I feel awful

LegacyUser

Ok, I just don't know where to start. My life is just making me feel so down.

I'm 20, going into third year college. Its really my parents that are making me feel so depressed.
I have an older sister, a really big achiever academically, she is basically 'the favourite'. I am constantley being compared to her, still after all these years. I get a lot of the 'your sister doesn't do that' and stuff. My parents, especially my dad put me down a lot.
I have always wanted to be accepted by them, I dont know why but I never felt fully part of the family, I have a younger brother too, and I always get the feeling its like the 4 of them are a family, and I'm just a lodger.
I have always tried to make them happy, I choose a course in college cos it was the college they wanted me 2 go 2, I thought it would finally make them proud of me. I hate my course.
I have found myself drinking more lately, they're always at me, blame me for everything, they talk about me like I'm not here.
I feel so sad, they make me so upset.
My confidence has been deminished. I used to cut myself and they said it was just a phase, in the end it was my friends who brought me to get help.
I want to move out but I literally can't afford it.
They make my life a misery.
I just wish I was dead sometimes...I doubt theyd even notice though

Victor

I'm not sure what to say. It very much sounds like middle child sysdrome (the eldset is the golden child and the youngest is the baby and get special attention for those reasons).

I get a lot of the 'your sister doesn't do that' and stuff.

Guess what, you aren't your sister.

Perhaps you need someone as a counterbalance whether your friends, boy/girlfriend or if you feel that things are really difficult, discuss it with your GP and maybe see a counsellor (there might be a free GP and/or counsellor in college).

bp_me

I think it is only natural for people to compare the younger sibling to the older one. Especially if the older one was a good achiever academically. I have seen it a lot in the 2nd level I went to, and even from friends parents.

As far as the "your sister doesnt do that kinda stuff"....I'll bet she does. People are very good at ignoring what they don't want to see.

Now about college. If you are really unhappy in college consider changing course. Or pursueing(spelling?) a different path altogether. Would you be better suited to a trade or plc course?? You need to stop living for your parents and start living for yourself.

Be happy you have friends who care about you like they do. Have you spoken to any of them about this? They will understand and want to help.

You say you want to move out, but can't afford it. You also say you have been drinking more lately. Notice a pattern? Stop drinking, get a part-time job and you should be able to move out if you want to.

I just wish I was dead sometimes

Please stop thinking like this. It's not healthy. I can guarantee they will miss you. I think suicide is one of the most selfish and cowardly things a person can do. It is only a cop out. Have you considered you may be depressed. Have you discussed this with a doctor?

There are lots of support groups around aswell. I dont have any of the links to hand, but I'm sure someone else does, and they are in some of the other threads on this forum.

goldenbrown

Max Ehrmann


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

DawnMc

goldenbrown wrote:

Max Ehrmann


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Someone gave me this when I was going thru a bad patch a couple of years back, it's great

Fudd

goldenbrown wrote:

Max Ehrmann


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

I think you're my teacher... in CCC? either more than one preson loves this poem or I know and like you.

I read this poem on the wall of a classroom and thought it perfectly elegant and an excellent code to live by. It may not apply to everyone but if you're looking to be calm this is for you.

ARGINITE

Victor wrote:

middle child sysdrome

Do you have friends in college?
If you do then you should try to move out of home, it will give you a better view of college. You have already said that you dont have the money to, I was in the same boat but manage to move out last year after getting a loan. So you could look into that.
Also im sure that your parents would notice you if you moved out!

kawaii

I think your parents got somethin to learn about parenting.

Putting your kid down wont help them acheive. It'll just make them feel like they can't acheive.

b3t4

OP, BE YOU. I can't stress this enough. You have got to do the things in your life because you want to do them. Otherwise you end up in situation like you are in. Stop trying to please everyone, it doesn't work. I'm a big fan of if you keep beating your head against a brick wall and it doesn't work, try a different approach. Unless you like brain damage which I'm guessing you don't.

You cannot change your parents but you can change how you behave towards them.

A.

kawaii

Some good advice here.

You peoples is why I like the boards

mp3guy

have you tried telling them you feel like this?

jesus_thats_gre

I presume you reckon your parents will not take you too seriously if you raise these issues with them.. Why not trying using their admiration towards your sister to your benefit. Try and have an honest, non petty or jealous, discussion with your sister about how you HONESTLY feel.. Get her on your side and then get her to approach your parents about it..

Long shot but..

RopeDrink

Life was never meant to be fun, or easy. It's up to you to make it that way. Remember that it's YOUR life, nobody elses, and don't live it to make other people happy, live it the way you want to.

Doing courses to please others is terrible. I bet there was no guarantee that you'd be treated any different or shown any respect from doing it, and it's no wonder you hate going through it. To me, that's one big waste of your own time. Even if it DID make your family accept or respect you more, it's a piss poor reason for doing it. Noone should ever ask or even suggest doing such a thing for their own benefit, especially parents.

Best thing to do is get out of that home, and get settled elsewhere. Plan things the way YOU want to do them and forget trying to make others happy. IT NEVER WORKS. You can't please everybody, and people who waste time trying are generally very simple.

Thats my two cents worth on the subject.

carbonkid

What are you doing in college or more importantly what do you wanna do? Its impostant your heading to a future you want.

Parents are silly things cause they mean well and want the best for you but they are only human and can mess up a little along the way.

Youll move out of your parents so that wont as much a problem but make sure you're doing something in college your interested in and not what makes your parents proud

...this is just my perspective cause me no perfessional :P

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I'm doing a business course, and I always wanted to do beauty therapy, but my parent said they wouldn't support me cos it's not a degree course.
Yeh I do have friends in college, I stay in their places a lot of the times just to escape it all.

b3t4

verysad wrote:

I'm doing a business course, and I always wanted to do beauty therapy, but my parent said they wouldn't support me cos it's not a degree course.

Worst comes to worse the business course will stand well for you if you do go in to the beauty therapy side of things. It'll surely help if you want to setup your own buisness in that area.

Also, college is a place that only runs for part of the year. During Summer Hols and Christmas hols find some apprentice (not sure if this would be the correct word) work in the Beauty Therapy side of things. The beauty work might even be partly paid. It might be tough but not a lot of things in life are easy.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Take a year out, get a job and move out, your parents will be dead some day, them being proud of you won't help you then.

If they're as ignorant as you're making out why do you care about their opinion so much?

chump

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

your parents will be dead some day, them being proud of you won't help you then.

That's brilliant

rick_fantastic

beauty therapy is not a job u want to go in2. seems like a good idea but in reality it is a ****ty job that requires hard work for very little reward. my ex did 2yr beauty therapy and is currently working in a creche cos there is fook all jobs in it.

jesus_thats_gre

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

Take a year out, get a job and move out, your parents will be dead some day, them being proud of you won't help you then.

Ok, genius!!

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

If they're as ignorant as you're making out why do you care about their opinion so much?

WTF?




Anyway, as already said, the business course will stand by you someday. When you say you wanna be a beauty therapist, I assume you do not want to do this every other day for the rest of your life.. As suggested, an ideal goal may be to stick the current course out and then get into what you wanna do.. Then in a few years time when you got everything nailed (get it ) and have the inclination, consider setting up a business and utilise all your qualifications..


Also, what sorta parents bully their kid into doing business..