Stay or Walk away

LegacyUser

This is my first posting so forgive me if I warble on a bit.

Been with my partner for two years and we have a 4 month old baby girl.

Partner has told me over and over he doesnt feel as strongly about me as I do about him. I love him with all my heart.

He is extremely selfish as in does what he wants to do, where, when and with whom and I am just expected to tag along or stay at home.

He lives with me but works in Kerry so has to travel to work (two hours drive). He decided this week to spend the week down there because its hard work looking after our daughter and then having to get up for work in the morning.

I work full time also and get up an hour before he does.

Baby was sick since he left on Sunday, had to take her to the doc where she was diagnosed with an infection, not overly serious but she is crying constantly and I am exhausted.

Texted him and asked him to come home and share the load was told that he wasnt having a picnic, was busy in work etc.

I do love him but I realise that he doesnt care about me. I have not spoken to him since yesterday and he has not inquired today at all as to how the baby is.

How do you walk away from someone you love despite the fact you know they are bad for you but you still want to be with them?

Deep down I dont, someone please help me get the strenght to get him out of my life because i cant do it on my own

Sleepy

I don't think any of us can give you the strength to "get him out of your life". Maybe some counselling would be a good idea though? If he's reluctant to do it, make him an ultimatum: attend the counselling or get out of your life. If he chooses the latter, at least you'll know where you stand and it sounds like the logical part of your brain is telling you that it'd be the better option...

Sorry I can't help more, I've never lived through your situation. Without naming names, some of the other posters here have done though and I'm sure they'll have better advice for you.

Miss Fluff

You poor thing, doesn't sound like you're getting much support.
Have you decided that you definitley want to seperate? If not, counselling may be an option as it sounds like you need a mediator to help in communicating with this guy. However, if you definitley feel that it's run it's course, and it sounds like it has, then take your time. For what it's worth, I was in a long-term relationship for 6 years and although I knew he wasn't good for me, it took me about 6 months to grieve for the relationship while still in it and find the strength to finish it. The day I finished it was the start of a new life for me and I've never looked back. Once you've made you mind up that you want to move on with your life, don't feel you have to pick up the phone or sit down and end it immediately. Gather all that inner-strength girl and plan for the future so that you don't come out of this shell-shocked and raw! Start planning for your life without him now. Make sure that you have friends and family to rally around you and look forward to a brighter, happier future!! Better to be on your own than with someone who doesn't deserve you!! Good luck

Beruthiel

Flinters2 wrote:

someone please help me get the strenght to get him out of my life because i cant do it on my own

you sound like me 10 years ago, so I know how you feel to a degree.
let me tell you now, you will find the strength, it will come, normally there is a 'last straw' and you will be able to take no more.
Don't for one minute think it will be easy though, it won't. For the first year or so, you will find it very tough, but know this, after the first year you will be a new woman, confident, strong, independent and self reliant.
Just keep telling yourself that you deserve better, you deserve someone who cares for you as much as you care for them. It will happen.
Don't waste another minute on him, he is sapping away your last bit of strength and you can't let that go on for another second, the longer you leave it the longer you will be in pain.
best of luck
a

ravenhead

You poor thing ... you really need to decide whats best for you. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life on someone that really doesn't feel the same way about you. I know that you have a child together but you will get no thanks for her in years to come when she see's just how miserable you are.

This guy really doesn't deserve you & really doesn't deserve to have fathered a child when he has as much interest in her as shep the dog!

Do yourself & your child a favour, be strong, talk to him, tell him things have to change. If he is'nt willing to make these changes then go...
You can be garaunteed that in years to come it will finally hit him what exactly he has lost out on, Not only a woman that seems to love him with out question, but the honour of having his little girl look on him with nothing but love intead of the resentment that she will end up feeling towards him.

Best of luck, whatever you decide to do, just remember you're worth more than this.

J

Gazza22

It is a tough decision but if he is treating you badly and doesn't care for you anymore then it would be better to take the walk away option.

What annoys me more is the fact that he is too busy working to care for his own child? Even if i couldn't make it home, i have a phone and i'd enquire about the kid. He seems to be not bothered at all.

He said he doesn't feel as strongly about you, is this just a recent thing? If so, maybe he has alot on his mind and is just acting out of character. Though if this has been going on a while now, then i would take that as he's looking for a way out of this relationship.

You guys are going to have to talk this through. Ask him if he sees your relationship going anywhere. If not, you are going to have to accept that fact but tbh you're better off with somebody else, as a guy like him just doesn't deserve you.

Best of luck

Nuttzz

Don't walk away, RUN, do it now. He doesn't give a monkeys. So now he finds it hard to mind a child and work at the same time, its called parenthood, join the funking club. What did he (and you) think would happen when you found out you were pregnant?

He's staying in Kerry for the week rather than come home, what about find a place were you can live close to his workplace? Sounds to me like he might be having his cake and eating it in Kerry too...

Zulu

It's all been said before above. But, seriously, you deserve better - good luck.

AARRRGH

Hmmmm. Difficult situation.

How I always try to think about relationships -

Your partner is supposed to make your life better, not worse. If he's making your life worse, it's time to break up.

...

I know in your head you probably know what to do already. But of course, (and I've been in a situation similar to your own), sometimes our emotions will hold us back. Maybe you're afraid of being alone again, maybe you're afraid of the unknown, or maybe you're just weak. It's probably a mix of all three (and there is nothing wrong with that.)

Here's the reality -

If you break up, for a few weeks/months your life will be hell. You'll be awfully confused/sad/lonely. But LONG TERM, things will be better. You'll meet someone else, or at least you'll have a simplier life.

If you stay together, things may get better. But it's probably unlikely. You are most likely guaranteeing yourself a life of pain.

...

Don't make any rash decisions. Think it through.

Good luck!

ravenhead

Nuttzz wrote:

Don't walk away, RUN, do it now. He doesn't give a monkeys. So now he finds it hard to mind a child and work at the same time, its called parenthood, join the funking club. What did he (and you) think would happen when you found out you were pregnant?

He's staying in Kerry for the week rather than come home, what about find a place were you can live close to his workplace? Sounds to me like he might be having his cake and eating it in Kerry too...

Yeah that's what really gets to me about reading posts like this - I mean, you need a license to have a dog but any ape can go & have a child!!!!!
OP i don't mean you cause you're obviously doing everything you possibily can but your partner needs a good Kick up the @rse.....

LegacyUser

Thank you all for offering your advice.

I have taken note of it and you have all confirmed what I already knew deep down.

Thanks for your time.