What do you think?

simu

Sanguine Kiss

I am a lost child
falling
dropping
No one understands my thoughts
I'm the darkness that rules your mind
i have a spiritual connection with brandon lee
utterly unloved, my only companion is the darkness
Nobody raises their eyes to heaven, no, not one
screaming
my head is like trent's it is a hole
blood is my life
endless LONELY

Gone West

Like the title.
Line structure is great.
Short concise at the start, then working up to more complex ideas in the middle. And later at the end, its back to short concise.

simu

I've more. This one was after a particularly unsuccessful birthday party. Pink icing never looked the same again.

Nights of Eternity

I am swimming in my own despair
searing
breaking
No one understands my thoughts
while I dream at the wicked night
the blade kisses me deeply
i am mocked by foolish mortals
Eyes closed for the final time, the soul released
helpless
i am fallen and will never rise
one day i too will take life
endless LONELY

Fysh

Hehehe. RITE MORE, RITE MOR! Or something.

simu

I will when inspiration strikes. There is nothing funny about my poetry. If you must laugh, do so in private.

Gone West

simu: I liked the second one too, Its better than the first.
Its rather darker though. Which is good. and bad.
*basically a thumbs up*

Fysh

simu wrote:

I will when inspiration strikes. There is nothing funny about my poetry. If you must laugh, do so in private.

Ah now, there is really. Like the NiN and Crow references though, very...emotive. And the re-usage of lines between both pieces...very deep. Lends them a thread of unity that makes for a total greater than the sum of its parts.

As for laughing, well...public forum and all that.

simu

My cornflakes... sometimes they gaze up at me with the pained expressions of a thousand disenchanted children etched into their grainy skins: I freeze the sorrow in milk but yet it never truly leaves. Fallen leaves.

And so, today I composed this:

Black Tears

The loneliness is deep in my soul
twisting
thundering
i have a demon's thoughts
think in your perpetual dead reason.
they will miss me so when i am gone
utterly unloved, my only companion is the darkness
The fallen, the outcast, the dark angels
helpless
no solace for the unforgiven
one day i too will take life
endless LONELY

simu

Anyone else have opinions? I feel so alone sometimes as an artist...

simu

BloodTears

I am swimming in my own despair
dripping
poisoning
I am devilish and cruel
I write in inks of doom
Trent's words illuminate my soul
i am mocked by foolish mortals
Eyes closed for the final time, the soul released
i really like blood
my soul is like poison
(cry)
endless tears

I'm not sure the 3rd last line works?

Earthhorse

The 3rd last line is fine. However, I noticed you didn't capitalise the final word of the poem this time. This represents a significant departure for you. What gives?

Fysh

It's a radical departure heralding a new era in Simustyle - deliberately making and then breaking conventions to unwittingly force the reader out of their usual mindset and truly appreciate the full impact of the words and their meaning, devoid of the mind-numbing context regular perception imposes on the world.

Well, either that or it could be a typo, I suppose...

simu

I just follow the dictates of my frazzled mind on the lonely paths of creation tbh.

Custom22

Ha ha ha. You better be taking the piss! The plaintive cornflakes.

simu

Custom22 wrote:

Ha ha ha. You better be taking the piss! The plaintive cornflakes.

simu

Simu reveals the secrets of her art

I will accept my ban with dignity if necessary!

Custom22

Its so par for the course here that it was applauded. Ha ha. This is great. How could one not instantly know that it was taking the piss! Good one.

Sarky

You, madam, will get a warning for being naughty. I can't hold the mouse steady to click on ban, I'm laughing too hard.

Don't do it again.

simu

Subversion through laughter. Mwuhahaha!

Earthhorse

What...?

And here was me thinking I'd finally found someone who appreciated the depth of Terence Trent Darby's lyrics.

Fysh

Mental note to self : next time you think it's made using a generator, say so.

I'm kind of disappointed we don't get to see this evolve - it's already at least as good as half this board's regular material. Although the lack of skateboards and kurt cobain hoodies was beginning to give you away...

Sarky

Don't worry, I can hate the posters selves and want them to die enough for EVERYONE. \o/

Raiser

I just wondered who Trent was?

Earthhorse, you were slightly lacking [to be kind]......

........Fuzzylogic, think you were just trying to get into the "poets" knickers.....

Earthhorse

Sorry, I don't get that. I was slightly lacking what?

Fysh

Trent = Trent Reznor, the guy behind Nine Inch Nails. Second only to Kurt Cobain in terms of teenage goth angst idolisation...I thought the "spiritual connection with Brandon Lee" bit was quite funny in its own way though.

simu

I'm convinced at least half of boards' users are products of some random muppet generator tbh.

nesf

Eh? Billy Corgan anyone??


Tbh, ban her. Ban her good!

simu

[fake french accent]I give you the means to make art and this is how you thank me?[/unfake accent]

nesf

simu wrote:

[fake french accent]I give you the means to make art and this is how you thank me?[/unfake accent]

Eh, tbh, I told you the idea and you were the one who decided to steal it

simu

nesf wrote:

Eh, tbh, I told you the idea and you were the one who decided to steal it

My name will go down in history; you will flounder in obscurity, infidel!

Beware or you might make me take up poetry again!

nesf

I have to read every thread on After Hours.

Your threat is meaningless to me.