Age gap issue

bullock

Just talking to me mates today and he was telling me that he really fancies this girl. Ok your saying whats the problem. Well the problem is he is 24 and she is only 16. The thing about this girl is she is very very flirty with him. I told him to stop the messing but he says no he really likes her and wants to ask her out. I said that he'll only look like a dad bring his daughter out shopping!!!! I got a dead leg for my troubles.

Whats your opinion on this?? Would a girl of 16 see any problem dating a guy of 24! I for one think its strange as she is in 5th class and he has finnished college!!! If she was 19 or 20 and he was like 27/28 I think it wouldn't be too bad but 16 is a little young.

tman

well for a start it's kind of illegal... the age of consent is 17, not 16 in Ireland.
I'm 23 and i wouldn't hesitate to go out with a 17 year old... I don't see what your problem is tbh. it's not like he's 30+

StupidLikeAFox

She is prob in 5th year, not class

And if hes still giving dead legs he sound pretty immature.

@ tman, age of consent is sex

monkeyfudge

I suppose it's not as bad as the 14 and 24 age gap thread that was started earlier today.

As long as he waits until she turns 17 before dropping the hand... there really isn't anything wrong with it... It depends on how old the two of them act that would determine if it they would seem odd as a couple.

Samson

It's not the age gap, it's her youth that is the problem.
The age of consent in this country is 17.

A guy of 24 would surely be expecting any such relationship to have a sexual element?

bullock

Yes I meant 5th year .. not 5th class. Thank you for that correction.

Irishstabber

Its always 'strange' when its an older man. But if it was the other way round we'd all be "ye go for it"
Maybe its cause we have the ****

bullock

She will be 17 in September .... he will be 25 in November though.

qz

I reckon if it's in any way illegal - big no no. Laws are there for a reason. If she was 17 or 18 then that's fine.

My rule of thumb with regards to age gaps is: If they're both happy together why shouldn't they be together, no matter hope big an age gap it is?

Gross Halfwit

The age gap is not a problem but legally she is too young for a sexual relationship. This could cause problems. Furthermore as she is still living at home (I assume) her family would factor into this alot. If it was my daughter I'd freak out if some 20 something guy came round to take out my little girl. You know? Its a little seedy.

OLDYELLAR

well shes 17 in September like so its not like she just turned 16 , Leave em at it its not even that big a gap my sis was 17 when she started with her 23 yr old bf and their getting married pretty soon and this is 6 years later .

claireoby

I met a 25 year old guy earlier this year, when i was 17, he was a brother of guy a friend liked.I really liked him and he really liked me. I saw no problem in starting something but he was worried about the age gap. I was with him, but a few days later, and after gettin slagged off by all his friends he decided that it was too hard to continue, even though he wanted to. My friends slagged me off too, they even call him the "paedophile" when we see him out which really hurts me.

My advice, as I look back, I'm happy it happened. I know the girl is 16 but she turns 17 very soon, so if your mate can handle the slags that he will get, then I think you should let him go for it.

Le Rack

I went out kinda (it was purely physical) with a 26 year old when I was fourteen, parents found out and freaked, got the cops involved....
But when I was 16/17 I went out with a 21 year old, mam found out got kinda mad cuz of his rep. age wasn't a huge deal but she did say he was too old...
If this guy really likes her, he'll respect her and only do what she wants to do for fear of losing her, or at least that's what I found...
Age of consent really has nothing ot do with it when you boil it down, if someone wants to do it they will, if not then maybe they won't, after the 26yr old incident my parents told me they'd be happy with me being in a sound sexual relationship, they gave me the "its natural" speech, yeash!

Playboy

tbh I would frown on it if it were my daughter. A 16 year old is still a child and a 24 year old is a man. I think when the girl is maybe 20 + then isnt really a problem when it comes to age.

blahblah06

Le Rack wrote:

I went out kinda (it was purely physical) with a 26 year old when I was fourteen, parents found out and freaked, got the cops involved....

:eek: What did the cops do ?

