From Love to Hate just like that.

*Page*

How can it happen so fast. I've been madly in love with this guy for over a year and a half. I've gone through so much with him, for him. And now its insane. We (more him than me) exploded on thursday night.

He told me he had cheated (kissed only but to me thats still cheating) on me when he was away working the other week.
it went from "nothing happened" to "this girl kissed me" to "i went off with this girl and kissed her"

I didnt want to hear anything else. I hate him now. its not the first time that he's lied to me. I doubt it will be the last. I cant understand why i hate him so much and why i feel so numb...

Matthewthebig

Its the whole betrayal. I felt the same when one of my exes cheated on me. Mind you that was 8 times. Whatever you do, do not forgive him as i did. Because once someone starts cheating they won't stop. So as i said, Its the betrayal. Ignore him

*Page*

you see its not the first time and i have forgiven and taken him back.
i've had enough

Matthewthebig

Then seriously dump the asshole. Its not a nice feeling. I found out about most of them after we'd broken up. so dump him and move on.

ShreddedHumans

We've all been there, you have to move on and forget about the bastard.

PowerHouseDan

I wouldnt say Once someone Cheats they always do. In your case he has done it before so i wouldnt take him back. I was With my Present GF 3 Years alot kinda long distance saw each other every weekend or every second, She was going through alot Parents Sep etc she cheated on me. Hated Her didnt talk to her for about 6 Months, Ran into her in my College Then and she texted to say how she messed up and she was sorry etc, We Built up a friendship it took me a year of friendship before i would take her back being a Couple. She is now a Completly Different Person, its easy for me to say considering she is my girlfriend but my parents saying it is a big thing, Basicly what i try to say Once and Cheater doesnt always mean the person will Cheat Again, Her Cheating on me She Lost alot of her Friends, She Suffered Big time for it. Now we have been together For Over a Year and things couldnt be better. I Mean Cheating as she Kissed Someone.

*Page*

i feel like screaming. hteres a lot more than just cheating that has made me hate him... he said somethings that have destroyed me. i'm not with him... i just needed to say something. i can talk to my parents... but none of my mates are around right now... i just need to talk.. i think..

Matthewthebig

Samaritains

PowerHouseDan

Its best to get out if ya can, Bad thing your friends arent around its always good to be around friends at a time like your going through get your mind off things. Its alot easyer to say than do but its time to move on.

DawnMc

You hate him now.
Anger will turn to sadness,
Sadness will turn to missing him
Missing him will turn to desperation
When you are desperate to be with him again DON'T BE!!
Believe me, it's so much easier to hate him!

kawaii

If you really love someone it doesn't matter what they do. It's who they are that counts.

You gotta decide that for yourself girl.
How much do you love him?

CathyMoran

To the OP I do think that it is possible to get over an affair though, for one thing he told you, it was only a kiss, there may have been personal problems with your bf at the time. I know how close love and hate are, you are understandably very hurt at the moment. I am not saying that you should just take him back, you need to work through your issues, but it is possible to get past this. I do have personal experience of an ex bf cheating on me - feel free to PM.

kawaii

Yeah...

Did he tell you freely or did you suspect something of him?

*Page*

kawaii wrote:

If you really love someone it doesn't matter what they do. It's who they are that counts.

You gotta decide that for yourself girl.
How much do you love him?

There was more than a fight..
And it was more than just a kiss.. it was the last straw.
I have never loved anyone the way i love him, and yes i still love him.
I had a miscarrage a few months back, he said it was nothing to him. he didn't care.
He said he doesnt even like me as a friend anymore, but it was easier to keep me around than to break up with me.
He is also violent (this i tolerated but did not accept)

He has slept with more than 8 people that i know of and each time i forgave him. Because i love him.
I cant handle lies, all i ever asked for was honesty because every guy i've ever been with has f£cked me over. they all have lied and cheated and even once before beat me up.

CathyMoran wrote:

To the OP I do think that it is possible to get over an affair though, for one thing he told you, it was only a kiss, there may have been personal problems with your bf at the time. I know how close love and hate are, you are understandably very hurt at the moment. I am not saying that you should just take him back, you need to work through your issues, but it is possible to get past this. I do have personal experience of an ex bf cheating on me - feel free to PM.

Its not just the cheating as i mentioned above.. its the cheating over and over the total lack of respect. He would tell me i was a liar because he had forgotten certain things. I would have to prove that i was tell the truth.

