Phillo

ziggy sawdust

Grafton St has been improved
With his elegant demeanure.

Cast in gilt, he shimmers
quietly in a quiet light
while all around is bustle.

I dash past and catch a glance,
of bronze-eyed wild refinement.

And smile to myself, because I know
The boy is back in town.

McFiddler

Very good. I read in one of your posts that you recommended reading Heany and I'd say that you can see some of his influence in this poem. Would you say that he had inspired you as a poet?

Keep up the good work,
I look foward to reading more

ziggy sawdust

hey thanks mc, yeah I do have a lot of time for Heaney - simple structures, evocative words and the uncanny ability to bring the reader into the heart of his world.

fair play to the boy for picking up a nobel prize a few years back - he deserved it.

(never sure about his translation of Beowolf though - gunno if you've read it)

zs

Le Rack

a four foot box, a foot for every year...

Most haunting image ever!

Blush_01

I like it. One little thing...

quietly in a quiet light

I don't know whether this was intentional and pointed repetition, but I'm not sure if it works. perhaps using another adjective to describe the light would make the poem more powerful?

ziggy sawdust

totally intentional

I like repeating vowel sounds within line structure and sometimes the neatest way to do it is through the use of the same word - the same adjective applied slightly differently for example.

have a read of Yeats's wonderful "He wishes for the cloths of heaven" and you'll see how effective the repetition of the word 'light' is.

'quietly in a quiet light
while all around is bustle'

i think these lines work really well together - the light 'e' and 'i' sounds of quietness in the first line contrast with the 'o's and the 'u's in the next line.

ZS

Le Rack

"Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

Not a huge fan of Yeats but I do like that.

Ziggy you have a great grasp of onomathaeopia (sp) and assonance, two things which I love in poetry, not sure I would have used it to write about Phil Lynnot's statue but the sounds in the poem are great.

humbleCounty

have to say i like it. Very simple, elegant, and doesn't overstate anything. A tribute poem could have been a disaster but this i like,, dont know much about poetry to comment on form and style etc, but i like this for its simplicity.

still havent managed to get in and see the statue yet though!