Bulemic Friend

Stabshauptmann

Has anybody any advice on how to help a bulemic friend?

The backround is that its a friend of a friend, but whom Im getting to know very well. Our mutual friend has told me but not the bulemic girl in question.

Shes being bulemic for about a year. Shes just started college.

Our mutual friend has talked to her, her parents which didnt work, her own parents to talk to her parents.

So basically, I dont know a lot. Im looking for advice to give our mutual friend. I dont think Im anyway near close enough to her bulemic friend to offer help; but if anyone knows anything that I might/should do, please, Im all ears.

Ive been complementing her, subltly, on her looks and flirting with her but I dont know if this is a wise thing anymore. I know she is interested in another mutual friend and has been with him oncec or twice but she resists any relationship developing between them. I did some reading on the web and this cropped up and up again as a common thing.

Anyway Im going a bit off topic arent I. Has anyone any advice?

qz

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

Ive been complementing her, subltly, on her looks and flirting with her but I dont know if this is a wise thing anymore.

Maybe if you're complimenting her she might think that what she's doing is alright. I've no idea, just a guess.

TerrorFirmer

qz wrote:

Maybe if you're complimenting her she might think that what she's doing is alright. I've no idea, just a guess.

Surprisingly it can be a lose lose situation. You compliment her, she thinks great, its working, must keep it up, make myself even better. You don't, or you bring it up, no matter how subtly in some cases, and they just do it anyway as a form of escape and to make themselves feel better.

It's puzzling really, and to be honest, the only true advise they can take is to go to a specialist. We are not talking about a rational situation where one can tell the other to change, and they will - it requires alot more profession then even genuine concern to help turn things around.

zenzen

heya, just wanted to pass on a good resource for information http://www.bodywhys.ie. theres some good info on there about bulimia...sorry i dont have anymore info for ya tho. good luck.

DaisyDuke

Chances are that flirting or the like will have no effect at all. Just about all people suffering from Mia have zero interest in anything remotely sexual, as their own body completely repulses them.

Nothing that anyone can say or do will really stop them from being this way - in fact, it could very well make them more determined.
I'm not saying ignore it, but the best thing that her family and friends can do is be there for her, and let her know without a shadow of a doubt that she has their total love and support during her illness.
It's like alcoholism - the patient needs to come to the conclusion themselves that they need help. The trick is to have a framework of people whom they trust to be around them when that moment happens.

Grem

Advise her friend to get her help (professional help) as soon as possible. Otherwise its a long dark road ahead for the poor girl. I have a friend who is bulimic, has been for the past 4 years. Its a total nightmare for her, has completely taken over her life. I dont really have any more advice, its VERY difficult to say or do the right thing.

Scarinae

You see, bulimia is not all about weight. If you convince her that she isn't fat at all (which you probably won't, being honest - girls are spectacular at rejecting compliments and not believing them) she might still make herself sick as a coping mechanism for stress. Even if she's on a healthy diet and isn't getting sick, she will still have the bulimic mindset and could get back into the pattern of binging and purging when she's under any form of pressure. I'm not saying there's nothing you can do, I'm just trying to put across that's it not as simple as just wanting to lose weight. Basically, just make sure she knows that her friends are there to support her and listen to her if she wants to talk, and encourage her to go to counselling with someone who specialises in eating disorders. PM me if you like

Chucky

She needs to want to help herself first...before anyone else can start helping her. Also, I'd start reading up on bulimia yourself. Believe me, they hate it when people start trying to help them when they don't have a clue what they're going through.


http://www.psychforums.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=225&sid=6dec10f5b3d9d3f3e0f7a0633afdbb0f

meow

I've had an eating disorder for ten years now.

Its very difficult if not impossible for people to understand how desperate someone must feel to starve or make themselves ill. There are very real issues behind the food, the behaviours are only symptoms of whats going on in the sufferers mind.

Don't comment on appearance, instead you could tell her she did a good job on an assignment, well done for competing in the race etc. Can you see what I'm getting at?
Don't try to control her behaviour, make decisions for her or push her in any one direction; trust me, it'll make the situation much worse

As someone has already said, there is no point is trying to push, punish or persuade a person with an eating disorder to get well, it has to come from the individual. Its an addiction and an extremely complicated one.
It takes alot of time, counselling and patience on all sides.

Just accept her for who she is, and let her know you're there.

Victor

meow wrote:

there is no point is trying to push, punish or persuade

As you suggested, you can however encourage, albeit indirectly.

meow

KR,

I don't know if you're still looking for advice on this, but there's a programme on BBC 1 or 2 Tuesday night at 9pm about a mother & daughter with bulimia.
Maybe watching it might give you or your friend some idea's on how to help suport this person in your life.

Khannie

What MobileInfantry said. I went out with a girl that was Bulemic for a few months. It really can be a lose / lose unless you get some proper help.

rainglow

The only thing I have to add to everything that's been said already is that eating disorders may superficially seem like they stem from a desire to lose weight, but this attempt to control their weight is in attempt to regain control over some other aspect of the sufferers lives.

Complimenting her appearance will mostly likely make her think she's doing a good thing - this girl may have deep, underlying self-esteem issues and she needs to be bolstered on a far deeper level than her looks. I'm very surprised that her parents weren't concerned really - bulimia is SO dangerous. Her parents may not believe it becuased bulimia sufferers are typically slightly overweight, not slight like anorexia sufferers. Not only is it a cry for help in many cases, but it can severely mess up your gastrointestinal system, your oespohagus (sp?), throat, and erode your teeth with all the gastric acid. You're doing a great thing by wanting to help, but the only thing that will probably get this girl to stop is an intervention by people who love her, followed by medical treatment. Bulimia can go on for a lifetime (ie Sharon Osborne) so someone will have to face up to her on this at some point.

lazylad

Tell her to have a break.....


Have a kitkat.

dudara

lazylad banned.

PM me in a week.

dudara

WhiteWashMan

rainglow is spot on. bulemia and anorexia sufferers often use their weight control as a method of trying to find some aspect of control in their lives that they are missing.

ive known a number of people with weight issues,and every last one of them have serious personal issues.

the only thing you can do is try and encourage them to want to get some help. well, at least that ive found.

meow

LL: Tell her to have a break.....

Have a kitkat.

Thats just the sort of ignorant response a sufferer doesn't need to hear :mad:

All eating disorders are extreme life-threatening conditions.
They have killed thousands with thousands more living the misery everyday.

Its hard enough trying to make your way out of one without the stupidy & cruelity of some people making it worse.