Le Rack

yeah, the 21yr old keeps asking me out and it just to awkward age wise at the moment it would be different though if I were 22 and he 26like so yeah, it is slightly wrong I suppose...

snorlax

i once went out with someone 6 years older then me (i was 19), mind you it didnt really seem like that big an age gap at the time as the person seemed a lot younger then they wer'e, eg looks and personality etc.
i don't really see that much of a problem with it, but early to mid teens when you don't have as much life experience, it might be harder to make such a decison on the suitablity of your partner/ boyfriend.

Le Rack

tracked him... stuff... not one of my favourite topics to be honest...

TerrorFirmer

I went out kinda (it was purely physical) with a 26 year old when I was fourteen, parents found out and freaked, got the cops involved....

If you are that stupid in the first place, you are just asking for trouble straight up

tman

ColHol wrote:

@ tman, age of consent is sex

dude... do you honestly think the 24 year old has anything else on his mind?
i know i don't

OLDYELLAR

tman wrote:

dude... do you honestly think the 24 year old has anything else on his mind?
i know i don't

you mean the stimulating conversation wouldnt swing it for ya?

Space Coyote

The "written rule" for a guy anyway is that it's ok to have a relationship (forget about sex) with a girl if she is at least (half guy's age + 7)...if the guy is an odd age, then half his age, add 1/2 & then add 7.

@ bullock, IF they really like each other and he has the decency to bide his time before letting the relationship become sexual, even if she wants to go for it now, then it seems ok to me. Can he handle the inevitable "cradle snatcher" slagging from his mates and can they convince their parents that it's a workable relationship based on mutual feelings? That's what it depends on really. Good luck to them.

I'm 29 and I'm seeing a 21 (nearly 22) year old and there are no problems whatsoever. {(29 / 2) + 1/2} = 15 + 7 = 22...so I'm not breaking the rule

kittenkiller

I went out with a really nice guy who was nearly 25 when i was 16.
At the time i thought it was grand, we got on well & hung round in the same circles for a while.
Nothing overtly sexual happened as i felt i wasn't ready & he never pushed the matter.

Looking back on things now though (at 23 myself) i think it was a bit dodgy!
As nice a guy as he was i'm just left thinking 'How come he didn't just get a girl his own age?'

TerrorFirmer

I was at a friends house recently, at a party. My girlfriend came with me, as did my younger sister and my friends mother goes "Oh lovely, your sister brought a friend!"

Kinda embarassing.

pwd

It probably isn't a good idea. Can't really see them having a balanced relationship. Can't see them wanting the same things in the relationship. Can see a lot of potential for problems with communication; they are going to have very different outlooks.
Socialising will be weird because he probably won't want to hang around a bunch of 16 year olds, and she won't really fit in with a bunch of 24 year-olds.

I'm imagining a scene like in trainspotting the first time he sees her in school uniform.

His attitude seems a little odd. I liked a 16 year old when I was 19, and waited three years to do anything about it. Even when I did, the age gap caused problems.
I would have thought the normal thing to do in that situation would be to wait.

From your point of view I would stay out of it if he really is serious about her. You risk losing your friend otherwise, and he is very unlikely to listen to any advice.

blahblah06

Le Rack wrote:

tracked him... stuff... not one of my favourite topics to be honest...

And did he get away with it or what

ven0m

bullock wrote:

Just talking to me mates today and he was telling me that he really fancies this girl. Ok your saying whats the problem. Well the problem is he is 24 and she is only 16. The thing about this girl is she is very very flirty with him. I told him to stop the messing but he says no he really likes her and wants to ask her out. I said that he'll only look like a dad bring his daughter out shopping!!!! I got a dead leg for my troubles.

Whats your opinion on this?? Would a girl of 16 see any problem dating a guy of 24! I for one think its strange as she is in 5th class and he has finnished college!!! If she was 19 or 20 and he was like 27/28 I think it wouldn't be too bad but 16 is a little young.

that is WAAAAAY too wierd man....... if I found some 24yr old dude messin with my 16yr old sister he wouldn't live to see another tomorrow....


