Bitter Sweet

LegacyUser

I'm currently in a relationship with someone I love. I have never loved before and never expected to, and probably never will again. Whilst I've been in this relationship I have never cried as much as I have in my entire life. Never over anything really serious, but for some reason the love of my life has a unique abilty to reduce me to a 3 year old child who has just fell and cut their knee. I really love this person though. Without the upsets everything is perfect. I'm just curious to know is there anyone else out there who has been in a realationship like this and are you still in the relationship?

WhiteWashMan

you will love again.

why do you cry?

why are you with someone if you are unhappy?

at least give people some detqails to work from.
ive been in many different relationships.
some have been love, others have been about sex, others have been out of loneliness.

Santa Claus

The question I think you need to ask yourself now is does your partner love you ????

From your brief descritpion, it's hard to say but I'd guess not.

zenith

To be fair, now, there are periods of adjustment in every relationship, and there's nothing to upset you like fighting with the one you love. Some of my worst rows, and best making-up, has been with my girlfriend, who is now my wife, and the mother of my childeren. And, over time, you understand each other better.

To say that the one you love can never make you cry is hopelessly idealistic, IMHO.

If you love them, and you know that they love you - honestly, properly, with no 'they beat me, but love me' excuses - then the disagreements are a good thing.

Beruthiel

you will love again

also
if your partner is reducing you to a 3 year old, perhaps it's because you have low self esteem and are allowing them to do this?
also, as wwm said, if you are crying all the time then how can your relationship be a good one?
I would never stay with someone unless I was happy with them, neither should you and if you are thinking it's because you will never love again, well, that's rubbish.
Have respect for yourself

LegacyUser

90% of the time its pure love. 10% of the time its pure stress. Sometimes the other person makes me feel like I've done something wrong, like really hurt them. I don't like feeling that way cause I love them. It hurts me that they think I would do something bad to them. Generally I have done nothing and its just bad humour with the other person that is turned on me or something small blown out of proportion.

Thats irrelevent really. My question is : have you been in a relationship that was bitter sweet? extreme good and extreme bad? did you stay in it?

Kell

setUp wrote:

but for some reason the love of my life has a unique abilty to reduce me to a 3 year old child who has just fell and cut their knee. I really love this person though. Without the upsets everything is perfect.

How does he/she reduce you to tears and is it deliberate. UNless he/she does it deliberately, it strikes me that you NEED him/her in your life to fill a gap that you cant fill on your own.

If you NEED someone in your life to complete yourself as a person you make it very easy for them to upset you as you may be relying on them to be the one and only to make sure that you dont get upset. If he/she does something very small the action has a capacity to really wound you as opposed to someone else who isnt relying on said person to be their shelter.

Reads in a roundabout way, but I hope you get it. If he/she does it deliberately, GTFDTFR* pronto and find someone nice to help you rebuild your self respect without requesting that they be a crutch.

K-

*GetTheFúckDownTheFúckingRoad

LegacyUser

they make me upset by example, we can't meet because I have to do something, or I'm late. 'you don't love me, you hate me, why do you do this to me?' I respond with a hug and reassurance to the cold shoulder I'm greeted with. We have agreed this is bad and is being worked on, but it just keeps happening and when I can't break the ice I end up crying. Crap responce but it just upsets me.

king_of_inismac

If its reducing you to that, then no you shouldn't stay in that relationship.

Do you think thats what being in a relationship should feel like? I doubt it...

You WILL find someone else. You WILL fall in love again.

It will be difficult to leave that person, because I'm sure you love them BUT Love just isn't always enough for a relationship to work...

All the best,
Martin

djblueice

Life takes turn when you least expect it, but life will go on, just remember tomarrow wasnt promised..

DawnMc

I hear you. Extreme bad and extreme good in a relationship do not work. My thoughts are you're staying in the relationship as you're afraid of being unable to find anyone else.

LegacyUser

I know I'll not find anyone like him

no more tears would be nice though. No one is worth my tears.

simu

setUp wrote:

Thats irrelevent really. My question is : have you been in a relationship that was bitter sweet? extreme good and extreme bad? did you stay in it?

I have been but the bad 10% got so head-wrecking it took over everything else. So, I broke it off (wasn't easy at the time, though). I have since had far better relationships with others.

Femelade

DawnMc wrote:

I hear you. Extreme bad and extreme good in a relationship do not work. My thoughts are you're staying in the relationship as you're afraid of being unable to find anyone else.

i agree, i was in a relationship like that, cried for most of it because i was made feel like i was always in the wrong, i loved him so much even though i knew that was i was being treated was wrong. my best advice to you would be to get out of the relationship and u'll see that the grass is much greener on the other side and you will love again, wit someone who will treat you withthe respect you deserve.

good luck.

