In Love With Mauritian Guy, Family Wont Allow

aash

Ok I'll be brief, am in major need of advice here, I am in my late 20's, yes I did say late 20's, I'm still living with my parents and family, I met a mauritian guy who's 6 years younger than me 2 months ago, we have been sneaking around meeting each other because both our families won't allow us to be together, now I know your saying im in my late 20's or whatever but it isnt as clear cut as that, my parents are STRICT catholics and are also quite racist, in fact just racist, I tried to bring up himself with my mother but to be honest she hit the roof and said I wasnt to "associate myself with their type" and warned me to cut all contact or else I'd end up making a disgrace of myslef and the family. I know not to even bring up the subject anymore nothing I say will convince her or the rest of the family.... He lives with relations who also wont allow us to be 2gether so we are now sneaking around meeting as much as we can for 2 or 3 hours at a time, when we meet in town we have to walk past each other as if we dont even know one another and it breaks my heart.... 3 weeks ago he told me he loves me and I do love him, I want to be with him, we have both gone through similar situations and this somehow makes us understand each other, I just need to know what the hell I do now, do I just try and forget him and move on knowing that we can never be together or what?

Squirrel

I reckon it's time you got your own place, and don't take it from your parents. I know it'll be hard to ignore them but if you love him, you love him

Chucky the tree

YOur in your late 20s and still allowing your parents to control your life?



oh dear.

aash

OK i have a very serious health condition and the family have been through 2 deaths so I dont want to bring any more heartache....

Squirrel

aash wrote:

OK i have a very serious health condition and the family have been through 2 deaths so I dont want to bring any more heartache....

I did say it'll be hard but you also need to think of yourself. I'm not going to delve into it, but does the health condition require you to stay with your parents?

You could tell your parents outright and if they complain, stand up for yourself, don't let them dictate your life. If you forget him, what if he was "the one"? No point ever regretting it, and if things don't work out well, you'll have shown your parents that you'll stand up for youself

Best of luck

aash

Yes I have to stay with them I cant work so dont earn enough to be on my own,... have tried it but to no avail my mum hit the roof

Squirrel

aash wrote:

Yes I have to stay with them I cant work so dont earn enough to be on my own,... have tried it but to no avail my mum hit the roof

Personally I wouldn't give up, even if that meant meeting up in secret, but a question you have to ask yourself is, will he be able to support you? If he can't it makes things more difficult for you, if he can you need to show this somehow to your parents, the way they see it they're doing what's best for you, although based on their own prejudices.

You are in a very unfortunate situatuion and I hope everything turns out for the best

aash

well he knows about my health I dont know if he fully understands but just last night... we were talking about sneaking around etc and he said he doesnt care once he has me and once we can meet it is worth taking the risk for... so im going to keep seeing him, i need to be with him and i just ope that my famiyl come round.....

Squirrel

All the best, and maybe someone here has a personal experience of something similar

aash

Thanks squirrel!

quad_red

I suppose the fact that you have health problems that you depend on your parents to help you with, means they have alot of de facto influence and hence power over your life. They are also likely to be very protective of you. This may be further fuelling racist tendencies for them making any allowances hard for them to give.

Have they met the gent in question?

You need to be quietly insistent to them about your need to be happy and to have a life that is your own.

nesf

It can be very hard to balance when your parents have so much influence over your life. If you are very ill, then yes they naturally will have a lot of influence. The disability/illness pension in this country is a joke, you earn more working 20 hours a week on min wage! So supporting yourself fully is not easy and in some cases not an option. Simply put, doctors bills, prescription bills etc can mount up very quickly. Although, if you cannot work at all, you would be entitled to a medical card which would cover all that. But then for a lot of things, going private is a far better option, and that is something you need money for.


Your parents will naturally be very protective of you because of your continued need to depend on them. It's going to be difficult, but they need to respect your age and the fact that you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions. That will require a lot of work on your part though.

Gazza22

If you definitely see this relationship going somewhere then don't let anybody stand in your way.

You are old enough now to make your own decisions and your parents should respect that. They should also have the decency to stay out of your love life. You should have a serious talk with them and explain that you love him and nothing will change that.

You shouldn't just "forget him", this is one of those things that people regret making for a very long time.

Victor

Is it reasonable to be in love after 5 weeks? Love or infatuation?

aash

OK am going to try and answer most questions etc no they havent met him and I dont think its even an iss ue at the moment, i dont know if it going to go anywhere, so i am being cautious as well i supose dont want to start a load of **** and then for it to go bellyup.......as for it being love or infatuation, who knows, i do know that the thoughht of him makes me weak, i have never had that feeling before so I am just assuming its love, i been in what I thought was love but only to realise compared to what i feel for this guy it was nothing... i do believe what we have got is special whether it lasts or not no one knows.... we have already said no matter what happens we are there for each other and i intend to go to mauritius with him for a holiday at some stage........ maybe im just a fool i dont know

Victor

I thought he was from Mauritania. My fault.

Beruthiel

you are still in the "rose tinted glasses" phase of the relationship.
take it slow, see where it goes and do not make any snap decisions yet.
Time to find your own gaf I think. If in a years time you are still seeing him then it's time to probably tell your parents but there certainly is no need to at the moment, it's nobodies business what you are doing at your age.
As for them not liking it, too bad, this is your life and under no circumstances should you be living it by their rules, if you do, it will be one miserable life for you.
You are their daughter, they will be pissed off but at the end of the day no parent who loves their child is going to turn their back on them over something so petty, it will take time but they will come around, after all, your child being happy is all any parent wants.
If they don't come around, it's their loss, life is way too short for such bullsh!t.

DublinWriter

aash wrote:

i have never had that feeling before so I am just assuming its love

I'd first ask you do you know the difference between loving someone and being in love with them?

Secondly, are your health problems still on-going, i.e. do you still have a good reason to still be living with your folks?

Thirdly, it's your life, not theirs, but while you're living with them, you're still living under their terms and conditions.

Lastly, and I don't want to sound like a hardass here, but your folks most likely won't be around when you are in your 40's/50's and you'll have the actions and decisions you make now to live with for the rest of your life.

Gilgamesh

you have only been seeing him for two months sofar.
Hmmm.... I personally am not a person who entirely belives in the principal of 'the one' so here are my two cents.
As Ruthie allready said, it is too early on in the relationship to truly know how you feel about him, I mean, two months is nothing these days, and especially if you have only been meeting him briefly for a few hours a week, I am positive you guys have still got lots to talk about.
Also, in what way are you forced to live with your parents?
Is it just the financial side?
Seriously, your parents should understand, that even if you are very ill, you need your own life and as you are in your late twenties, you should try and push that.
but you definetly need to move out from home, no matter how hard it is.
You are in a place where you have to make a decision, but both choices will cause you stress, but possibly not as much as having to hide a relationship imho.

I was very ill in the last two years, nearly bringing me to a point of insanity, and it was through my closest friends that I got through, and it makes you think, like Beruthiel said, that life is too short to be pi$$ing around

good luck to you

Hagar

Assume for a moment that this guy is not the guy for you.
There will be others. Will your parents' protectiveness cause problems then?

I think you should talk to your parents about the situation in general, not specifically this guy.

The race thing may not be as important as you think.
Most parents when all is said and done just want their kids to be healthy and happy.
It seems they are putting all their effort into the health front.
Maybe they need to be reminded that happiness is important too.
After all who wants to be healthy and miserable?

Sleepy

Have you contacted the health board about getting your own place?