Funny/gross out stories

TerrorFirmer

I know by the title it appears very childish, but I think a thread with all your cringy and gross out humour stories is the perfect read for our first day back at work after the bank holiday weekend.

Here's 2 of my favourites that make me laugh whenever I recall them.

Working in Supermacs, a family is sitting down eating their food. Father gets up, goes to bathroom. He's in there for ages. As in about 15 minutes. Eventually, he staggers out. He's walking really wierdly. He walks half way out the door and tells his wife and kids "Come on, we have to go." and walks out in a rush....we were quite puzzled, as his face was slightly flushed and he was walking really wierdly...so we go into the bathroom after they've hurridly left, wondering what the deal was. In the toilet lies a great unflushed disgusting mess, and....no toilet paper!!

Another one was when we were about 15, we were at some disco somewhere and this guy goes to my friend "Hey, ask that babe there will she kiss me etc"

So this guy is a real looser, but thinks hes the business, not exactly a looker either. So my friend goes up, asks her, she takes one look and goes no way. no. So my friend comes back, looks at the guy and says she said sure. So the looser goes over, shes giving him this wierd look, and he starts walking towards her, arms half outstretched, eyes closed, leaning towards her. She gives a horrified screech and starts smacking him and going get away you ugly freak! All girls around him are laughing etc.... Everyone starts staring, a big scene is made....etc....I almost cringed just for him.

So anyway, share your funny stories, pranks, whatever it may be...

crazymonkey

dont have any for u, but ur second one is classic, will try it myself if ever in a similiar sitaution,

cheers for the laugh

dogg_r_69

In Killarney one weekend a few years ago, after a few pints went to the toilets Went in the door and there was water on the floor Some one had blocked tha toilets with one hell of a dump (I'm guessing, I refrained from looking) Next thing a fella came Sees the water on the ground Cops what has happened rolls up the shirt Sticks his hand into the toilets and frees it Washes his hand in the basin and goes back out the door I saw him below after sitting at the bar with pint in hand

DawnMc

sweet god thats horrible!

Loobz

Theres a story in Food forum goes a bit like this:

Woman asks for a chicken burger with no mayo. Takes a few bites out of it and notices that they gave her mayo and was furios. Over 24 hours she became violently sick. They did tests on the mayo and it was ooze from a cancer lump that was on the chicken.

PUKE!

Pet

Loobz wrote:

Theres a story in Food forum goes a bit like this:

Woman asks for a chicken burger with no mayo. Takes a few bites out of it and notices that they gave her mayo and was furios. Over 24 hours she became violently sick. They did tests on the mayo and it was ooze from a cancer lump that was on the chicken.

PUKE!

Oh yeah, and Hubba Bubba is made from spider's eggs too.

evad_lhorg

ha yea i remember hearing those stories years agol

weemcd

MobileInfantry wrote:

Another one was when we were about 15, we were at some disco somewhere and this guy goes to my friend "Hey, ask that babe there will she kiss me etc"

So this guy is a real looser, but thinks hes the business, not exactly a looker either. So my friend goes up, asks her, she takes one look and goes no way. no. So my friend comes back, looks at the guy and says she said sure. So the looser goes over, shes giving him this wierd look, and he starts walking towards her, arms half outstretched, eyes closed, leaning towards her. She gives a horrified screech and starts smacking him and going get away you ugly freak! All girls around him are laughing etc.... Everyone starts staring, a big scene is made....etc....I almost cringed just for him.

So anyway, share your funny stories, pranks, whatever it may be...

She sounds like a cúnt, as does your mate.

Loobz

Pet wrote:

Oh yeah, and Hubba Bubba is made from spider's eggs too.

Can you prove that story wrong and prove yours right?