::: ven0mous :::

toiletduck

Space Coyote wrote:

The "written rule" for a guy anyway is that it's ok to have a relationship (forget about sex) with a girl if she is at least (half guy's age + 7)...if the guy is an odd age, then half his age, add 1/2 & then add 7.

yeay! im within the rule (girlfriend is 17 and im 20).

cornbb

kittenkiller wrote:

Looking back on things now though (at 23 myself) i think it was a bit dodgy!
As nice a guy as he was i'm just left thinking 'How come he didn't just get a girl his own age?'

It sounds kind of evil but men are naturally attracted to younger women. Society says no but our genes say yes!

Mr. CooL ICE

When i was 16 i was going out with a 13 year old (which wasnt within the rule), but when i turned 17, i started going out with a 21 year old, which was well within the rule.

But the rule isnt consistent. If a guy is 12, he must go out with an older girl!

shellby

when i was 17 i started seeing a 31 year old we we're together for 2 yrs and he had 4 children.

to begin i taught that age and the children weren't a problem but man was i wrong the entire relationship was a disaster.

he had had a rough time with womwn so taught very little of them i know that might seem irrelevant but a 16/17 yr old isn't going to have a past in terms of relationships and won't know how to react to a partner who does

being able to communicate your experiences is vital in a relationship but at 17 there are things u just don't understand and at 31 there are things you expect your partner to

maturity levels are bound to be different @ 16 your worried about our saturday job and havin enough money to go out on sat night and weather or not you'll got in on your mates id

at 24 when your finished college you worry about making bills paying rent maybe buying a place etc etc

i'm not disputing the fact that there are some relationships in which there is an age gap do work very well but more often then not they can end terribly, forcing somene to grow up to soon not giving them a chance to accumilate their own experiences

NeMiSiS

I went out with a thirty year old when i was fifteen... was bizzare.. but great fun. She taught me everything I know.. Dumped me when she caught me with a ninteen year old..
TK

Pigman II

bullock wrote:

Just talking to me mates today and he was telling me...

Oh really?

Anyway I don't think the chronological age is the vital factor.
I think it should depend on their respective levels of maturity. I mean does this guy go on like a teenager or she act like she's 25?

That said tho don't you think think 'your friend' should look for something a bit more 'vintage' and sophisticated at his time in life? Personally tho I'd feel like a bit of a pervert (not to mention bored) chasing schoolgirls whilst in my 20s. Besides, I'm planning to leave that stage of innappropriate enjoyment until I hit my 40s.

LadyJ

Hmm.....It's a toughie......
I dunno,personally,if I saw a 25 year old with a 16 year old I'd be a little concerned. However,it really is a question of maturity at the end of the day. It will cause both of them a great deal of frustration if their levels of maturity are completely different. Plus it'll be cinema dates until she's old enough to go to the pub!

I would be a bit worried about the girl losing part of her youth while the guy clings on to his. She'd be thrown into an adult world while he stays in Nerverland. 16 is really very young and even if she were 18 it would be ok but a couple of years can make all the difference.

However,I don't know these people so it really is the maturity card I'm playing here.

shellby

LadyJ wrote:

I would be a bit worried about the girl losing part of her youth while the guy clings on to his. She'd be thrown into an adult world while he stays in Nerverland. 16 is really very young and even if she were 18 it would be ok but a couple of years can make all the difference.

i fully agree with this statement
sometimes its more a question of exprience than maturity

Mina Loy

shellby wrote:

when i was 17 i started seeing a 31 year old we we're together for 2 yrs and he had 4 children.

to begin i taught that age and the children weren't a problem but man was i wrong the entire relationship was a disaster.

he had had a rough time with womwn so taught very little of them i know that might seem irrelevant but a 16/17 yr old isn't going to have a past in terms of relationships and won't know how to react to a partner who does

being able to communicate your experiences is vital in a relationship but at 17 there are things u just don't understand and at 31 there are things you expect your partner to

maturity levels are bound to be different @ 16 your worried about our saturday job and havin enough money to go out on sat night and weather or not you'll got in on your mates id

at 24 when your finished college you worry about making bills paying rent maybe buying a place etc etc

i'm not disputing the fact that there are some relationships in which there is an age gap do work very well but more often then not they can end terribly, forcing somene to grow up to soon not giving them a chance to accumilate their own experiences

same here ( minus the kid's equation ), i agree..but IMO any man over 30 who goes out with someone half his age if they're under 18 is just out for one thing.. made the same mistake again aswell a fe w months later.. but i've learned..

man 2004 was a sucky year

don't do it kids!

