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ghost story [swearing and (hopefully) scary bits..]

  • 07-09-2005 7:21pm
    #1
    doonothing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭


    ok, so i wrote this story after having a really freaky dream. i know its not well written or original or anything, but i want to improve it so id love to hear your comments..

    thanks :)


Comments

  • #2
    jimmidy_cricket
    Closed Accounts Posts: 192 ✭✭jimmidy_cricket


    Gripping!!! I really enjoyed it. You said it was unoriginal or something but t'was grand. I've no advice for ye but I'm sure you'll get plenty from other boards members. One question...anymore?


  • #3
    tonyj
    Closed Accounts Posts: 172 ✭✭tonyj


    Excellent stuff. Just two points;

    I got a bit lost in the middle of the old woman's story. I was a bit confused over the usage of characters names (switching from first names to Mrs x was distracting)

    And this piece;

    "As I watched along what I guessed would be her path, I saw cushions move and finally: a light-switch being turned on."

    Turned on or turned off? - I thought it was already on?

    But, apart from these two small things, very nicely written, and a great story.


  • #4
    jimmidy_cricket
    Closed Accounts Posts: 192 ✭✭jimmidy_cricket


    oooh ye bastad, after reading it last night it took me ages to get to sleep. My boyfriend (I'm actually a girl, even though my user name sounds male) reckons my apartment is haunted cause he keeps hearing noises, this never creeped me out...till last night! I had visions of meanacing little children coming out of the walls to abtuct me into their freaky little world..nightmare! Anyhow, I had another goo at it there and I reckon the start is very Blair witchy and maybe a little unnessary, you should just get straight into it. Still good though.


  • #5
    BEAT
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    very well done!
    one of the best short stories Ive read in a while ;)

    Id leave it alone, its great the way it is.

    Love to see more of your work.


  • #6
    doonothing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭doonothing


    aye, it is a wee bit blair witchy, but i couldnt think of how else to do it..
    that blair-witchness and the old oman tellin' the tale etc are so clichéd! but alas, best i could do..

    jaysus, thanks! i honestly didnt think twas good at all! ive only recently started writing short-story length stories (im 16, in 6th year, not much time etc) but this has given me encouagement to make time for it!

    thanks again! :)


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  • #7
    McFiddler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭McFiddler


    You're 16? Seriously? When I read this first a couple of days ago I initially got the impression that you were a mature writer with some experience. You should consider yourself very lucky, you're obviously a gifted writer.

    The only thing I noticed were a few typos etc and I didn't note them, sorry, but I'm sure you can find them yourself.

    Well done

    Looking foward to more


  • #8
    Aoibheann
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,383 ✭✭✭Aoibheann


    Loved it! Seriously, it's great, leave it as it is. :) I really enjoyed it. Post more/send them to me!


  • #9
    Fenian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 215 ✭✭Fenian


    Jesus, that's excellent stuff. I hope you post more of your stories.


  • #10
    Shad0r
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,167 ✭✭✭Shad0r


    Yeah, great stuff doonothing. You have definite talent for story telling. Dont give it up whatever you do.

    Two suggestions:
    1) Get/Use Word, or a another word proccessor. It will make your life much easier, also
    2) I know you dont have alot of time but I would love to have you in the writers group. Mainly because I know it would work wonders for your writing; you have the talent, now you need the experience. PM me if you're interested.


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