Farting In Public

Stench Blossoms

Was walking through town today and stopped to take out my phone just beside where some man was selling flowers. He made the weirdiest looking face i've ever seen and then let one rip!

I made a kind of "eeehhewww" sound and he just shrugged his shoulders!

No shame at all!

so my question is:

Do you fart in public?

20 Times 20 Times

yes i do , no point holding it in

pred racer

of course its the best place.
the disgusted looks you get from people that you will never see again and
dont care about anyway! Priceless

Kinetic^

Better out then in

Rhyme

Quietly...

PowerHouseDan

Yeah but always have a quick look around to see if there is any hot women around.

EDIT IF THERE IS I WILL WAIT!!!!!

CrazySka

yeah no good farting unless theres a hot woman there to hear it

stagolee

powerhousedan wrote:

Yeah but always have a quick look around to see if there is any hot women around.

and if there is he puts in the extra effort and makes it a really loud one

whiskeyman

well, I'm not exactly gonna run all the way home just to let one rip...
I guess it's the manner in which one executes the action.
I wouldnt stop in the middle of the street... put legs firmly apart... and then proclaim to the world "wwwwwwwhoaaa!! check out that beauty!!"
Just let it pass in the wind...

Farls

Cannae hold whats not in your hand

qz

Here it is: I'll fart if I'm walking, otherwise I'll hold it in.

I refuse to fart in a plane/queue/concert/dart/bus, I know too well what it's like for other people to do it, and oh God is it nasty.

Pyr0

whiskeyman wrote:

well, I'm not exactly gonna run all the way home just to let one rip...
I guess it's the manner in which one executes the action.
I wouldnt stop in the middle of the street... put legs firmly apart... and then proclaim to the world "wwwwwwwhoaaa!! check out that beauty!!"
Just let it pass in the wind...

Ahaha that had me in stiches

I try to sqeeze them out quietly. If I'm sitting down I do the usual "lift one cheek up and let it go" kind of thing...always a winner.

dogg_r_69

qz wrote:

I refuse to fart in a plane/queue/concert/dart/bus, I know too well what it's like for other people to do it, and oh God is it nasty.

Agrred there I was at a wedding a few months ago Some fella stank out a whole corner of the hall
Disgusting!!

kmart6

dogg_r_69 wrote:

Agrred there I was at a wedding a few months ago Some fella stank out a whole corner of the hall
Disgusting!!

Was he drinking the black stuff(Guiness) by any chance???

Endurance Man

Oh lordy, after a few cans these thread are gems in the rough , hahahha.

PS: Silent but violent is the way

whiskeyman

Endurance Man wrote:

PS: Silent but violent is the way

Silent but Deadly you mean?
SBDs?

Silent but violent sounds weird... cant imagine something violent being silent.

Actually, I can't believe I'm nitpicking on the accurate description of farting.
Only in After Hours!!

Endurance Man

Silent but Deadly you mean?
SBDs?

Silent but violent sounds weird... cant imagine something violent being silent.

Actually, I can't believe I'm nitpicking on the accurate description of farting.
Only in After Hours!!

Oh lordy stop , im gonna fall over , hahahaha.

Lump

Not in public, I hold them in TBH.

However, it can get to a point that you are holding so much, they can slip out... IE you can't control it anymore, and then BANG..... RIIIIIPPPPPPPP. Even more embarrasing then little ones.

John

Endurance Man

However, it can get to a point that you are holding so much, they can slip out... IE you can't control it anymore, and then BANG..... RIIIIIPPPPPPPP. Even more embarrasing then little ones.

Oh hell, that was the last straw, i think i pissed myself :eek: .

Farls

Toughest ones of all are the morning ones...when ya just want to let rip but shes in the bed beside you! So ya have to time her goin to the toilet and slip them out...then its frantic flappin off the duvet

mad m

Well as long as it doesnt turn out to be a "Shartt",Im happy.

