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The Inside Lie

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  • 19-08-2005 11:12am
    #1
    Nirina
    Registered Users Posts: 142 ✭✭


    The Inside Lie

    You’re the type of person who kept me happy,
    But you’re the one who made me sad.
    You always said you really liked me,
    But now you’re bull-****ting to others so I guess that’s bad.
    I thought I was special, I thought I was all you had.
    But you thanked the gods if I wasn’t there,
    Why you make me so sad?

    Chorus:
    I’m crying on the inside
    While smiling on the outside,
    I’m dieing on the inside
    While living a lie on the outside.

    I was the person you told your secrets to,
    But I could never betray you
    I was the one you kissed every night too
    I always kept myself true to you
    I hated the other girls who kept you
    I cried for you when you left, but I live on…

    Chorus

    Come back to me
    Stop breaking my heart
    Stop ignoring me
    You once loved me, but now we’re apart
    I’ll love you forever, will you?

    © Nirina 2005

    Comments are welcome, just please don't be overly harsh if you don't like


Comments

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    #2
    Nidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Nidge


    Ok first of all before I say much about the poem can you imagine yourself singing those lyrics with 100 people looking up at you at a gig? How do you think this song would sound, would it be overall melancholic-sounding? I would presume so.


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    #3
    Nirina
    Registered Users Posts: 142 ✭✭Nirina


    melcanholic?? Please explain, and i can imagine what it'll sound like on stage, i have the music in my head for that one.


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    #4
    Nidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Nidge


    Nirina wrote:
    melcanholic?? Please explain, and i can imagine what it'll sound like on stage, i have the music in my head for that one.

    Well first of all the word is melancholic, as in your song is and expression of sadness. Do you think you could record the song and post it up? What I am saying is that these lyrics are far too much like a feeling written down in it's rawest and least thought out form. There is nothing creative about it, it's just like a thought, it's grand if you can do it but singing those words on a stage is like being a singing open book of your life.

    There's very little that's original about the content itself, because all this stuff happens to EVERYONE at some stage, the question is do you think this is any different to what someone else would write, at your age, if they put pen-to-paper? I just don't think it's very interesting, all I feel is that I know a bit more about what's on your mind, but it's very generic teen-angst gick. It's just that it's not original and you might not care for it to be original but it's really the people listening/reading that you should be worried about they are the ones who'll take interest in the lyrics and if they feel they've heard it or could write it themselves they won't have much respect for it. Anyway, keep trying.


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    #5
    Nirina
    Registered Users Posts: 142 ✭✭Nirina


    Ok, i understand you know. Still i do think i'd be able to record it and make it sound good, yes it may need changes, but its the feeling i have for it. I know ppl go thru it, thats why i also wrote it, bcoz ppl can relate to it, know wat i mean? But i will keep trying for something different and original, something no one has thot of, which is a bit hard. Especially since i'm a noob writer!


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