Smacking your children in public

flowerpotfrog

Sorry if this has been posted before, but i see no record of it...

It isn't uncommon to see a slight irate mother give her slightly unruly child a smack or two (a light slap) in the middle of a busy street in dublin (probaly everywhere else too). I think smacking the child in the first place, is a rather contraversial issue, but those of you who do it, do you do it in public?

Nevyn

There has be threads on smacking.
If you want to discuss the issue that is fine but do becarefull .

flowerpotfrog

Careful?

Prior Of Taize

i guess what the mod means is its a personal thing for some people and they might get offended if other people take issue with something that they do. also because its their child its a whole different kettle of twigs.

flowerpotfrog

sorry, that was rather short sighted on my part. well if anyone has something to say they'll say it. but i won't hold my breath.

Jesus Trash Can

No. Put yourself in the child's position. It's just too humiliating. It may make you feel better (briefly) but it is very much the nuclear option. I don't believe a light smack in itself is wrong (que tide of protests!), but it shouldn't be an automatic response to misbehaviour, and very often it's the parent who comes out of it feeling worse anyway.
PS. I'm not a horrible person. So spare me any howls of indignation. (Thanks!)

Sleipnir

I had a very amusing incident regarding smacking last week actually.

I was in dundrum shopping centre and there was a bit a creamy-cracker mum there with her friend and a small child (about 4) in the buggy. The kid was crying and generally giving out.
WHACK! The mother gave the kid a clattering and my son (2 and a half) starting

"DAD! SHE SLAPPED THAT BOY!!!!! BOLD GIRL!! SHE'S A BOLD MUMMY ISN'T SHE DAD?"

He couldn't believe his eyes but the mother was just staring at my son. The great thing was she couldn't say anything to me and she sure as hell couldn't say anything to my son either!

Chastized by a two and a half year old.....Couldn't help smiling.

Jesus Trash Can

Sleipnir wrote:

I had a very amusing incident regarding smacking last week actually.

I was in dundrum shopping centre and there was a bit a creamy-cracker mum there with her friend and a small child (about 4) in the buggy. The kid was crying and generally giving out.
WHACK! The mother gave the kid a clattering and my son (2 and a half) starting

"DAD! SHE SLAPPED THAT BOY!!!!! BOLD GIRL!! SHE'S A BOLD MUMMY ISN'T SHE DAD?"

He couldn't believe his eyes but the mother was just staring at my son. The great thing was she couldn't say anything to me and she sure as hell couldn't say anything to my son either!
Chastized by a two and a half year old.....Couldn't help smiling.

That's brilliant! She's probably at home necking a bottle of JD's after that!

luckat

Good work, Sleipnir's Kid!

Slapping your kid in public is like putting up a big sign saying "I'm stupid and can't control my life".

mayhem#

luckat wrote:

Good work, Sleipnir's Kid!

Slapping your kid in public is like putting up a big sign saying "I'm stupid and can't control my life".

Can I ask how many kids you have?

E.

ZENER

How many times have you seen a brat screaming and kicking it's mother and think to yourself: If that little fe**er was mine I'd . . . ! What if the mother or father then proceeded to slap the child, what would you think then without being a hypocrit ?

There are situations like this where I've felt like applauding the parent. I've been on buses where small kids are kicking up a stink and it's obvious that the mother wants to deal with it but is reluctant as she fears the bystanders while they're wishing she would deal with it !

I don't think there's anything so terribly wrong with a light slap just to focus the childs attention on who is in charge, within reason of course - I don't propose that slapping a baby is right but a 3 or 4 y/o upwards yes.

I could go on about how society has ruined childrens respect for adults to the point that children have no respect for their elders anymore . . but I won't !

ZEN

luckat

Mayhem, one kid, now an adult.

Hugh Hefner

I was smacked til I was about 8 (maybe older, maybe younger, can't quite remember, would rather not remember) and it was just the worst thing. I've never forgiven my parents for it and I don't think I ever will. I mean, your hitting a small person for god's sake! And doing it in public is humiliating too! You just end up feeling so violated after a while.

Well I definitely won't be smacking any of my children and certainly not in the street. Perhaps each time a parent smacks a child in public they should also get a light slap in front of everyone.

