think i like best friend

LegacyUser

ok, been best frineds with this guy for about a year
we do everything together, he's just well my best friend
anyway i this afternoon we we just watching tv, and talking, about relationships, life etc and i just realised i like him.
i wanted to be with him so mch, but didnt wanna wreck wat we had so mad an excuse and left.
i don't know waht to do, should i just make a move? or leave it?

Dimitri

i wanted to be with him so mch, but didnt wanna wreck wat we had so mad an excuse and left.

imo thats a myth, its never happened to me and i've been friends with most of my ex's before we started going out and i'm still friends with most of them, in one case much better frinds than we were before. Being friends with someone is the best foundation to a relationship you can get, go for it the only thing you should be worrying about is if he feels the same about you

Best of luck
Gav

BizzyC

Go for it.

KTRIC

You didn't say if you are male or female ?? Do you think this guy will feel the same way ?

Talliesin

If there isn't a particular reason why you shouldn't go for it (i.e. they're in a monogamous relationship, you're a guy and they're straight, you're a girl and they're gay, etc.) then go for it - Life is short.

If there is a reason why you shouldn't then be mindful of that reason. For example, don't get yourself convinced that their partner is a bad match just because it doesn't tie in with your own interests.

If the friendship is open and honest enough that you could talk about how you feel then do.

As I see it the real risk isn't that you might become a couple and then it won't work out - sure that risk is there, but that risk is always there - but that if the feelings aren't reciprocated there would be awkwardness in the friendship after you make a move.

If you go for it and he isn't interested it could take a bit of work from both of you to get over any such awkwardness. If for instance he doesn't seem as comfortable hugging you as before, or is meeting with you less often then give it a week (some initial awkwardness is to be expected and not something to worry about) and then talk about it. Likewise there may be awkwardness on your part (you already made an excuse and left after all). Since the friendship you currently have with him is obviously important to you, don't let whatever way things go damage that if you possibly can. If it isn't going to happen between the two of you then just let those qualities that attract you to him shine and be a positive part of your life and your friendship rather than something you are constantly battling with.

Dizzyblabla

just be careful how you put it, it could cause tension in your relationship if he's not interested. Make sure you are sober when you say it, if you do. Be prepared for him to be very surprised too, he may not know what to say straight away at all... You've already decided how you feel, and when you say it to him, you're asking him how he feels without giving him much time to think about it...
I hope it goes well for you, but just be careful...

chump

use the auld try it on when you're drunk trick

if a success, congrats
if not, sure everything a drunk does is forgiven!

Sleepy

If you're any way attractive, the guy will go for it.

/me awaits link to ladder theory.

jcoote

do the drunk trick thats always a good ice breaker...
but before u do just think that u did only realise it when u guys were talkin about relationships...
so is it a case of u liking him or just liking the idea of bein in a relationship with someone u feel comfortable and have a good friendship with...
u could go out with him and realise it was just a relationship u wanted and not necessarily him...
happened to me a lot a few years ago and its a pain so just kinda be aware of that...

best of luck with it anyway (sorry if i put a downer on it )

Sleepy

On a more serious note. Myself and one of my best friends both had numerous crushes on each other during the first year or two we knew each other. (un?)luckily neither of us ever had one for the other person whilst the other was interested (strange and fcuked up I know). We were one of those couples that everyone thought should get together and the phrase "the greatest romance that never was" was bandied about a bit at the time...

Anyway, during that phase of our friendship we both tried it on with each other on a number of seperate occasions and it never messed our friendship up (possibly because these incidents happened when we were drunk). I think if your friendship is as close as you describe, the worst case scenario is that you'll feel embaressed for a couple of days but you'll get over it. Best case is you get a new boyfriend and know exactly what you're getting (which as we all know, is incredibly rare!).

From experience, this is one of those situations that's easier for women. Us men are more ego-driven than women (speaking in general) and there's nothing more flattering to the ego than someone fancying you, especially when you like that person (even in a platonic way). Women are more likely to feel betrayed and start wondering if the only reason the guy was friends with them was because they wanted to get them into bed. Men don't think that hard about it, we just take the ego-boost and if we feel the same way, we go for it. If we don't, we store it away in that little "feel good memory" part of our brains.

One piece of advise I will give you though: don't broach this as a conversation with your friend. Just wait for a suitable opportunity and kiss him. Talk about it afterwards. Whichever way it goes, it'll be far more natural than trying it the other way.

jcoote

well said sleepy...yeah don't do any awkward conversation just slap the lips on him

Clinical Waste

Do guys actually become best friends with any girl that they dont find attractive on some level? I think not. If he is spending all his time with you, he wants you too.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your advice. Everyone says how perfect we are for each other and people are so shocked when I tell them our relationship has only ever been purly platonic. I'm so worried that it won't work out and put friendship will be ruined cos I value him so much, and if I lost him I don't know what I'd do, and he said the same if we ever stopped being friends.

b3t4

The thing is OP that if the friendship is strong enough it can get past any awkwardness e.t.c.

