Can I have a girl to Love please?

LegacyUser

Hello, (I know this is nothing new but it's my own so please give it some time and patience),

I'm a 21 year old and I've never had a girlfriend. I was always a bit on the heavy side which meant the girls never really paid much attention to me but I was always good friends with them.

I'm a mummy's boy as I was raised solely with my mother and had no siblings until quite late at the age of 11 so by then my character was pretty much built but my mother was like a best friend and the most loving mother you could ever have (since she was told she couldn't have children and yet had me so to her I was her miracle child but that's another story I'm just trying to give an idea as to how much I was loved which lead to my character).

I being a heavy child up through my teen years until the age of 20 never had any contact with females more than just friends. I used to hang around with a group of girls all the time while growing up but as my friends and them would sometimes "meet" eachother etc I never did. Yeh it was unfortunate but it didn't bother me greatly then because I knew it was because I was fat. Anyway.

Now I'm not so fat and I've upped my appearance greatly (simply by paying attention to it really) I've lost a good deal of weight also. Not all of it I still have a bit of pudge here and there but you couldn't really tell from looking at me Anyway. I went from 19 and a half stone to 14 and a quarter which is what i am now. I'm 6'1" and my perfect body weight is 13 stone so I'm a little overweight now that's all.

I'm looking for one thing. Someone to love and to be loved by. I've felt lonely for years having no girlfriend to be close to and it's really really starting to affect me mentally as I'm getting depressed without someone. I'm not desperate however this may sound I'm just lonely. I'm attractive enough as girl-friends have told me "very cute and cuddly" one or two "hots" even apparently and I do get a "looks" just walking down the street and I don't mean weird looks or anything but I've had real trouble finding a girl who likes me enough to follow anything. I'm a girls best friend and I always make people laugh as I'm a bit nuts too so they like me for that too but I still can't find one that I really like either. One that's open minded and really cool ye know.

OK I know that's really general and I also know you'd say "Just wait and see...it'll happen eventually...someone will come sooner or later " but I'm lonely and I'm tired waiting since I've waited so long already just to have someone to hold and be close to. If I didn't care it'd be easy but the problem is I really have bags of love to give and I haven't anyone to give it to

This isn't meant to be a Sob story by any means, I just hope to get some kind of views or suggestions from people who've been in my shoes.

Thank you.

Bamboozled

Stop looking. Its an old saying because it is true. When people look for a partner they give off a certain "air" and others can pick up on that. When you stop looking and accept that what ever will be will be, that "air" goes and can do wonders.

Making a girl laugh is a huge positive. Dont go overboard and try force it.

If you are finding girls, but it doesnt go further than a few dates, the "air" that i was on about above can put them off. Relax relax relax! Dont necessarily try to be women's best friends - we have other women and sometimes guys for that, instead take that out of your focus. Yes, it is good to be able to be friends, but more importantly it is better to be able to communicate.

If you are finding girls and then nothign is happening, they can be intimidated by the closeness you feel with your mother. Although I understand to a certain degree how precious you are to your mother, this sort of thing can make women/girls run a mile.

There is such a thing as "only son syndrome" whereby the mother cannot let the son go, and will be involved too much in their life. By all means stay close with your mother, but do not let it interfere or come up in situations with women. It can be extremely difficult from a female point of view when in this situation. Sons do not tend to notice it and it can cause large problems later on in relationships and even marriages.

When others advise that you should go seek hobbies, do. It is a tried and tested method for meeting others with similar interests to you. Pubs and clubs aren't for everyone.

Dagon

Check out the "Meeting nice girls, where" thread, could be a help

WhiteWashMan

well, you will never meet anyone just waiting.

why not actively look for one if you are that desperate?

bragan

Firstly, its hard when you feel like that, but there right about the desperate needy air. Girls don't like that. They don't want to feel trapped at the start, and they also like a bit of a challange, so if your making to easy at the start they will get bored. And im sorry to quote the old saying, it will happen when you least expect it, but it really will.
As already said, maybe you need to get into some clubs, societys, or classes. There is loads of things on that are great for meeting people. The pub/club scene isn't right for that at all. you need to go somewhere were you will meet people and be able to chat and have a laugh. There is swing dancing classes on in the vaults on a webnesday night at 7.30pm. They are a really good way to meet people, and are suitable for beginners.

