Help

anon_1245

hello,
im hoping somebody can help me out here. Im not very good at writing so please excuse me, ill try my best.

I don't know how to start this except by saying that im awful depressed. I think its because i really have trouble acting myself. Im always trying to be something im not and end up never connecting with people and distancing myself from other people.

I moved to a city about two years ago on my own and left most of my friends back at home. When I was at home, I was into drugs and thinking back now I suppose they were never real friends.

Whenever I meet people now, I am always self conscious and thinking about what I am saying and I suppose tailoring what im saying towards them.

Now, I dont really have any friends and when I get an opportunity to make new ones, I always blow it because I dont act myself. Im going insane.

Ive even been playing with the idea of suicide recently and the thought is getting stronger. Im getting worse.

The funny thing is though, I can sometimes feel on top of the world and really feel good and feel like talking to people, but then I go back to the way I was. Getting worse every time.

Am I just downright despressed?
Or is there something else wrong with me?

I really need help.

jcoote

u need to try and findthe root cause of why u are uncomfortable being yourself... is it a feeling of worthlessness or shyness??? are u still doin drugs??? did u move alone to the city???

your not goin mad don't worry try and hang in there

Webmonkey

I feel like you to be honest. On top of it all stresses and ****. All i can say though man is hang in there, say fook it, who cares, i'll act the way I want to and if it doesn't suit people well then so it be. Just get it into your head that you don't have to pretend to be someone else. I know its hard, it is. I probably still can't be myself around people.

I hope things get better man

anon_1245

i think i have always wanted to be something that im not. I always find peoples bad qualitys and compare them to myself to make me feel good.

I dont do much drugs now except the odd time i smoke dope. This makes me feel worse. I always forget this though and do it again. Its just to escape i think . I get very paranoid around people when im stoned so i just go into my own room and listen to music by myself.

I used to take stronger stuff. I know that if i went on that again, it would be the end. i hope i have the sense not to.

I moved to the city on my own not knowing anybody. This Sept. my old friends are moving down though and they want me to move back in with them. I agreed, i dont know why. I know they will taking lots of drugs and stuff. Im going to try and think of an excuse not to move in now. It will be definitely hard though beacuse the city i live in is small and they will be ringing me and stuff. There so fake themselves that i dont thinbk they even realise im fake.

ive tried to act myself loads of times but i just end up being really quiet which isnt me either. I have been ablle to act myself before sometimes and take people for what they are. Im a really nice person when im like that and other people are really drawn to me. This is making me worse because then when im down again, im always trying to act like that person I was (which i think is really me). and i just cant do it. I end up being arrogant and trying too hard.

mr_angry

Maybe you should see this September as an opportunity rather than a worry. This could be the opportunity to be yourself and stand up to your old friends. Be honest with them - tell them you don't want to move back in with them because you're trying to stay away from drugs and that kind of lifestyle. If they complain / bitch / moan, again be honest with them. Tell them that your old lifestyle made you feel bad, and that you don't want to get back into it.

The brilliant thing about being human is that you are always capable of changing. Sometimes you aren't quite able to do it, but there is always another opportunity arround the corner. Don't lose heart if you lapse a couple of times. If you want it badly enough (and it sounds like you are determined to change), then wait for an opportunity, and go for it. Once you get a couple of successes under your belt, you'll feel on top of the world again.

Matamoros

Firstly, may I say that as a new boards member, I am heartened by the humanity of the replies to the really troublesome issues that face our fellow members. I still struggling with the same issues as regards being myself around people and it takes a brave person to just say how they feel at any time. Lots of us only say something when it's a fair point to make or say something that agrees with the conventional wisdom. Self editing is damaging to one's sense of self, try some time to experiment with speaking your mind, I suggest you do it with a person that is not too close to you, the result can be quite satisfying. Remember, it doesn't have to be PC or intelligent or positive or correct or well judged, just let rip. I think that one reason why so many of us are feeling so bad these days is that we are not being the "hero" in our own movie. That is to say that we are constantly being bombarded by other people's stories,their money, their looks, and on and on, as a result I feel that we don't have anyone to follow except a myriad of different values competing for our attenton. Look to yourself and say "how do I feel and how will I react to this?". If you are weak inside and let it overcome your strength that in truth you know you have, you are putting out a picture of you that you don't agree with. Better to have no friends at all and be strong than follow the lost.

anon_1245

thanks for the advice guys- its really given me a new outlook,
its a long road though I think.

Beruthiel

Strength and confidence comes from experience and also from doing stuff that scares you, ie – you do the thing that scares you, you don’t die from it, hey presto, a little tiny bit more confidence than you had yesterday.
Things like that are a bit like going to the dentist, it’s never as bad as you thought it would be.
Might I point out that you over think/think too much.
Try to remember that most people are like you to one extent or another, after all you are no more and no less human then the next human beside you.
We all have our fears and it’s up to us to bit the bullet and go with it.
That’s how we all grow as people.
Stop thinking, go out, talk to people, what’s the absolute worst that can happen to you? Will you survive it?
You have the previous gift of life, live it and be yourself, after all, you only want friends who like you for you!

tirl

anon_1245 wrote:

thanks for the advice guys- its really given me a new outlook,
its a long road though I think.

It may be a long road, but you have begun the journey now and it's great that you have a new outlook. That is something to work on and just take it one step at a time.

Are you working? can you join new clubs etc and get new friends, there are plenty of things out there you just have to look

good luck