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LegacyUser

Hello,

Dunno how to start this but here goes. When I was 13 and 14, I used to go to teenage discos every weekend and always had a nagan of vodka and even used to drink shoulders by the time I was 15. I used to have a great time, always pissed. Not a care in the world and I didn't give a damn what anyone thought of me. Then, when I was 16 me and my mates started going to pubs etc. and I used to love it, sitting down and having the crack and everything.

I used to be so excited all week about going out and when I went out I always had a brilliant time. When I was 17, I started smoking hash and taking pills (ecstasy). It became the cool thing to do in our town among my peers in school. Then it ended up that we were taking them every weekend. At this stage, I had new friends. (the wrong people- we werent really friends, just people who took drugs together)

My old friends were into drugs but not as much as I was. Then I moved away to a city on my own without any friends. I was at this stage quite self-concious. I think the drugs did that to me. I never really made any friends because I didn't know how to hold a proper conversation with anybody. I was very shy and I think afraid of people. I would not really even try to make an effort to talk to people. I dressed like a knacker would when I moved, just the same way as Id dressed in my old town when I got into the drugs. When, I talk to people now, I am always self-concious and I cant get over it. I always think people expect more of me when im talking to them and it just ends up me being someone im not and not really ever getting into interesting conversations.

Sometimes i feel really good and do make the effort and I suppose just act myslef but I dont know how this happens. I just wake up with it sometimes. People really like me when im like that. If I was like that all the time, id have loads of friends. Why am I not like that all the time? Sometimes, I hold my head high and then I feel as though I shouldnt hold my head high because I dont deserve to go around with my head high. I think people notice me and are thinking "Why is he holding his head high". Its stupid I know but when Im concious of myself like that i cant remove these thoughts.

So the bottom line is I have no friends. I know people and sometimes I will go out with them but they never ring me the next night to go out.

I am moving soon to another town to do a course and Im hopeful that ill be able to prepare myslef properly for going so I can meet new friends, meet girls, enjoy going out for a pint etc. and just acting myself and having self esteem.

I have tried everything I can think of and sometimes I think im getting better but then the next day I could be worse and I feel like packing in life and get so annoyed that im back to square one.


What can I do?

cotillion

Your life sounds pretty shít. What advice do you expect from an internet discussion board? Go see a counselor.

Squirrel

I agree with cotillion, counsellor asap. But, if you're still on the drugs the most important thing is to get off them

cornbb

At least you recognise you have a problem, thats the first step taken care of. Kick the drugs. If you keep taking drugs you'll end up making friends with other people who take drugs and that'll slow you down. It might not be easy but give it a lash.

LegacyUser

the thing about yokes is that you could be depressed and paranoid for weeks after taking them and not realise that its them thats doing it. they drain you of seratonin which is the hormone that makes you happy. if you're not happy you won't be confident. the other side though is that these other people that you're socialising with don't know what's going on in your head. they're not going around thinking "oh your man never says anything interesting" or "whats up with him" or whatever. they're far too busy with their own lives, their own worries and (if they're taking yokes as well) their own paranoia/depression/insecurity. insecurity and paranoia affects everyone very differently as well. it can make some people quiet and some people aggressive and nasty or whatever. jesus this is a ramble now sorry i'll leave it there.

shakaman

sounds like a serious of paranoia from all the drugs my man, believe me talk to someone qualified to deal with this sh*t before things get worse. Absolutely useless point by cotillion your life ain't sh*t, it's just taken a downward turn since you got involved in drugs. Cornbb is right, fair play you realise you have a problem, next step is to deal with it. Go to your local doc and seek adivce from a drugs counsellor. Best of luck

LegacyUser

HHH gave you good advice. Sounds like you've got a bad case of drug-induced paranoia. There is a certain fakeness to taking yokes with a group of mates a lot of the time, and people might not like to admit it, but sometimes these people are merely people to go buzzing with and if you get down to the fundamentals of it, you may find you don't particularly like/care/know very much about them and visa versa. If you're head is not in a particularly good place right now, pill comedowns on a regular basis really isn't going to help matters. Might be fine when you're buzzing but not if it's going to make you feel so isolated and miserable. I do think it's a good idea to go and see someone. Moving to a new town to do a course should offer you a wonderful opportunity to wipe the slate clean and reinvent yourself as the "real" you. Good luck x

LegacyUser

I think I should go to see a councellor so?
How will they be able to help me though?