And i know you said that you don't want people to say give it time, but unfortunatly thats all you actually can do. You can't force the right person to come along when you want them, you have to wait until the time is right.

joejoem

I see these threads in here all the time and I have found myself thinking about it out of boards use hours so I would like to offer my advice.

A few years ago I felt pretty much simialar, I was in a pretty bad way. The only thing that will get you through this is time, and keeping your head down with the thought that things can only get better. It seems like such a cliche, but a cliche is just that for a reason, because thats the way these things happen. I hate to ramble but its hard to word. Things went from bad to good over a long period and eventually I reached the mind set I have now.

One thing I have noticed, in my job I deal with alot of couples and single women, and there are a huge amount of them unhappy. Like I said earlier I have thought about people in your position before and what I have come to realise is that the reason these girls are unhappy is that they have waited and waited to meet there "mister right" but have had to settle. This opinion might anger some people and Im sure there are many who will disagree but the reality is that if you dont gamble and put yourself out there to meet someone (and by this I dont mean try once, I mean repeat and repeat) you will never find that girl. In years to come she will have settled with someone maybe in a "happy" situation but clearly missing out on what she could have had with you. Another thing about getting out there is that you get better and better at it, eventually you will be confident enough to walk up to a girl without thinking. If you ever do doubt yourself just think what you could be missing if you dont bite the bullitt and chaterup!

Hearing No is a horrible thing but as you get older you will find yourself in positions where you have to say it! And as you get more confident with yourself you will find yourself saying it allot more! One more thing I have noticed through work is allot of times the most beautiful girls will be with a guy where you think "Now how the fcuk did that happen, he's not rich and I do not find him funny!" Best of luck with it and I hope things turn around. Keep the faith!

joejoem

I just re read your post, Do you think you could be gay?

phillipfogg

joejoem does this smells like **** to you too?

Ruu_Old

Try finding a girl but dont try so hard that it makes you feel down. Im the oddest of odd characters and extremely shy and yes a mammys boy . One night i went out to the local club and was dancing around on my own as usual and then a hot young thing came up to me and asked me to teach her how to dance(haha!) and then we she ended up snogging me for the whole nite..and no she wasnt drunk ! Anyway you are thinking too much about it that it might be clouding things a bit, do you go out much? best of luck anyway

Kintarō Hattori

WhiteWashMan wrote:

well, you will never meet anyone just waiting.

why not actively look for one if you are that desperate?

Didn't he say he WASN'T desperate, just lonely? C'mon whitewashman, did you read it carefully?

miss_gonzo

You gotta go out and find this girl youre searching for
she isnt going to come to you

Do something productive with the lonliness you are feeling
I dont doubt that you have a lot to offer in a relationship and its not all about looks. If loosing weight has brought you confidence, its time to apply it.

Put yourself out there somehow, dont be afraid of regection

best wishes

timaaaaay

Bamboozled wrote:

Making a girl laugh is a huge positive. Dont go overboard and try force it.

This interests me as I seem to be able to make certain girls roll around the floor in laughter (well almost) while others don't see me as any funnier than the average guy. If a girl finds you hilariously funny, and I'm just talking about when I make general observations on life, etc., are you "half way there"? Sorry to the OP for butting in, but its not too much off topic.

jimmycrackcorm

Needy McNeed wrote:

Can I have a girl to Love please? .

You want fries with that?

jonny68

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

You want fries with that?

Sleepy

Woody Allen wrote:

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions

Get out there and get some practice whilst waiting for Ms. Right.

You could try asking your female friends if they have any cute friends that you'd work with?

Civilian_Target

Just be happy and be yourself, and don't forget to party. Don't be afraid of looking at girls, and don't be afraid to go over and introduce yourself if they look back.

If you try too hard it will never happen, but some night when you're chilling with a friend or two, in a good mood and having a good time (and its showing), something will happen.

Of course - when it comes down to it, whats the big deal? There's no rush these days, 21's young and there's more to life than girlfriends. A lot more.

chern0byl

Civilian_Target wrote:

there's more to life than girlfriends. A lot more.

There is more, but its nice to get yourself some regular sex.

OP: It wont happed for you if you continue in your current mindset. You sound desperate, needy and you are unattractive to women like that.

21 and never had a girlfriend..so! Why should it be an issue? Being overwieght is no excuse though man. Fat people have boyfriends/girlfriends. Ugly people too.