Friend or More

Toshiba · 07-09-2005 4:39pm #1

Hey
Just need some advice on this one please.

I've been meeting a girl on and of for a couple of months now. Normally we meet up and go for a meal, cinema, pub etc once or twice a week. we get on really well together. I would like to make something more of it but I'm afraid that if I try anything on, I'll lose her friendship, plus I lack the confidence to try anything. Do I tell her how I feel or simply carry on as we are. I'm just confused as to what to do so I'll throw it open to the forum for some advice and direction.

dogg_r_69 · 07-09-2005 4:44pm

I'd advise you to tell her. You'll always regret not saying something if you don't take a chance. You've more of a chance of losing her by not saying something

galwaydude18 · 07-09-2005 4:47pm

go for it! She may even feel the same way as you do!

440Hz · 07-09-2005 4:48pm

Hmmm - sounds kinda familiar! I would say that if you have been meeting up with her for a few months then you are in with a chance. she obv enjoys your company and tbh speaking from a girls point of view, there are very few girlies who would meet someone that often unless they were interested. you can be guaranteed she has thought about something happening, 99.9% of girls consider the possibilitiy with any guy, and imho if she is still meeting you at this stage, then its worth a shot. but be careful, do it sensibly, dont go ott on her. maybe suss it out in conversation like the cheesy 'what type of guy do you see yourself with'... corny i know, but helpful! at the end of the day, if you guys are meeting that often on a one-to-one basis, then id say you got a pretty good chance!

honru · 07-09-2005 4:53pm

Don't tell her how ye feel straight out. Just flirt with her, see if she flirts back (aswell as look for other signs of attraction) and then make a move.

If she shows no signs then move on tbh. You seem to have a fairly good chance though.

LundiMardi · 07-09-2005 4:57pm

Toshiba wrote:

Hey
Just need some advice on this one please.

I've been meeting a girl on and of for a couple of months now. Normally we meet up and go for a meal, cinema, pub etc once or twice a week. we get on really well together. I would like to make something more of it but I'm afraid that if I try anything on, I'll lose her friendship, plus I lack the confidence to try anything. Do I tell her how I feel or simply carry on as we are. I'm just confused as to what to do so I'll throw it open to the forum for some advice and direction.

this sounds familiar..... mmmmm,,,,, almost like a ''friendship'', do you go out with guys on a weekly basis?

DawnMc · 07-09-2005 6:26pm

If the both of you meet up regularly, why not see how it goes and if it feels right to tell her then do.
I've learnt that you should not rush a relationship, it happens naturally

shellby · 08-09-2005 9:20am

ok you have 2 choices really

no 1: say nothing contiue on the way you are, questioning whether or not there could be something more to it but never actually finding out hey who knows maybe one day she'll bring her new boyfriend along but you won't be able to say anything about it because your "just friends" - the only thing is your though because as long as you go on wanting more she will never be just a friend

no 2: take a chance its simple the next time you are together you say look X lately i've been having romantic feelings for you and i was wondering if anything would ever come of them she answers yes you kiss get married and have 3 beautiful children she says no you say thats ok nip these feelings in the bud and then you can actually get on with being just friends

your choice

WhiteWashMan · 08-09-2005 9:25am

Toshiba wrote:

Hey
Just need some advice on this one please.

I've been meeting a girl on and of for a couple of months now. Normally we meet up and go for a meal, cinema, pub etc once or twice a week. we get on really well together. I would like to make something more of it but I'm afraid that if I try anything on, I'll lose her friendship, plus I lack the confidence to try anything. Do I tell her how I feel or simply carry on as we are. I'm just confused as to what to do so I'll throw it open to the forum for some advice and direction.

one would assume that if she spends so much time in your company, that she likes you.

either do something about how you feel, or just sit there and forever wonder what you may have missed out on.

thats pretty much it.

Kell · 08-09-2005 9:43am

Sheesh - you people worry about the least of things.

Try and succeed or fail but know you tried. Yes - it really is that easy.

K-

Santa Claus · 08-09-2005 9:51am

I wholeheartedly endorse Shelby's option 2.
There is nothing worse than getting the courage up to say something only to find that it's too late and you have enetered the friend zone.

Next time you're going to a movie why not pick some cheesy romantic flick and when you're talking about the movie afterwards you can happen to mention your feelings in the conversation.

