Shambles

Le Rack

Serendipity was finding you
But now I see its losing too.

You took my heart
My heart you broke
All is gone
Not fogotten
But I hope forgiven

Can you smooth over
Such a crease upon your soul
From where you went from
Good to bad
Losing and then finding
All you ever had.




This poem is a shambles hence the name!
I like the last verse and it kinda fits with the first verse but the bit in the middle is just shíte, I wrote in three very different moods and emotional places though so neh... Its still a shambles!

ctrl-alt-delete

why post it then?

Le Rack

cuz I wanna fix it

ctrl-alt-delete

i quite like the final stanza too, try do more with it by starting again, find all you have and dont lose it, take the time thats free at hand, you need to take more time sorting out your poems before posting them if you want my advice, if you want help sorting out your poems, i would suggest not posting so much at any given time, you are a bit prolific for people to concentrate on your works

Waltons

If you're not happy with it then you should take what you like and work over it again until you are happy. At the end of the writing process you should be left with which YOU are happy and gets your point across well not something which is trying to pander to the tastes of your readers. Sure, we can give you constructive criticism but you're going to have to do the bulk of the "fixing".
Ctrl-Alt-Delete is absolutely right.

Le Rack

I think I've improved it, if not a lot then a bit. I haven't got my notepad at teh minute to post it but when I do, I'll stick it on up.