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Memories

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  • 12-08-2005 10:46am
    #1
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭


    The pin in my hand,
    Searches for a vein,
    A throbbing emotion,
    trying to find pain.
    And so it begins.

    Jab Jab Jab,
    the pain draws in,
    Memories flood back,
    I lie in pain,
    and all goes black.

    Jab Jab Jab
    I'm five years old,
    Bullied and alone,
    Left out in the cold.

    Jab Jab Jab.
    Fast forward to ten,
    Friends all gone,
    I'm angry again.

    Pain draws me back into existance,
    With each jab it hurts more,
    Then it all goes black again,
    Back to memories sore.

    Jab Jab Jab.
    I'm now just twelve,
    Family member dies, so much pain,
    I don't know can i be,
    that way again.

    Jab Jab jab,
    Present day,
    Unwanted by the world as dirt on a shoe,
    These feelings are normal,
    Theres nothing new.

    Jab Jab jab,
    Don't try to stop me,
    Just go and shut up,
    You can't change me by caring,
    its too late I've made my mind up,
    Jab. Jab. Ja__________________________-


Comments

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    #2
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    christ!


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    #3
    TerrorFirmer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,930 ✭✭✭✭TerrorFirmer


    The end, what I assume to represent the said persons ending of life, is a bit strange....."Ja_____________"....what is that, a flatline? a trail off? :)

    Other then that, good, a miracle compared to your earlier "work"...well done, I am surprised to say it was a rather good read.


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    #4
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    Thanks, i guess. Actually this was one of the earliest poems I wrote, way back in February..a suicide awareness competition...and what do you mean by that Le Rack?


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    #5
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    Its almost as suicidal as some of the stuff I've wrote, nothing on here mind but christ!


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    #6
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    not my feelings..even though my cousin often says I must be subconciously suicidal to write like this..


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    #7
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    to write like that, there has to be some suicidal element not neccessarily ful on I want to kill myself but neh


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    #8
    Custom22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 207 ✭✭Custom22


    Sorry.. but it has to be done. I'm not being personally vindicitve against anyone on here but the similarities are there!

    Clickidy click here


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    #9
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    I am not suicidal...nor do I have that much teenage angst...


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    #10
    ANarcho-Munk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,397 ✭✭✭ANarcho-Munk


    I think you should change the "jab jab jab" to "stab stab stab" because I had originally thought (especially with that first verse) that it had to do with a drug addict.


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    #11
    Custom22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 207 ✭✭Custom22


    lilmissprincess wrote:
    I am not suicidal...nor do I have that much teenage angst...

    No I just meant that it was similarly crap.


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    #12
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    You can do better than that, Custom22. "Crap" is not constructive. Elaborate. If you can't, kindly stop posting and forcing me to read through the extra threads.


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    #13
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    Custom22 wrote:
    No I just meant that it was similarly crap.
    errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............i know i said right to opinion but softening the blow or using another word could help. One word. Thesaurus.


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    #14
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    Don't start the thesaurus speech!


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    #15
    Custom22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 207 ✭✭Custom22


    lilmissprincess wrote:
    One word. Thesaurus.

    The secrets of your poetic technique unfold before me. :rolleyes:

    By "crap" I mean, unpleasing to my taste in poetry.


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    #16
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    You've been warned twice before today about your "criticism".

    Banned for a week.

    PM me when your time's up.


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    #17
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    Hey, thanks Sarky...whats wrong with the thesaurus speech lads?


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    #18
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    cuz its the same one you gave me concerning AA isn't it?


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    #19
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    ok, a lot of things happened last weekend that my mind has been wiped blank of, i don't remember telling you the thesaurus speech, but i do remember the naming of the aa..


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    #20
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    yes well the thesaurus speech was in there too and I believe you said you wanted to give it to loads of people in the creative writing forum


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