It was a combination of a lot of things...

kawaii wrote:

Yeah...

Did he tell you freely or did you suspect something of him?

I had guessed as much. he had taken photos and he had removed the picture of him and the girl hugging. i was looking at the indexs and notced this was missing. he then said he was putting it aside to show someone.

I asked who she was and he said she was his friends sister and he was asked to get in the picture with her. then later on he was chatting to and mentioned how they were sat at this gig leaning with their backs together and how the brother jumped out and took the picture.

to this i said nothing at first. then he mentioned that everyone was huggy kissy and how she had kissed him, but it wasnt that they were alone everyone else was there too, kissing and hugging since it was in sicily this is what they do.

then i asked him him what really happened and to cut the bull. it then transpiered that they had walked off together to be alone and he kissed her. i cut him off at that point. and went to walk off. he then pushed me. and started to call me names.

---

I just want to be with someone who can be open and honest with me, i'm tired of mind games and pi$$ takes.

seamus

*Page* wrote:

He has slept with more than 8 people that i know of and each time i forgave him. Because i love him.

You've been together for 18 months, and he's cheated on you *8* times? And you took him back? This probably isn't the time for me to be saying it, but you need to take a look at yourself. You say every guy that you've ever been with has screwed you over. What's the common denominator here? You.

I would advise cutting him off completely, and then taking time on your own. As much time as you need. Rediscover your good mates, get back close to your family. It sounds to me like people walk all over you and disrespect you because you allow them to. You have no respect for yourself, so this shows, and thus people show you no respect. I would advise "finding" yourself. Be the person you want to be, learn to be happy with yourself. Otherwise you'll never be happy with anyone else.

dudara

Page, i'm so sorry to hear all this. It's truly heartbreaking, and I have felt some of what you've gone through.

You've got to walk away from this man, at least for a while, if not for good. you need some space to clear your head. It's scarily possible to be so in love with someone that you'll ignore and condone their faults. But there are limits to how far love should stretch, and he's definitely exceeded those. Not caring about you and your miscarriage, pushing you, abusing you, never mind the cheating.

Be strong girl. We're thinking of you.

kawaii

This dude is ****ing ridiculous. He's got no ****in respect or sympathy.

That story of the miscarriage crushed me. I'm assuming the child was his. It's still your decision but I strongly disagree with keeping him in your life. His and your own blood dead and he doesn't even care!? That heartless prick!

He's got everything bad going for him: he's violent, he cheats, he's dishonest.
You must be damn patient girl to put up with him for that long. And in spite of all your forgiveness he doesn't even care.

You've been used, girl. Chewed up and spat out.

You need to respect yourself and do what best for you.

And imo that means **** him.

I know that that's not easy but I really can't see you too having a future. Just rise above it and walk away.

We're all with ya girl!
Dan

Third_Echelon

This guy sounds like a right dick to be honest. Love can cloud the mind and all sense of judgement goes out the window, so I can see how you've let him back after screwing you over so many times.

Letting him to this to you though shows a weakness on yourself that you'll have to overcome. Be strong and say NO! Tell him to go fcuk himself and never make contact with you again. You may THINK you love him, but he obviously has zero respect for you. These words/actions may be tough for you to swallow, but if you take him back it will keep on happening.
Do you want to go through this for the rest of your life?? Nope, Im sure you dont.

We are only here for a short time. Its better to spend it with someone that respects you, than this cheating, lying prick....

snorlax

i think you ought to leave this fella and find someone who treats you right, this man sounds like he's using you.

PullMyFinger!

Page Ive read your posts over the past while on Boards and you come across as sensible and mature, especially in PI. You need to dump this guy yesterday. What age are you?

Sidane

Sorry to hear about this Page, sounds awful.

My advice: Don't walk away from this guy - RUN!!

He's nothing but bad news, you'll be better off without him. Hard to do but often the best course of action is.

Shabadu

Page, listen to what seamus said. If you don't figure out why you stayed with this guy for so long you'll either get back together with him/ find another bloke who treats you the exact same way.

It is not because you have a love so pure and true it will last till the end of time. Trust me.

There are a million men out there like him. You have decided to be madly in love with this man for unhealthy reasons that you need to figure out, with a counsellor if possible. Maybe it has to do with self-esteem, or fear of being alone. The one thing I will tell you is to turn your back on this man now and forever. You can choose to put an end to this quickly and permanently, or you can drag out the agony for years.

What if got pregnant with his child again? You know what type of a father this man will make.

