Light bulb jokes!

fun bus

Keep them coming!

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
LETS RIDE BIKES!!!!

Fabritzo

And in equally poor taste, mostly ripped from wikipedia.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One-two, one-two, one-two

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: To get to the other side.

Q: How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to buy an Art Deco bulb, and one to shriek, "FAAAAAAAAAbulous!"

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1001: one to install the new bulb, plus one thousand lawyers to assert intellectual property rights over every light bulb ever invented.

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three.
Q: Why?
A: BECAUSE IT JUST DOES -- OKAY?

Q: How many Social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They're not qualified to change it, but they have a pamphlet on "Coping with Darkness"

Q: How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!!!!!

IceHawk

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. It's getting them in there that's the problem.

Maximilian

German Version:

Q: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One.

joejoem

Maximilian wrote:

German Version:

Q: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One.

ROFL

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, bono, he holds the lightbulb and the universe revolves around him

Blub2k4

How many dyslexics does it take to change a liggety blob?

Frank Drebin

IceHawk wrote:

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. It's getting them in there that's the problem.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL......That's a great one!

Talliesin

Q: How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

astec123

Steps to installing bulb
Men:
-Remove bulb
-find new one in kitchen of same spec
-return to light
-install
-turn on and enjoy

Women
-look up and say "tsk its gone again"
-Look up at the light for a few minutes
-walk to kitchen bringing back a new bulb
-remove old bulb
-attempt to fit new bulb that is not the same type, shape or wattage
-realise the mistake
-replace original bulb again
-return to kitchen
-look through the bulbs you have
-take several "likely" ones back
-remove dead bulb for the second time
-try all new bulbs (paying no attention to what the original one says on it)
-take the old and new bulbs realise you dont know which one is the dead one any more and return to box in the kitchen for the husband to sort next time

The inverse is

Woman - the bulbs gone
Man -I will do it tomorrow
woman - no you wont, you will forget
man - no I wont
*arguement ensues*
2 weeks later the bulb is still there.

Roar

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and three red shirt security officers beam down. The three security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

Maximilian

joejoem wrote:

ROFL

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, bono, he holds the lightbulb and the universe revolves around him

Haha class - heard a similar version before. Very adaptable to any egotistical people you know.

derek27

how many queers does it take to change a light bulb?
>>>2... one to screw it in and the other to svck his c0ck.

joejoem

Blub2k4 wrote:

How many dyslexics does it take to change a liggety blob?

classic!


Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have dislexia and
asodj josjfoj opijfdpi

JackKelly

q:how many posts does it take for Derek27 to get banned?

a:268!



lolzer!11wtfbbq!11one

.
.
.

you idiot

Jim_Are_Great

Q:How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in, the other to hold the penis. I MEAN LADDER!

BioHazRd

derek27, you are a muppet - banned for a week

Bio

The Clown Man

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But only if it really wants to change.


How many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Two. One to change the bulb, one not to change the bulb.


How many shinners does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sinn Fein had nothing to do with the lightbulb.


How many psycho-feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to screw it in, one to loudly remark how badly the bulb violates
the rights of the socket, one to secretly wish she was the socket and one
to secretly wish she was the bulb.

TerrorFirmer

lmao, these jokes are great!

Tomohawk

How many surreaslists does it take change a light bulb?
Fish.





...I liked that one about the german electrician...

Roar

how many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb??

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Frank Drebin

Roar wrote:

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
.

Isn't it 'light bulb'?

Peteee

Roar wrote:

how many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb??

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

ME TOO!

goodgod3rd

Hey ..

Q.How many lightbulb jokers dose it take to change a lightblub?
A.I dunno... i lost count. The fact that there are so many jokes ... and each one has a lightbulb to change.. and the joker was obviously present at the time (seen as they know exacly what happend) then it is theoretically possible that the joker could change it... seen as the others (normally the subject of ridcule) do it so badly that the joker need to complain. Logic would have it that the answer is X. {X= the number of "light bulb jokes" out there!}:cool:

goodgod3rd

joejoem wrote:

classic!


Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have dislexia and
asodj josjfoj opijfdpi

thats not really a joke.. its more " mock other's vunerbly".. which is a form of entainment... to which soem find interesting.
:mad:

Blub2k4

goodgod3rd wrote:

thats not really a joke.. its more " mock other's vunerbly".. which is a form of entainment... to which soem find interesting.
:mad:

Is this an ironic joke? I suspect not so I'll shut up now.
Is funny in a demonstration type way :cool:

D

Q: How many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:It doesn't matter how many there are, anarchists can't change a thing.

mad m

Maximilian wrote:

German Version:

Q: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One.

joejoem wrote:

ROFL

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, bono, he holds the lightbulb and the universe revolves around him

I've never laughed so much at one thread,brilliant!!

I goto bed a happy man with a nice big grin.

goodgod3rd

Blub2k4 wrote:

Is this an ironic joke? I suspect not so I'll shut up now.
Is funny in a demonstration type way :cool:

not sure.. it was a bad day.. i did in fact find it funny
:>

BizzyC

Blub2k4 wrote:

How many dyslexics does it take to change a liggety blob?

Deadly!!:D

Hmm_Messiah

derek27 wrote:

how many queers does it take to change a light bulb?
>>>2... one to screw it in and the other to svck his c0ck.

you've never had sex have you ?

you don't really have any friends do you ?