BaZmO*

Le Rack wrote:

Age of consent really has nothing ot do with it when you boil it down, if someone wants to do it they will, if not then maybe they won't

That's a very immature thing to say, especially considering the situation that you've been in before. Age of consent has everything to do with it.
If the girl is underage and he has sex with her, even consentual sex, he is still after having sex with a minor. Statutory rape in the eyes of the law.

B.

airetam_storm

Not really, think of how many people having sex under 17. The law is powerless unless she calls rape

c - 13

Only a small age gap in my case, im 21 she's 18 (19 in a few months), the two of us get on great, things couldnt be better in fact.
The only thing that bothered me a little when i started going out with her is the fact that i'm older than her two older brothers, dont know why it bothered me TBH .... ah well ....

BaZmO*

airetam_storm wrote:

Not really, think of how many people having sex under 17. The law is powerless unless she calls rape

Of course there are plenty of teenagers out there having sex, but the point I was making is that if an "Adult" has sex with someone under the age of consent it is considered Statutory Rape. She doesn't have to "call rape" for it to be a crime.

B.

Le Rack

BaZmO* wrote:

Of course there are plenty of teenagers out there having sex, but the point I was making is that if an "Adult" has sex with someone under the age of consent it is considered Statutory Rape. She doesn't have to "call rape" for it to be a crime.

B.

yeah I'm fully aware of it, you know my past situation, I was willing to stand up for that guy in court if it got there but it didn't, but I know a girl about 13/14 and I know for a fact she's been having sex for quite a while and I know rakes of people underage who are having sex. With something like that the law doesn't enter your mind, your not there with someone, thinking "Oh is this against the law? Ooh yes it is, then I should stop" You do what you want to do, it may be rape in the eyes of the law but in your eyes its a good time, or showing your love for your partner. And regardless, of "crying rape" its in most cases only the parents that will make a big deal out of it. As I said my parents told me they'd be happy for me to be in a sexual relationship at 15 and this is coming from the people who stopped me going out with a 20/21 year old when I'm 17/18.

BEAT

well it wouldnt be the first time its happened but Id still say to tell your friend he is a sick bastard and to find someone his own age to corrupt. She doesnt really know what she wants, ofcourse she is flirty, she is a raging ball of hormones!
if he doesnt take the hint then kick him in the balls a few times, maybe then it will start to sink in. :rolleyes: if you cant do it gimme his address and I will be glad to go over and kick the **** out of him for ya.

BaZmO*

I take on board most of what you've said, but again the thing I'm getting at is, and this is relevant to the OP, is that the responsibilty in this matter lies with the adult and in this case it's his friend.

I'm not judging anybody or telling anybody what to do. I'm just pointing out that he needs to be aware of the possible implications if he does do anything before she reaches 17.

B.

airetam_storm

BaZmO* wrote:

I'm not judging anybody or telling anybody what to do. I'm just pointing out that he needs to be aware of the possible implications if he does do anything before she reaches 17.

I really cant see any negative 'possible implications'. If she consents, whos gonna stop them?

LadyJ

airetam_storm wrote:

I really cant see any negative 'possible implications'. If she consents, whos gonna stop them?

I don't think you understand statutory rape at all.
It doesn't matter if an underage person consents or not,it's still seen as a criminal act. If her parents found out and took their case to the authorities then the guy could be locked up. Get it?

DawnMc

Its not right. Simple as that. I'm 21 and work with teenagers and 16 is a CHILD

airetam_storm

But woulnt the only person able to get him arrested be the 16yo? And shes not gonna do that

LadyJ

airetam_storm wrote:

But woulnt the only person able to get him arrested be the 16yo? And shes not gonna do that

No,she's a minor. Her parents can do it.

airetam_storm

Bah, well thats the problem then, should be her chioce

LadyJ

Well it isn't.

Le Rack

in the eyes of the law as she's a minor if she had sex with yer man and consented to it its still rape, and her parents can have him locked up or at the least he'll have a record as a paedophile, trust me I know.