Otherwise do the usual irish bloke thing, get drunk with her and blurt it out !

If she doesn't feel the same way, there's always the typedef her sister/best friend route !

JungleBunny · 08-09-2005 10:23am

Go for it!! Tell her!

Whatcha got to loose? Nothing
Whatcha got to gain? Everything!!

Yook · 08-09-2005 10:31am

Toshiba wrote:

Hey
Just need some advice on this one please.

I've been meeting a girl on and of for a couple of months now. Normally we meet up and go for a meal, cinema, pub etc once or twice a week. we get on really well together. I would like to make something more of it but I'm afraid that if I try anything on, I'll lose her friendship, plus I lack the confidence to try anything. Do I tell her how I feel or simply carry on as we are. I'm just confused as to what to do so I'll throw it open to the forum for some advice and direction.

Listen, this explains everything you ever need to know about relationships between men and women:

http://www.laddertheory.com/

Talliesin · 08-09-2005 11:00am

Yook wrote:

Listen, this explains everything you ever need to know about relationships between men and women:

No it doesn't. Nor does any other website, book, pamphlet, self-help course or episode of Oprah.

Yook · 08-09-2005 11:16am

Talliesin wrote:

No it doesn't. Nor does any other website, book, pamphlet, self-help course or episode of Oprah.

Have a read before you comment.

Talliesin · 08-09-2005 11:32am

I have, just like "The Rules" or the Venus and Mars crap (well okay, it's not as bad as the Venus and Mars crap, but well, it's pretty hard to be that moronic) or anything similar it takes a few generalisations that some people (and not terribly emotionally well-integrated people at that) find to be true and applies it to the wide diversity of human relationships with a very broad brush.

Ideally people prone to believing stuff like this should have the fact tattooed on their foreheads. It would make dating more efficient.

WhiteWashMan · 08-09-2005 12:21pm

Talliesin wrote:

I have, just like "The Rules" or the Venus and Mars crap (well okay, it's not as bad as the Venus and Mars crap, but well, it's pretty hard to be that moronic) .

actually, the principles outlines in women are from venus, men are from mars are pretty sound and would answer 95% of the relationship questions here.

but, only experience teaches us everything we need to know.

shellby · 08-09-2005 3:02pm

Yook wrote:

Listen, this explains everything you ever need to know about relationships between men and women:

http://www.laddertheory.com/

there are no given rules in relationships - all ppl are different one man's rubbish could be anothers hot sexy lady who he would risk life and limb for ... or maybe a slight bit of embaressment if she says no and you then know you can move on with out thinking "now she was the one that got away"

Grem · 08-09-2005 4:13pm

You HAVE to tell her how you feel. Your feelings are most likely going to get stronger and she will sense that your acting differently around her. Just let her know in a subtle way, you know holding eye contact just a few seconds longer than normal, maybe work a comment or two into the conversation.
It will be easy to see how she responds.
But if she isnt interested in taking your friendship further it could be hurtful for you. Because then she will know how u feel and you'll get all awkward around each other. But you really dont have anything to lose. She'll hardly want to stop seeing you full stop if you tell her you have feelings for her. She wouldnt be much of a friend if she did that.
Good luck - hope u two get it on. Nothing makes me happeir than a cute new couple! Apart from about a million other things. But you know what i mean...

DaisyDuke · 08-09-2005 4:14pm

You go out to dinner with her, and I presume, a group of friends, on a regular basis. Why don't you try a little light flirting, and in the course of conversation suggest that you go out - just the two of you - for dinner at *insert her favourite restaurant here* next *day* if she's free.
It's something that you've technically done already, so you know she's comfortable in that situation - this just makes it a little more personal.

Ignore the Rules, Mars and Venus or the Ladder Theory. Pile of poop written with desperate-single-30-somethings-with-biological-clock-ringing in mind.

Go on! Ask her!

I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do...

blorg · 08-09-2005 4:47pm

Talliesin/shellby/Daisy - I think you may have to reconfigure your humour detectors.

Yook · 09-09-2005 8:04pm

blorg wrote:

Talliesin/shellby/Daisy - I think you may have to reconfigure your humour detectors.

Hey, at least someone got it. Thank you!

Friend or More

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