Mr. CooL ICE

Farls wrote:

Toughest ones of all are the morning ones...when ya just want to let rip but shes in the bed beside you! So ya have to time her goin to the toilet and slip them out...then its frantic flappin off the duvet

WHAAATT?? Thats no fun. A friend of mine stuffed his girlfriends head underneat the duvet, farted, and held her there! Thats hardcore, imo.

kinkstr

LordChessington wrote:

WHAAATT?? Thats no fun. A friend of mine stuffed his girlfriends head underneat the duvet, farted, and held her there! Thats hardcore, imo.

I believe thats called a Dutch oven.

Einstein

i don't fart...

BizzyC

I'll only do it when there's nobody within a 3m radius of me, or if there's no-one behind me while I'm walking.

whiskeyman

Divers wrote:

i don't fart...

Dont sit near an open fire.

All that compressed gas.............. KABOOOOOM!!!

rubadub

qz wrote:

Here it is: I'll fart if I'm walking, otherwise I'll hold it in.

known as crop dusting. Just fart quietly, it is taught at all girls schools, I learnt how to do it from my sisters "lady etiquette" book she got in school, also tells you the secret to craps that smell like roses when you leave the jacks

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Dave!

I do, but silently -- and then I walk away from the place I was standing, so someone else gets the blame!

Pigman II

imho It's ok to fart in public as long as you're outdoors and your immediate vacinity isn't packed.

Classic example of where it's not ok to do it is at a gig. I went to see SleaterKinney on Tuesday and the guy in front of me was farting like a trooper. Wanted to move but I had a pretty good spot (aroma aside) so I decided to put up with it. Thankfully the stink of whiskey that he had smuggled in muffled some of the odour.

grimloch

I rarely, if ever fart in public. I prefer to stockpile them and then release themm in the safety of my own home.

I won't do it in school unlike some who seem to feel that an especially smelly fart is like a badge of honour and should be loudly declared and then this results in an ensuing session of high fives.

Pataman

"An empty house is better than a bad tenant"

TerrorFirmer

grimloch wrote:

I rarely, if ever fart in public. I prefer to stockpile them and then release themm in the safety of my own home.

I won't do it in school unlike some who seem to feel that an especially smelly fart is like a badge of honour and should be loudly declared and then this results in an ensuing session of high fives.

Same. I never, ever do it in public. I don't even do it in front of my male friends, it's just disgusting.

A friend did one once in another mates front room, it was so bad we thought he had actually shat his pants in error.....please, everyone else was pissing themselves laughing, but I was just.....almost getting sick

Quality thread btw, first posts had me in stitches

AARRRGH

To the people who bitch about AH being useless... here's your proof!

Gazza22

No i wouldn't feel comfortable doing it in public!

Oh rubadub...that little piece of your's was very funny...actually made me laugh out loud

whiskeyman

dublindude wrote:

To the people who bitch about AH being useless... here's your proof!

useless?
This is an invaluable discussion on the social etiquette of a natural bodily function we all endure on a daily basis!
Should be a sticky IMO....

flanzer

I ALWAYS fart in public but ONLY when I'm on the go. Can't bare to sit there after letting one rip while knowing all around you are guessing that it is most likely you!! Prefer to be walking from one place to another and let it exit naturally rather than sqeezing the [email="b@astard"]b@astard[/email] out!!

*MmmPie*

Was in Dublin the other day, and this really rich/posh looking lady, all dressed up, walked past, and let out one of the longest and loudest farts I've ever hear/smelled in my life! It was odd...And fragrant oto...

johnny_ultimate

mad m wrote:

Well as long as it doesnt turn out to be a "Shartt",Im happy.

When you have to fart, you have to fart. Let it all out I say! It may smell bad, but hey, it's part of life folks! But sharting in public. That's just ill mannered. And uncomfortable. :cool:

rooferPete

Farts are just natures way of preventing chitty thoughts going to the brain

djmarkus

Of course i fart in public, as discreetly as possible, a far bigger problem, and frowned upon even more is itchy ar$e syndrome, now there’s a predicament

Flukey

Silent, but deadly.

iguana

rubadub wrote:

CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

I had a lecturer who used to do this at tutorials. It was so obvious, she'd sit on her ass the majority of the time and as soon as she would get up and walk around a fart would fill the air. We all knew it was her.

My brother had her as well and said she was famous for it with his class as well.