Skip

setUp wrote:

I know I'll not find anyone like him

no more tears would be nice though. No one is worth my tears.

I can completely understand this feeling, bahh, these people do not know anything about love :rolleyes: You just can't approach it with rationality, even if your decisions are rational in the end. Which then makes you feel bad too, so what's the point?

Sometimes I feel only a loved one can make you really cry. Sometimes I cried because I felt love and it was just too much to contain. And it's just pure feeling, nothing to do with anything bad, like bad circumstances, presence/absence, possibilities or the lack of them, something the other has just said that hurts you, etc. It's just something you cannot measure.

Kell

setUp wrote:

'you don't love me, you hate me, why do you do this to me?' I respond with a hug and reassurance to the cold shoulder I'm greeted with.

Surprised I didnt see this bit. Sorry to be blunt love, but your BF sounds emotionally retarded. From what you write, he seems to blame the smallest of things on you and when you try and alleviate the situation, he gives you the cold shoulder? Fúck him. Next time he does that, walk away, permanently if possible.

Sorry about the accusation about your own insecurities earlier, seems like HE is the one with the insecurities and should be dumped to save your sanity ASAP. Think about it - any normal sane person that you are late for goes "hey, what the fúck, thats life, now come here and shag me".

Prepare yourself mentally for the break up. It is coming, you just have to decide when. By the sounds of it the sooner the better. Simple thought - would you poke yourself in the eye with a needle knowing it would cause you pain? No. Yet you choose to stay in this relationship? Dump the guy and move on with your life. And yes, (chorus the other posters) you will love again.

BTW - how long are you going out and what are the ages involved?

K-

WhiteWashMan

i agree with kell.
i would say your partner has a lot of maturing to do. at the moment, this sort of behaviour is all down to not understanding their own feelings and becoming frustrated.

im sure we have all been there at one stage or another. some of us stay their longer. i know i did.

i wouldnt bet on it changing any time soon, and to be honest, if you are in a relationship where you are not happy 10% of the time, i wouldnt stay in it. yes i have been in one. in fact a nuimber of times, and i wouldnt do it again. its not the end of the world. in fact you will probably look back after a few weeks and ask yourself what you say in this person at all.

just have a bit of self confidence to realise that you will get another partner, you will love again, and you dont need to be in a relationship to feel validated, but because you want to enjoy the company of another person, who is going to be special and right for you.

most importantly, do what makes you happy. whatever that is, do it.

Beruthiel

setUp wrote:

'you don't love me, you hate me, why do you do this to me?'

Passive aggressive people are a pain in the ass and infuriating in the extreme, most of the time they don’t even know that they are being passively aggressive.
S/he won’t change without a wake up call.
Leaving them to their own devices and moving on with your own life will perhaps make them think about their actions, or not.
Either way, you don’t have to put up with sh!te like that.

LegacyUser

Surprised I didnt see this bit.

sorry, time delay with posting anom

I think we have come to a solution. We are postponing living together, just to make sure it doesn't happen again. He is going to see a counseller, and I have set the ground work in my own head not to let it happen again.

Thank you for your responces.

Kell

setUp wrote:

We are postponing living together,

Wise move.

setUp wrote:

He is going to see a counseller, and I have set the ground work in my own head not to let it happen again.

Quick question. What happens when it does? Have you laid out the rules for him that if it does then its adios amigo?

Seriously - dont keep doing this to yourself. Your self esteem will hit such a low if you keep letting it happen, that you will end up in counselling. And remember, ultimately you let this happen. Be sure and take control of your life and put yourself first. How long have you been together again?

K-

LegacyUser

happens again, thats it no more. Thinking about it is really putting me off the realationship, I'm beginning to see him in a different light, I'm really beginning to doubt the whole thing in general.

7 months.

Kell

setUp wrote:

7 months.

Again, sorry to be brutal but honest advice is to cut your losses now and get yourself some head space. 7 months isnt very long at all and while you had (and are losing) a lot of feelings for the guy getting out now will only save you getting in too far and losing yourself in someone elses problems.

Theres a lot of really top* blokes* out there that will treat you right and there is no point in wasting your time and hurting yourself with those who dont.

K-

like* me*

LegacyUser

I really could do with some head space.

Thanks for the advice. It has been very helpful.

shakaman

troll imo

LegacyUser

shakaman wrote:

troll imo

I'm not even going to ask where you are getting that idea from

Chinafoot

My nana always used to say:
"The only man worth your tears is the one who'll never make you cry"

She was a wise old thing, my nana

RopeDrink

Never forget, as selfish as it sounds, that regardless of how much you love someone, you are the most important person to think about. If you are not happy within yourself in your present situation, then you should greatly consider getting out of it... pronto.

I have never been in a relationship like this, but I certainly wouldn't allow myself to be in one, either. Take a step back and think of/for yourself.