You need to realise that nothing you could ever say or do will change him in any way.

tinkerbell

The guy is a total jackass. To say he cheated not once, not twice but eight times is just proof of what a dick he is. You don't have to put up with that at all, why should you? There's loads of men out there who ain't like him. He's just obviously a total rat who has no respect for you.

Don't go back to him again. You've already said that not only is he a cheater, but he mocked you about your miscarriage, and he is also violent. Not exactly a nice character reference is it?

So dump his sorry ass, and have nothing else to do with him. You're better off without him, and then you can be happy with someone else who treats you the way you should be treated.

airetam_storm

The most important points need to be repeated

seamus wrote:

You've been together for 18 months, and he's cheated on you *8* times? And you took him back? This probably isn't the time for me to be saying it, but you need to take a look at yourself. You say every guy that you've ever been with has screwed you over. What's the common denominator here? You.

Shabadu wrote:

It is not because you have a love so pure and true it will last till the end of time. Trust me.

What if got pregnant with his child again? You know what type of a father this man will make.

You need to realise that nothing you could ever say or do will change him in any way.

kawaii wrote:

We're all with ya girl!

c - 13

I think all that needs to be said has been said by other posters already.

Page - from reading other posts/threads from you come across as a sensible, intelligent lady and you do not deserve to be treated like this - no one does. Personally I suggest you leave this guy as soon as possible - to be honest i find his behaviour slightly disturbing (specifically his mockery of your miscarriage and his "violent bouts").

Try and put him behind you, it may not be easy, but it will be worth it. Keep looking and you will eventually find a guy who is right for you.

Best of luck.
Adam

*Page*

seamus wrote:

You've been together for 18 months, and he's cheated on you *8* times? And you took him back? This probably isn't the time for me to be saying it, but you need to take a look at yourself. You say every guy that you've ever been with has screwed you over. What's the common denominator here? You.

I would advise cutting him off completely, and then taking time on your own. As much time as you need. Rediscover your good mates, get back close to your family. It sounds to me like people walk all over you and disrespect you because you allow them to. You have no respect for yourself, so this shows, and thus people show you no respect. I would advise "finding" yourself. Be the person you want to be, learn to be happy with yourself. Otherwise you'll never be happy with anyone else.

It happend like this i found out about him sleeping with 5 girls took him back. these where all within the first 6 months of being together. he went away to work and we where still together but where going to talk when he came back. then while he was away he kissed 2 other girls and slept with one other. i found out about it after. we then talked i took him back on the deal that if he did it again we would finish.

and he has done it again, i feel so strong at the moment, i'm so happy to be away. i'm lessed stressed out. i'm happier and more fun to be around(more than one person has commented)

Jonny Arson

*Page* wrote:

i feel so strong at the moment, i'm so happy to be away. i'm lessed stressed out. i'm happier and more fun to be around(more than one person has commented)

That's great to hear. Keep it up! You're sooooo better off without him!

Shabadu

Yay for Page.

*Page*

kawaii wrote:

This dude is ****ing ridiculous. He's got no ****in respect or sympathy.

That story of the miscarriage crushed me. I'm assuming the child was his. It's still your decision but I strongly disagree with keeping him in your life. His and your own blood dead and he doesn't even care!? That heartless prick!

He's got everything bad going for him: he's violent, he cheats, he's dishonest.
You must be damn patient girl to put up with him for that long. And in spite of all your forgiveness he doesn't even care.

You've been used, girl. Chewed up and spat out.

You need to respect yourself and do what best for you.

And imo that means **** him.

I know that that's not easy but I really can't see you too having a future. Just rise above it and walk away.

We're all with ya girl!
Dan

This is how i'm feeling since it all came out. it was like wam this big cloud just lifted. and i seen who he really was...

the most part of our relationship was perfect. we had a great time together and we had fun. we laughed all the time. then on two different times he broke me by tell me he had cheated. one time with 5 girls over a space of time and then again with 3.
I took him back both times because he seem so sorry. its been the past few months. after a fight with his best friend that he has been speaking very nastily towards me. you see he kicked his friend out over somethings things he said to me.
everything seems to be off with him. i have spoken to a friend of ours, about this already and she told me to give him time,

his time is up and its game over i want no more of this from him.

PullMyFinger! wrote:

Page Ive read your posts over the past while on Boards and you come across as sensible and mature, especially in PI. You need to dump this guy yesterday. What age are you?

i dumped him last week and i'm 22

Sidane wrote:

Sorry to hear about this Page, sounds awful.