Wex1

Don't you think you're all being so politicallly correct that you may raise a gen eration of scary beings? So many people swear that they will never do to their children what their parents did to them, now do you all really think your parents were that bad??? I got slapped once in a while when I was a kid and looking back the slaps were definitely not the most traumatic experiences of my childhood. Now I have four kids and they get slapped sometimes, mostly to emhasise a point when I've tried the more politically correct options in vain. But my kids are respectful to both adults and to other kids and are getting the idea about social graces. Slapping is only one part of a parents behaviour management plan! Life with kids tends to be more than a slap in public and the person who presumed the mom who slapped her kid in Dundrum was at home drinking Jack Daniels is just a bit of a snob!!!!

mayhem#

Wex1 wrote:

Don't you think you're all being so politicallly correct that you may raise a gen eration of scary beings? So many people swear that they will never do to their children what their parents did to them, now do you all really think your parents were that bad??? I got slapped once in a while when I was a kid and looking back the slaps were definitely not the most traumatic experiences of my childhood. Now I have four kids and they get slapped sometimes, mostly to emhasise a point when I've tried the more politically correct options in vain. But my kids are respectful to both adults and to other kids and are getting the idea about social graces. Slapping is only one part of a parents behaviour management plan! Life with kids tends to be more than a slap in public and the person who presumed the mom who slapped her kid in Dundrum was at home drinking Jack Daniels is just a bit of a snob!!!!

True....

luckat

I know a family whose culture for the last three generations at least has been completely gentle with children. None of them has been slapped - grandparents, parents, children.

They're the kindest, most normal, most intelligent people I know. They're also stringently ethical without being prissy. Really good people.

Wex1

and I know a family where the children were slapped for a couple of generations and they turned out to be right social problems - all of them, but we can always pick an extreme example. The point i was trying to make that we shouldn't make assumptions based on an incident of slapping alone. Consistency is probably the most important parenting issue, not to slap or not to slap, to allow this that or the other. People are always quick to criticise other people's parenting based on once off incidents. The whole child is what matters! Obviously the familly you're talking about had more going for them than the slap-less element....

luckat

Quite right, Wex. The family was completely child-centred. There were several generations of teachers - gentle teachers, very successful in producing successful students, in an era of slapping and tormenting children; they went against the general "wisdom" of the time and taught using praise and respect.

A typical example - I was at dinner in the house of one of them, and a child of the family, about six years old, wandered into the room where the table had been laid with white linen, silver, crystal and fine china, and looked at the starters had been laid out.

He came out wailing: "That's not the kind of dinner I like!"

The hostess immediately went and put her arms around him. "What sort of dinner do you like?" she asked, and comforted him, and brought him out to show him the dessert he'd have.

Now, in my family, the child would have been admonished for his bad manners, shamed and made to feel awful. But in this child-centred family he was respected and treated with kindness.

It's typical of the way that family behaves with children. They treat children with the same kind of respect they give to adults - allow them their foibles, comfort them in trouble, but encourage kindness and good manners and good results.

They're an extraordinarily successful family in all kinds of ways - every one of them has the manners of a prince; they're generous, supportive, intelligent; they're wonderful people.

Of course they fight like cats over politics, but I've never, in the 25 years I've known them, seen any of the family actually fall out with each other. And I'm talking about oh... perhaps 40 people here.

No, I don't think "not slapping" is the question. The question is the whole attitude that a family takes to children.

This particular family has an attitude of expecting the best of all children, acknowledging success in all kinds of things, including good behaviour. I've seen two generations now grow up from being rowdy brats at times to being charming, balanced, lovely people.

0lordy

Reminds me of the incident a buddy of mine used to recall of a mother wheeling a toddler in a pram down Patrick Street in Cork. The kid was eating an ice cream cone, but the ice cream fell off the cone and right down his tshirt.

The mother stopped the pram, went around and started cleaning up the ice-cream, and remonstrated with the little guy, in her best North Cork accent:

"WHAT ARE YA?"

Kid looks up.

"WHAT ARE YA?"

Kid says:

"I'M A LANGER!"

luckat

Hilarious, even though it's sad, Olordy - I burst out laughing!