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Locusts

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  • 02-08-2005 11:04am
    #1
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭


    Back again,
    Feeding on the life of me
    Draining my mind of everything but one.
    Themselves.

    Invading my dreams
    Knawing at my core.
    A hot tear trickles down my cheek
    I do not notice it as I sleep.

    I try to wake
    To escape
    Bolt upright
    Still surrounded
    Locusts are the thoughts of you.


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    #2
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    Le Rack wrote:
    Back again,
    Feeding on the life of me
    Draining my mind of everything but one.
    Themselves.

    Invading my dreams
    Knawing at my core.
    A hot tear trickles down my cheek
    I do not notice it as I sleep.

    I try to wake
    To escape
    Bolt upright
    Still surrounded
    Locusts are the thoughts of you.

    wow. rach, thats really really deep. Is this about the same person as usual?


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    #3
    Nidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Nidge


    Le Rack wrote:
    Back again,
    Feeding on the life of me
    Draining my mind of everything but one.
    Themselves.

    There's always this element to your poetry.The line "draining my mind of everything but one" might create a slight element of mystery, but then you tell the reader what the "but one" is: "Themselves". I have seen this countless times in your poetry, it's too simple and it has no place in the poem, it stamps on any possibility of the reader finding a personal meaning for the poem or having to think for themselves.
    Le Rack wrote:
    I try to wake
    To escape
    Bolt upright
    Still surrounded
    Locusts are the thoughts of you.

    Then, to dispel any chance of a person having to think what the significance of the locusts is you just plop it down on the last sentence, again out of place, again adding zero to the poem and telling everybody what the metaphors are meant to be.


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    #4
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    okay, the point of putitng the word "themselves" there was so that there was no specific thought as to what they were, honestly that could mean anything like, my point in the last line is that I'm haunted, terrorised, and infested by the thoughts, like a plague of locusts.


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    #5
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    Not all my stuff is bout him but yes. Yes it is.


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    #6
    airetam_storm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,301 ✭✭✭airetam_storm


    Him? The him?


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    #7
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    no, no, not THAT him, the him after him!


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    #8
    airetam_storm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,301 ✭✭✭airetam_storm


    I dont know that him then :rolleyes:


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    #9
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    the other one I told you about...


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    #10
    ANarcho-Munk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,397 ✭✭✭ANarcho-Munk


    sounds like a conspiracy :p


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    #11
    airetam_storm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,301 ✭✭✭airetam_storm


    Rach, i'l beat him and you bag him... :D


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    #12
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    AAH you called me Rach! Continue, can I not beat him up??? ;)


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    #13
    airetam_storm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,301 ✭✭✭airetam_storm


    I heard someone else call you rach, is it wrong?


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