My advice: Don't walk away from this guy - RUN!!

He's nothing but bad news, you'll be better off without him. Hard to do but often the best course of action is.

Your advice made me smile thank you. I have been singel a whole week and i'm happy. I note to myself each time i feel that little bit better a reasure myself that it is for the best.

Shabadu wrote:

Page, listen to what seamus said. If you don't figure out why you stayed with this guy for so long you'll either get back together with him/ find another bloke who treats you the exact same way.

It is not because you have a love so pure and true it will last till the end of time. Trust me.

There are a million men out there like him. You have decided to be madly in love with this man for unhealthy reasons that you need to figure out, with a counsellor if possible. Maybe it has to do with self-esteem, or fear of being alone. The one thing I will tell you is to turn your back on this man now and forever. You can choose to put an end to this quickly and permanently, or you can drag out the agony for years.

What if got pregnant with his child again? You know what type of a father this man will make.

You need to realise that nothing you could ever say or do will change him in any way.

To be very honest I do not want to change him in anyway. I want nothing to do with him ever again


I want to say thank you to everyone who has replied and let me have this little rant of mine... I wonder now that i am singel if my ban will be lifted from the cockoo's nest???

CrowdedHouse

*Page* wrote:

i feel so strong at the moment, i'm so happy to be away. i'm lessed stressed out. i'm happier and more fun to be around(more than one person has commented)

Way to go girl ! Well done

LegacyUser

Lessons learn't from boards over the past two days:

Men seem to be more hassel than they are worth.
Love is blind.
Even if the cake is rotten but you can still manage to cut the one last non gone off slice, we stick candles on the cake and call it husband material.
If you want something bad enough you will put up with being abused/hurt.
You shouldn't have to give yourself up to be with someone else.
Fear and lonliness go hand in hand.
Sometimes being with someone can make you more lonely than if you where on your own.

Page I'm really glad you came to that decission. Sometimes I think boards posters can be a little too quick to call time on a relationship. I don't think that was the case here.

I hope you enjoy being single, and that if you decide to give up your single life again that its for the right reason and that you get treated with the respect you deserve.

shakaman

Glad to hear you've taken the step to freedom Page, my thoughts were with ya throughout the thread. You go girlfriend!!!

I know this situation is dissimilar to your own but here's a little insight on to how things could go with a guy who cheats on/is violent to his woman.....my neighbours arrived in our parish a happy newlywed couple and had a couple of kids in tow. I agreed to babysit for them as they both worked long hours. I repeatedly recieved calls from women from around that I knew looking for the husband....now this guy was new in the area and his profession is truck driver, so they weren't ringing for a driving lesson! One night they arrive home, him warped and her sober as per usual so he proceeded to ask where the youngest was. I said asleep in bed, not any more was the reply. He went down to the room and proceeded to hit the child of 4 yrs of age so hard that I could hear the thump off his back at the other end of the house. It took me and my father beating him to sleep to get him off. This escalated over a couple of years with a result that the guy is under a barring order of 150m form the house.

It just goes to show that once a man you thought was once the one you would spend your life with can turn in to a monster. Don't let it happen to you because the signs are there.

Alana

Hurray, go you lady.

I kind of had the same situation, love-hate thing with a guy about 2 years ago, he didn't cheat on me, but a lot of stuff happened and the sheer speed at which I went from being head over heels in love with him to being completely repulsed by him, and wanting to beat the living daylights out of him, was rather er, quick...I still cant stand the guy..grrr, and considering how much I cared about him, and would have done anything for him, it really is quite bizzare. Humans eh?

If you loved him, and if he loved you, he should have had a lot more respect than to cheat on you so many times...I think Seamus might have said it best as well.

You will love again, I did, it might be hard, and you'll go through a lot of questioning, crap, tears, and messyness, but you'll get through it and you will find someone again. But don't let anyone treat you like that, you don't deserve to put up with that kind of crap, and emotional head fu(kage. As my girl Aretha said "R.E.S.P.E.C.T...."

But go you! Woo independent woman and all that type jazz, woman of the 21st century can change our own plugs, figure out these computer thingys, and wear them leg covering thingys

idontknowmyname

cheaters are scum- i wouldn't have even given him a second chance. You're so much better off without him

Coney Island

If you really want to hurt him back, don't show that you hate him.....just ignore him. It will drive him crazy.....there is nothing more painful than indifference.