Let us all

SolarNexus

"

let us all lurch over the edge of the cliff,

let us see the danger it posesses,

let us all fear the danger of falling,

let us all jump for our freedom for fear that we may fall.

"

We're on that cliff edge right now people, WW3 is not far off... not if the powers that be can help it.

BEAT

now that I know you are the author I will leave this bit open and delete all unrelated comments in this thread to keep it open.
The thread will be watched carefully due to its nature.

SolarNexus

just to clear up, by answering your questions directly:

1). my own writing

2). this is not a political forum, so I dont expect it to stir up such debate as politics and creativity often cancel themselves out.

BEAT

The piece is political in its nature, while I never said it couldnt be I did say it tends to stir up the trolls. Threads have had to be locked in the past because people get out of hand with thier comments.
I am here to make sure that doesnt happen which is why I asked the questions I asked.

The thread will be watched closely as I said before. Anymore off topic rants or insults will result in banning.

randomhuman

Well, I like it, although I think the last line is too long. Maybe "for our freedom" could be taken out, although you might lose the meaning if you did that...

Incidentally, I think politics is a great subject for creative writing.

McFiddler

I totally disagree with you're approach, however I do agree that the post was extremely unclear as to who the author of the piece is and perhaps it should be edited by the author.

Solar Nexus, is this a quote from one of you're poems or is it complete as it stands? I ask only because you have it in quotes. I think it's very good and quite appropriate in describing the times we live in and I do not agree that it belongs in the political forum. But that's just my opinion and I'm a very very small man

*comments edited to keep thread open*

Fysh

a) I find my reaction to the initial piece to be distinctly "meh". Nice try, try harder.

b) The allegedly political nature of it makes Zach de la Rocha's lyrics read like Tocqueville. If you want me to care about the allegedly political slant of your writing, make it interesting. Otherwise it's just another person ranting about Teh END OF TEH WORLD OMG!!!!one!

c) Anyone who cares to can read the forum's history and see Latin Beat's contribution. I'm not that regular a poster here, but I'm damn sure she's done far more for the forum than Solar Nexus or McFiddler. Draw your own conclusions, but given the choice between active & decent mod or an allegedly "political" poster doing the equivalent of throwing his toys out of the pram, I know which way I'll jump.

SolarNexus

I've said my bit on censorship, so I'll try to avoid starting a flame war about something that has already been raised.

To answer some outstanding questions/comments:

>Well, I like it, although I think the last line is too long. Maybe "for our freedom" could be taken out, although you might lose the meaning if you did that...

It does seem to loose track of the rythm, but honestly, it loses the background - the meaning somewhat, though not totally I must admit, if you were to take that out.

>I totally disagree with you're approach, however I do agree that the post was extremely unclear as to who the author of the piece is and perhaps it should be edited by the author.

Okay, I'll accept my dues there - unfortunatly the edit period has expired and I can do nothing to change that. I can only offer the fact that I was struck with the idea to post and had not really thought it out to some great length.

>Solar Nexus, is this a quote from one of you're poems or is it complete as it stands?

Complete as stands, though whether that is a good thing or not, is something altogether different.

>b) The allegedly political nature of it makes Zach de la Rocha's lyrics read like Tocqueville. If you want me to care about the allegedly political slant of your writing, make it interesting. Otherwise it's just another person ranting about Teh END OF TEH WORLD OMG!!!!one!

Let me remind you of something, I'm not here to entertain you. The idea that a view point is not yet valid until it is either palatable or entertaining is wholly at the core of the arguement.

As for end of the world, let me say this: I did not say it was the end of the world, I suggested we are on the verge of the next world war - whether you consider that thought alone to suggest the end of the world is up to you. Moreover, I would have thought that the mere idea that the recent 'climate' would suggest to most, if not all, that at the very least, we are entering a new centry of imperialism - that alone is scary enough to worry about.

Fysh

SolarNexus wrote:

Let me remind you of something, I'm not here to entertain you. The idea that a view point is not yet valid until it is either palatable or entertaining is wholly at the core of the arguement.

Your point of view's validity is one thing. I'm not commenting on it explicitly because you have not presented an extensive explanation or defense of it.

However, the mediocre verse above which supposedly embodies this point of view is entirely another. If you really want to espouse a point of view for its own values, write an essay about it.

In trying to embody it in poetry or prose, you yourself are making an attempt to move over from a political or philosophical discussion to something geared more at entertainment - because a verse espousing a point of view is not aiming to convert someone through reasoned argument, but through compelling imagery. So if the piece does not engage me enough to make me at least consider (never mind agree with) the point of view you are espousing, then it can be said to have failed. As I said before - nice try, but try harder.

Solar Nexus wrote:

As for end of the world, let me say this: I did not say it was the end of the world, I suggested we are on the verge of the next world war - whether you consider that thought alone to suggest the end of the world is up to you. Moreover, I would have thought that the mere idea that the recent 'climate' would suggest to most, if not all, that at the very least, we are entering a new centry of imperialism - that alone is scary enough to worry about.

That's great, although unless you can frame this argument into a format that has something to do with creative expression it's in the wrong place. It's perfectly possible to do so without having to be specific or extensively detailed; the verse "ours is not to question why, ours is but to do and die" is a good example. But the piece has to move people to be succesful as a political verse, and frankly as it stands, what you've posted doesn't move me.

The imagery is too vague, and the rhythm stumbles. Aside from the first line's phrasing, the choice of words isn't particularly inspired. All in all, it has the air of a teenage reactionary claiming to have a deeply considered political perspective (note that I'm not accusing you of this; it's just that this is the impression created by the verse) and, well, *yawn*.

Custom22

I like it. Better than most on here, and memorable too.

randomhuman

SolarNexus wrote:

It does seem to loose track of the rythm, but honestly, it loses the background - the meaning somewhat, though not totally I must admit, if you were to take that out.

I think taking out the 'all' works as well. As in "Let us jump..." Fixes the rythm, and keeps the meaning.

SolarNexus

randomhuman wrote:

I think taking out the 'all' works as well. As in "Let us jump..." Fixes the rythm, and keeps the meaning.

I was thinking the same thing... next time I'll put more thought into spur of the moment meanderings