How to help a friend that harms themself?

LegacyUser

Whenever my friend gets upset or angry he cuts himself.Usually its on the leg but a few times he has cut near his wrist.This causes me alot of worry because i don't know if it could get to the stage where i lose him forever.

I have asked him why he does it and he said its because it distracts him from the emotional pain in his life.

I was hoping somebody here could give me advice on how to help him get through this


Thank you

Gazza22

Yes, i have been in this exact situation myself.

A few months ago my friend told me that she has been cutting herself quite often, she was very stressed at the time, had alot of family problems. She told me that she did it because it was pain she could control and it distracted her from the torment inside.

I was horrified to hear this, i didn't expect it but i didn't criticize her. I just had talks with her and told her that what she was doing was rather stupid. She promised me she wouldnt do it again, and she hasn'tto this day which i am thankful for. It best to have talks with them yourself first and just let them get everything off their chest, then advise them to seek professional help.

People who are in that situation need a bit of a lifestyle change to get them through their problems.

Victor

Well, first off be their friend. Talk to them, not just about their problems, but about ordinary, everyday things too. You seem to be successful so far.

Your friend probably needs some professional help. Perhaps a discussion about what help they've received so far might be a starting point. GPs can usually recommend professionals locally.

Second, realise that you can't solve everything.

And again, be a friend.

b3t4

gazza22 wrote:

. She promised me she wouldnt do it again, and she hasn'tto this day which i am thankful for.

May I ask as to how you know whether she has done it again or not?

This behaviour is very addictive and she will more than likely do something like this again. Also, she may be harming herself in ways that might not be so visible to the eye.

Also, I don't think that telling someone who is harming themselves that what they are doing is "stupid". To the person who is commiting the act it is a means to coping with their current situation.

A friend of mine has read a book which was written from the point of view of the self harmer. She found it to be very informative and can now to some extent understand the self harmers point of view. I amn't rightly sure what the name of the book was so I will update this thread later with the title.

<edit> The name of the book is Cat’s Eyes by Margaret Atwood. Please be warned, I'm not aware as to how suitable this book would be for those who actively self harm or have done so in the past.</edit>

A.

Macbeth

Advice Needed wrote:

Whenever my friend gets upset or angry he cuts himself.Usually its on the leg but a few times he has cut near his wrist.This causes me alot of worry because i don't know if it could get to the stage where i lose him forever.

I have asked him why he does it and he said its because it distracts him from the emotional pain in his life.

I was hoping somebody here could give me advice on how to help him get through this


Thank you

It's a very complex topic...I lived with a woman who self-harmed for 10 years, and I got some very good advice from a chat site that specialises exclusively with SI. There are certain conditions that "trigger" an SI activity. It's helpful to know what in particular is the root cause. Pain is sometimes a reminder for Self harmers of their being connected with the real world especially if he feels isolated and misunderstood. May I suggest the site that is very useful for you to check out and ask some specific questions: http://buslist.org/members.html
If you're familar with chatrooms which may be the case then check out this link and when the page loads select the BUS Chat link. Log on with an anonymous name, then start chatting.
I wish him all the very best

claire h

Advice Needed wrote:

Whenever my friend gets upset or angry he cuts himself.Usually its on the leg but a few times he has cut near his wrist.This causes me alot of worry because i don't know if it could get to the stage where i lose him forever.

I have asked him why he does it and he said its because it distracts him from the emotional pain in his life.

I was hoping somebody here could give me advice on how to help him get through this


Thank you

It's a coping mechanism, just like any other - like hitting a pillow or throwing something across a room. To be honest I'm still not entirely sure whether it's as dreadful a thing as many seem to think it is (in that I don't think professional help is necessary or the cure for it, though I'm sure it's helpful for most) because there are so many other, smaller but still self-destructive things people use as coping mechanisms which people *don't* fuss over. But anyway. *am a teeny bit biased* Demanding that he stop because it's wrong or bad or whatever probably isn't going to help. Suggesting that he do something else, like the hitting-a-pillow or doing some kind of physical exercise or squeezing an ice-cube, as a replacement action for dealing with the emotional pain, might help. And then getting him to talk or write or vent in some way about specific things that are going on could work, too. And for your own sake - be a good friend, but it's not your job to be a 24/7 therapist.

Nightwish

i self harmed for more years than i care to remember. and it is a way of coping and yes it is addictive. Most of the time the person is not out to end their life, but whatever situation in their life that has lead them to self harm, will eventually leave them suicidal. well this is from personal experience.
the only thing that helped me stop was a combination of my boyfriend begging me to get help and to stop and anti depressants.
get your friend to a GP, and maybe suggest counselling