Selik

Unreg McReg wrote:

HHH gave you good advice. Sounds like you've got a bad case of drug-induced paranoia. There is a certain fakeness to taking yokes with a group of mates a lot of the time, and people might not like to admit it, but sometimes these people are merely people to go buzzing with and if you get down to the fundamentals of it, you may find you don't particularly like/care/know very much about them and visa versa. If you're head is not in a particularly good place right now, pill comedowns on a regular basis really isn't going to help matters. Might be fine when you're buzzing but not if it's going to make you feel so isolated and miserable. I do think it's a good idea to go and see someone. Moving to a new town to do a course should offer you a wonderful opportunity to wipe the slate clean and reinvent yourself as the "real" you. Good luck x

You've got a point there about the whole "going out and taking yoks with a bunch of people all the time". Although in fairness I met three of my best mates doing stuff like that so who knows. I guess it's a case of seperating the wheat from the chaff!

To the original poster, definitely go and see a counsellor. You will get help trust me. That's what they're there for dude...

Best of luck and you're halfway there already as you've recognised something's amiss.

CatInABox

Counsellors can do a lot of things, but mainly they help you get yourself back on track. This will mean giving up drugs, and deciding to help yourself(but you've already taken the first steps of admitting there's a problem). They will help you to see where you went wrong and how to get to the stage where you can be confident/fun without needing to take drugs.

Gazza22

cotillion wrote:

Your life sounds pretty shít. What advice do you expect from an internet discussion board? Go see a counselor.

cotillion, don't be so abrupt in your posting. Yeah your right in a way but while hes here i think he would like some advice...

Right well you mentioned that you are moving to a new town soon. This is a great opportunity for you. You can start a fresh page in life and the course your doing will keep you stimulated.

Just try your best to be clean of drugs when you move to this town. Don't waste this opportunity. And yeah as suggested above, go to a councellor a.s.a.p, it will help you.

penguincakes

A tip for meeting new people, even if you're terribly shy, is to just pretend that you're confident. Look at the people around you who you think have no problem meeting people and do what they do, no matter how stupid you feel doing it. And you will feel stupid, probably, the first few times & you may well make a balls of it, but persevere because the phrase "fake it til you make it" applies here. Confidence = practise, above anything else.

Victor

guest10000 wrote:

I think I should go to see a councellor so? How will they be able to help me though?

They will be able to facilitate you in making your own decisions.

It also means your not on the journey alone, that their is someone you can touch base with on a regular basis, to bounce ideas off, to act as an earthing rod.

LegacyUser

The problem I always thought in going to a counsellor over a issue like this (I never had to go myself) was their first reaction is "get off the drugs". For someone that has never been into pills, it's difficult to explain what it's like. Now while I'm not saying you shouldn't give the drugs the boot, they are an easy target to lay all the blame on.

As with one of the other posters, I've made some amazing friends from going out taking pills. I've also got so much closer to friends I had before, by going out doing pills with them. Granted you form some relationships with people that aren't as deep rooted, but at the same time I know that, I wouldn't go ringing these people in a crisis, but I still enjoy heading out with them even if it is for only a few pints, a game of poker, some football, or some snooker.

I don't do pills much anymore, in fact it's been months. But back in my late teens it was almost every week, like yourself. That's certainly not a habit you want when you get into your 20s, sure I couldn't even handle doing them every week at this stage.

I think that if you are smoking hash on a regular basis, it is definitely something you should try and cut back or ideally eradicate totally. I know lads that developed a big dependance on smoking and ended up just being lazy and unenergetic, and I don't mean they gave up playing sports or just sat around the house. In conversation and socialising they are lazy and unenergetic. They have really lost something from their personality. The lads I'm talking about are the lads that will leave the pub ten minutes early together to have a few on the way home. That's the type of dependance you definitely want to stamp out.

I've smoked once in the last three months and I feel so much better for it. I think sustained use really rots your brain.

You have to ask yourself why did you move away on your own? Did you get a job? Was it to break away from the rut you put yourself in? Why not get back in touch with your old mates from home?

As regards where you are now, why do you wait for the people you do go out with to ring you the next day? Why not ring them? Get to know them better?

To be honest while you might feel down about where you are now, you have a lot to look forward to. You are starting a new course soon. If you're not happy with where you are now see this as a fresh start. A clean slate. Try and make friends from day one. Leave your past behind you if you want.

Don't worry about how you come across, be yourself, you seem interesting enough from your post, and to be honest while you might not be proud of your past, I've always found that people who have dabbled with some drugs tend to be very open-minded, easy-going and interesting people subsequently. Stop worrying about it so much!