Fighting with parents

LegacyUser

I'm 18, female and still living at home, going into 2nd year of college. Before anyone says it, yes I know teenagers fight with their parents all the time etc but over the fast few weeks it's just been unbearable. They do respect that I'm 18 so it's not that they stop me going out or anything like that, it's just constant bickering about everything! No matter what I do it's not enough, we're literally having about 10 flare ups a day which ends up in us all screaming at each other. Thats not counting the numerous times I simply walk away and don't give any kind of response. What's even more aggravating about it is they'll be screaming at me one minute then coming in to tell me some funny story or something the next and tbh I've really had as much of them as I can take. I've tried sitting down talking to them, ended up in a fight. Also tried writing them a letter, ended up in a fight.

Basically I've decided I want to spend as little time in their company as possible. Unfortunately I can't afford to move out. Once I go back to college, finding things to do to keep me away from home shouldn't be a problem. But there's another month before I'm back and what I could really do with are a few suggestions on things to do to keep me out of the house from about 3pm onwards (when my dad gets in from work). Sorry if it doesn't sound like much of a PI but I'm really at breaking point and it's only way I can see out of it

Reason I'm not working is I had a student placement thing that finished few weeks ago so didn't have long enough to offer an employer as I can't work during term.

Sorry for it being so long, but if anyone has any suggestions I'd be so grateful, I just really need space

Hugh Hefner

The gym perhaps. You'd be spending your time productively and it's normal for people to stay there for many hours.

simu

/edit: oops - misread post.

Go to the college library and read and surf there. It should be open already.

doctor evil

Get a job if you don`t already have one.

Dreamcatcher

Sounds a bit nightmarish alright - from the point of view of all involved. I had several fights with my parents, as a lot of teens do - with my mother especially - when I was around your age.

You don't say what the fights are about! Think about that! What are they really about? Are there maybe one or two main "themes" to the bickering? If so, what are they?
Or are they(your parents)/have they always been argumentative towards anyone and everyone, or is it just with you?
I'm sure there must be at least two sides to this story! Your side, and each of their sides.
You need to step back from the situation a bit and put yourself in their shoes for a while.
Maybe it's the case that you are behaving in a way that is unacceptable to them. Bear in mind that you are 18 now and you are an adult. You have left school and are, when it comes down to it, living under their roof and you need to respect that. It is up to you work around whatever recurring bickering is taking place. When people are older, they often become set in their ways. Dont' expect them to change out of the blue! However, if you change, it is very likely that they will!

If having analysed the situation properly, you realise that they are just people who are in the habit of bickering at people for no apparant reason, then the only thing you can do is surrender to it and walk away from the situation; knowing that in a year or two or whenever you have saved enough money to fund paying rent for some place, you'll all be out of each others hair.

If on the other hand you can recognise that they are fairly reasonable and calm in their relations with other people(including your siblings - if that's relevant), then I think it's fair to assume, and (specifically) that you assume that you yourself may be in the wrong to a large extent.

And one last thing: when you are a child and even well into your teens, one thinks/feels/expects that their parents are just their "parents", quite blind to the fact that parents are people in their own right - ie human beings with their own thoughts, fears, human frailties etc. When maturity sets in, a person does look their parents in the eye and see them as human beings with their own histories and frailties and vulnerabilites.
It took me until around age 20 to come that realisation - the sooner that you arrive at this point, the better. Life is short. Don't wait until your parents get old till you stop and think.
Sorry if above sounds a bit harsh, but it is the truth as I see it. I hope that what I've posted is some help.

ZENER

Good post Dreamcatcher ! I think you've hit the nail on the head there. As a parent of a 16 year old I can see it from the parents POV. 16 to 18 is a very important developmental time for young adults and it's common to want to exert your adultness and voice opinions which is great of course but you have to remember who the real adults are. It's easy to forget WHO they are and concentrate more on WHAT they are to you. They are more than just parents - they are 40+ years of life, memories and experiences which shape what you are whether you like it or not, it's how society becomes and how culture is formed if you like.

One of the most frustrating things as a parent is watching sibling make mistakes that you've made and have warned them about over and over. For me I'm dreading 18 because I will constantly be reminded of the fact that he's old enough to do what he likes when he likes and with whom and what he likes and that I/WE should respect that fact . . We will of course . .so long as he respects his position in the home and that we don't suddenly become worthless as a people once he turns 18. He must also respect that it's our home and everyones feelings should be considered, not just his.

If that seems straight forward enough we have a 10 yearold daughter moving up the ranks . . god help us !!

ZEN

Victor

ZENER wrote:

Good post Dreamcatcher ! I think you've hit the nail on the head there. As a parent of a 16 year old I can see it from the parents POV. 16 to 18 is a very important developmental time for young adults and it's common to want to exert your adultness and voice opinions which is great of course but you have to remember who the real adults are.

Careful there, 16-18 year olds areyoung adults.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the suggestions so far...... Just to clarify I'm not looking for ways to deal with my parents, I have no longer any interest in doing that tbh. I'm looking for ways I can spend as little time in their company as possible for the next 3 weeks or so. The gym is a good idea, I can't go every day though, if I start increasing it from once/twice a week to everyday that suddenly I doubt I'll be able to walk! College library would also be good except it's closed for building work til we start back.

Just in response to some of the other comments, I do respect that I'm in their house etc, I always let them know where I'm going, what time I'll be back or I call if I'm going to be later, and always have my mobile with me so they can get in touch. When I'm home I help out with anything that needs doing around the place. The fights could be about anything, no definite themes. And as for seeing my parents as people, I appreciate that point but if any other person was behaving the way they are towards me I'd have cut them out of my life a very long time ago so there's two sides to that too

_Turismo4

fiorelli wrote:

I'm 18, female and still living at home, going into 2nd year of college. Before anyone says it, yes I know teenagers fight with their parents all the time etc but over the fast few weeks it's just been unbearable. They do respect that I'm 18 so it's not that they stop me going out or anything like that, it's just constant bickering about everything! No matter what I do it's not enough, we're literally having about 10 flare ups a day which ends up in us all screaming at each other. Thats not counting the numerous times I simply walk away and don't give any kind of response. What's even more aggravating about it is they'll be screaming at me one minute then coming in to tell me some funny story or something the next and tbh I've really had as much of them as I can take. I've tried sitting down talking to them, ended up in a fight. Also tried writing them a letter, ended up in a fight.

Basically I've decided I want to spend as little time in their company as possible. Unfortunately I can't afford to move out. Once I go back to college, finding things to do to keep me away from home shouldn't be a problem. But there's another month before I'm back and what I could really do with are a few suggestions on things to do to keep me out of the house from about 3pm onwards (when my dad gets in from work). Sorry if it doesn't sound like much of a PI but I'm really at breaking point and it's only way I can see out of it

Reason I'm not working is I had a student placement thing that finished few weeks ago so didn't have long enough to offer an employer as I can't work during term.

Sorry for it being so long, but if anyone has any suggestions I'd be so grateful, I just really need space

I don’t get on with my parents ether, and I find it easier just ignoring them and living my own life.
But from what you’re saying, and please don’t take offence, but it sounds like there mad like mine.