Friends new b/f horrible

Blondie86Star

My friend (one of my best) is going out with this guy. He is a prick, who treats all his gfs like crap. I know this cos ,my bro used to work with him, he is such a player, on the times they socialised he would always be with someone, bring her home etc, even when he had a girlf.
My other friends n i met him last week, decided to give hin the benefit of the doubt etc, and he tried it on with everyone of us.
My friend is smitten with him, shes got her heart broken in the past and he WILL do it to her again. hes 6 yrs older than her, more 'experienced n stuff.
how can we protect her before she gets hurt?
Advice anyone?

DAEDULUS

Girls are like that..they like challenges,they hear a guy is a player and the attractive girls all want to know what the fuss is about and more importantly,if they can change him!
Not really much you can do,if this guy actually is a player he'll show her in a week or two

TinCool

Well she's going to get hurt anyway so why not be up front with her and tell her how you feel and the stories that your brother told you about him. She may hate you for it for a couple of weeks but I'm sure she'll see the rights side of it.

vibrant

Blondie86Star wrote:

My other friends n i met him last week, decided to give hin the benefit of the doubt etc, and he tried it on with everyone of us.

What a creep! The mysteries of the male ego, eh?! Anyway, you all need to sit down together and tell her this. It will be difficult and she may not believe you at first... but that's too big a thing not to mention.

simu

Blondie86Star wrote:

how can we protect her before she gets hurt?
Advice anyone?

Sometimes people have to get hurt - and possibly hurt more than once - before they learn and your friend may not take kindly to you interfering. As long as the boyfriend isn't trying to infect her with HIV/get her to join a cult/some other drastic thing, what does it matter if she ends up going out with a creep for a few weeks? (It doesn't sound as if their relationship will last long from your description of the guy).

Pigman II

Best thing you can do is just let him do whatever it is he's 'gonna' do to her. If you interfere you'll just end up looking like the prick and she'll have lost a valuable life experience/lesson.

scojones

The best thing you can do is sit down with her and talk to her about it. You are her friend, and she will listen to you eventually. If you just say to her really calmly exactly what you have told us, that you don't want to see her get hurt again,and that you are just watching out for her.

I was in the exact same situation as you are a few years ago, one of my friends was going with this girl, who was a player too. Whenever he would get up from the table in the pub, to go to the jacks or whatever, she would try it on with all of us. It sickend all of us, so I sat down with him the day after and told him all about it. I got him to go to the pub with me and I got the rest of our mates to come along too and we all told him what was going on, and that we were just watching out for him.

He dumped her a few days later and found himself a really nice girl.

cuckoo

It's a tricky one - if she's infatuated with him she won't listen to work you say (in her head she'll be thinking 'oh, she's just jealous', etc, etc) or, like other posters have said she may view him as a challenge, that he may not have been faithful to other people but it'll all be different with her.

I'd suggest remaining quiet about it for now, be neutral about him - don't tell her what she'll be wanting to hear ('oh, you two are so great together'), but be careful about saying bad things about him. If you did say to her 'he tried it on with all of us', she may go back to him and he'll twist it into 'i was just being friendly to your friends', and she could end up alienated from all of you.

Sit tight for now, be her friend and be prepared to maybe have to pick up the pieces if things go horribly wrong. She's not marrying the guy, or moving in - they've just started going out.

Sadly it's often the messenger that gets shot in these situations. In a month or two, if they're still together, then you and a few other friends should maybe then reassess the state of play, and talk to her as a group.

Blondie86Star

They've been going out for about a month or so. Its just hard to sit by when someone you care about is making such a big mistake. What if I got my bro to talk her?

Chinafoot

As hard as it is, you should really say nothing. You may think you'll be doing her a favour if you tell her he's a scumbag but she certainly wont thank you for it.

Its her mistake to make, and like the others have pointed out....just try to be there if it all goes pear-shaped.

However, if you have 100% solid evidence that he has cheated on her or something then, if it was me, I probably would say something. But if not, its not your place to say.

TheIceMaker

How old is she?

If you're brother is 'older and wiser' she might listen n respect him

Blondie86Star

She's 20, its not like she's a kid

My brothers 28, he warned me to tell her to stay away from him.

He's like a brother to her too

Chinafoot

Like you say, she's not a kid and therefore its up to her who she goes out with.

If shes smitten with this guy then chances are nothing you say will make her change her mind. He probably treats her like a princess and as such she's not going to be in any rush to dump him just because her mates don't like him.

And besides, who is to say that he hasnt changed? (It is possible)

Red Alert

yes sit tight and play the waiting game. she may be smitten with him even if he's an asshole - unless he's cheating or harming her etc there's no need to get involved at all.

0utshined

peachypants wrote:

And besides, who is to say that he hasnt changed? (It is possible)

Blondie86Star wrote:

My other friends n i met him last week, decided to give hin the benefit of the doubt etc, and he tried it on with everyone of us.

OP,

I think you should tell your friend that and that you don't want to be around him. If all her friends start to do that she should start to realise the truth of it. You can't make her break up with him but you can remove yourself from the situation.

Laguna

DAEDULUS wrote:

Girls are like that..they like challenges,they hear a guy is a player and the attractive girls all want to know what the fuss is about and more importantly,if they can change him!

Too right man, girls want to change him into the nice guy. Well coming from a man, it won't happen, we men recognise the men who are "The Prick" and can spot him a mile off, they usually give off a sleazy scent, ck one. I'd personally let your friend on with him, she's a grown woman, she'll learn he's an asshole one way or another, it'sher own fault if she chooses not to see the way he is and she'll be inevitably be let down by him.

Chinafoot

Could have been a bit of harmless flirting. These girls are obviously on the immediate defensive around this bloke because they think he's bad news. It can be easy to take things up the wrong way.

Anyway, at the end of the day its up to the OP's friend as to who she goes out with. Fair enough, he doesn't sound like the nicest person in the world but there's been many a relationship ruined by interfering friends who only go by hearsay.

Let her decide for herself.

Laguna

Not to be nasty to the OP (being her friend fair enough), but do you really care who she goes out with? does the guy have to pass your 'test' or something?

DAEDULUS

They are women,there are always cockblocks their to defend the hot bird of the gang from THE EVIL MEN...ruined my chances many a time,but I've found out how to dodge them now