Friend of mine once told me he loved me. He had spent the previous months, before telling me, agnoising over whether he should or not. (I know this as my other best friends informed me of this after the event)

Anyways, we're still the best of friends and talk about everything. A situation is only what you or the other person makes of it. Seeming as you can't control how he reacts you can certainly do something about how you react.

I had another situation where a housemate fell in love with me. I didn't return his feelings. This situation spiralled into him not talking to me and stuff. So, as I said it's all dependant on the people involved.

So I say, if ye are as good friends as you say you are then this will just make yeer friendship stronger. You probably already know if he likes you or not, anyways.

A.

pigeonbutler

b3t4 wrote:

I had another situation where a housemate fell in love with me.
A.

Are you putting something in the tea of all guys that live with you or something???

Sleepy

pigeonbutler wrote:

Are you putting something in the tea of all guys that live with you or something???

Just making the tea would be a bloody good start in my books!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Sleepy wrote:

Just making the tea would be a bloody good start in my books!

hehehe

OP does he talk about other girls to ya? if he's not too interested in anyone else go for it. and even if he is most guys wouldnt care if the b/f likes them. will piss you off forever if ya dont go for it

Beau

Clinical Waste wrote:

Do guys actually become best friends with any girl that they dont find attractive on some level? I think not.

I agree! like I would`nt bother trying to be friends with a girl who I did`nt find attractive, I just would`nt be intrested.

However I have a best friend who is a girl and I definatley would`nt go near her! We just ended up really good friends all of a sudden but their was never anything sexual about it. I think this i quite rare though.

DAEDULUS

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/virginia.html

Eoin Madsen

[generic disclaimer]Just my 2 cents, but[/generic disclaimer]

If you're really good friends and comfortable opening up to ech other don't do that injustice by jumping him (ie kissing him out of the blue). Lack of communication is what complicates this kind of situation in my experience.

I don't think you should tell him what you're thinking while drunk - it may seem disingenuous to him, it certainly doesn't show that you're serious, and frankly, your own ability to control the situation and express yourself accurately will be highly impaired. Needless to say, don't try communicating it via sms, email, or in any non-verbal form either. I'd even avoid the phone tbh.

At the same time try not to come out of the blue with it, as it will put him on the spot. Have the conversation again, lead up to it. If you want to cover your escape route you could ask him something vague, like if he's ever thought about the two of you getting together. If he's reluctant to respond (there's lots of reasons why one might be), you could admit that you have. Without actually admitting that you are at the moment. It might just help ease any potential discomfort and keep the conversation hypothetical if he doesn't want the same thing.

Lastly, I would say try and make it an expression of what you want to do, rather than what you feel. Generic words describing feelings (love etc.) are too easily confused, imo. "I want to be with you" is a simple concept with no excess implications, and nothing open to interpretation. The rest can come later.

Eoin Madsen

DAEDULUS wrote:

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/virginia.html

Hehe, funny website.

nobodythere

Just leave it alone, it's not worth it. Let it go, get over it. It will bring more harm than good in most cases.

Beau

feck all that ****e about talking about it! seriosuly. Flirt with him and see how he responds. Talking about it will only make it more complicated and awkward.

Selik

Clinical Waste wrote:

Do guys actually become best friends with any girl that they dont find attractive on some level? I think not. If he is spending all his time with you, he wants you too.

Oh it's so true...

Selik

Beau wrote:

I agree! like I would`nt bother trying to be friends with a girl who I did`nt find attractive, I just would`nt be intrested.

However I have a best friend who is a girl and I definatley would`nt go near her! We just ended up really good friends all of a sudden but their was never anything sexual about it. I think this i quite rare though.

Wow you managed to completely contradict yourself in the space of three or four sentences!

nobodythere

Actually i'm with giles on this... he wants in your pants. Not that you can't be best friends with a member of the opposite sex without the chemistry.. it's just they'll be treated more of a guy friend whereas if there's a bit of the old sexual tension they'll open up more.

Rule no.1591 of life. If you feel the sexual tension, so do they!

Prior Of Taize

Clinical Waste wrote:

Do guys actually become best friends with any girl that they dont find attractive on some level? I think not. If he is spending all his time with you, he wants you too.

good call.

though many situations like this are generally one unattractive person liking their friend.

you might have a brilliant personality though

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=

a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:

1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
2. Comply



ROFL

Beau

Giles wrote:

Wow you managed to completely contradict yourself in the space of three or four sentences!

Yeh I was aware of that. I just thought it is a very uncommon thing to happen.

LegacyUser

to the OP:
I'm in a similar situation but it's the other way round (I'm male, she female) and as has been said already, if he's not interested it won't affect the friendship one bit as a man won't regard himself as being used like a woman might if a male friend made a move on her.

as for gentle flirting, it won't work, hasn't yet on me anyway (!) cos tbh it's too discrete and I can't be certain of what the intentions are, just get it out in the open, not by talking too much about it either as it could lead to too much red tape later on, just go for it is what I'm saying, I wish my friend would - I think we're both afraid of rejection from the other