005 12:54pm

That is not a large age gap.
17 being the age of sexual consent this would not make the older person a pedophile at all.

It could be she wants someone who will treat her well the night of the
debs and escort her in a gentlemanly fashion not some 18 year old who will
get drunk and ruin her evening.

Just becuase you agree to be her escort for the debs, that does not mean
you are in a relatioship with her. If how ever you do find you enjoy her company
then go on a few more dates and see what happens.

You may never get asked to do this again, take it as a compliment and
if you do not accpet turn her down graciously and do tell her you were flattered.

DAEDULUS · 17-09-2005 1:05pm

if you go,i feel sorry for you,thats pretty sick if you ask me

Gazza22 · 17-09-2005 1:12pm

It's not really a big age gap and because of her being 17, she is legal so the mob of "she's too young" people can't say anything.

If you would like to accompany her to the debs, then do so. This girl obviously thinks your the right man for the job and you would make her happy.

It's not making you launch into a relationship with her, just see how the two of you get on and if you don't want to take it any further then don't.

DAEDULUS wrote:

if you go,i feel sorry for you,thats pretty sick if you ask me

And just ignore this tripe

DAEDULUS · 17-09-2005 1:32pm

ehh,its a massive age gap considering they are both under 26,whereas if one was 50 and the other was 42,sure nobody would care..

the only reason your calling it tripe is because you have done it before and dont want your actions to be considered sick..

Dont mean to be offensive here but if you were her age she probably wouldnt feel the same about you or even ask you to the debs...girls that go for guys much older then themselves are usually just doing it to prove to themselves and their friends that they can 'get any man they want',a reassurance thing tbh. The reason an older man is attractive is because they are seen as more of a challenge,as the girl usually has to be good looking enough for the man to make an exeption of her,being the age she is...and what better way to show off her new man then to bring him to the debs..

7 years difference when shes still under 18 is a huge gap,dont do it..

Beruthiel · 17-09-2005 1:39pm

I wouldn't want my 17 year old going out with a man of 25 - I think at that age she should be going out with someone her own age. By the time she hit's 20 then no probs, she'll have some experience and will be ready for someone of your age, but 16/17 year olds are just starting out in the serious relationships road, it's better they learn the ins and out of that with each other. I'd just see you as a durty man who likes them young.
yes
that was a mini rant from a mother of a teen

Gazza22 · 17-09-2005 1:48pm

DAEDULUS wrote:

ehh,its a massive age gap considering they are both under 26,whereas if one was 50 and the other was 42,sure nobody would care..

the only reason your calling it tripe is because you have done it before and dont want your actions to be considered sick..

I know what you are trying to say, but the girl is legal so there's nothing sick about it...at the end of the day there may be people who wouldn't agree to the relationship but if the both of them are comfortable, it doesn't matter what everybody else thinks

There's no need to jump on the personal front with your last comment, i'll answer though if you have anything else to add take it to PM and don't pollute PI...

I'm 17, i have never been in a relationship with anybody younger than me, oldest was 18.

DAEDULUS · 17-09-2005 1:54pm

fair enough your still young,then do you not hate it when you see lads your own age going out with the local 14/15 year old hoes?
these lads are usually part of a gang his own age,but doesnt actually get many girls,so he jumps at the chance with a hot girl,even tho she is 15..

its ghey man :O

Gazza22 · 17-09-2005 1:59pm

Yeah i would have a problem with that, that is wrong. The main reason being those girls are not legal and would be very immature.

Nevyn · 17-09-2005 2:10pm

It is not sick and it depends on the person.
When I was 17 I was seening some one 7 years older then me.
I had my leaving cert over and done with at that stage and that relationship
lasted for over two years.
My parents did eventully meet him after the first 6mnth and took the time to get
to know him.

Age and maturity are two differnt things.

Tar.Aldarion · 17-09-2005 2:17pm

I know 20yr olds and up whom are too immature for relationships.Ask yourself is she mature enough.She could be at seventeen without a doubt but you have to do an honest assessment.

Vangelis · 17-09-2005 3:30pm

Dr. Bill, follow your gut feeling. That's always a good thing.

But I would not recommend you to fool the girl around. She is younger than you after all and may not know what she is really looking for in a guy. You might confuse her or make her do things she doesn't want to if you put pressure on her. And she may be left with scars and prejudgements about men. You wouldn't want to do that, would you?

iguana · 18-09-2005 12:06pm

Thaed wrote:

That is not a large age gap.
17 being the age of sexual consent this would not make the older person a pedophile at all.

It could be she wants someone who will treat her well the night of the
debs and escort her in a gentlemanly fashion not some 18 year old who will
get drunk and ruin her evening.

Just becuase you agree to be her escort for the debs, that does not mean
you are in a relatioship with her. If how ever you do find you enjoy her company
then go on a few more dates and see what happens.

You may never get asked to do this again, take it as a compliment and
if you do not accpet turn her down graciously and do tell her you were flattered.

That would be my advice.

I know a couple who got together when she was 18 and he was 27. They've been together for years. This may be unusual but it can work out. If you are attracted to each other then give it a try.

Red Alert · 18-09-2005 12:43pm

I'm confused as to why you called the title 'relationship issue' at all. Go to the debs and leave it at that - i don't think asking someone to your debs is how most people get together.

Relationship Issue

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