To get her

ctrl-alt-delete

To get her

a thought, a vision, a dreamer in denial,
magnolia memories serve to show me,
your beauty is only surpassed by your smile.

a dream, in reality, is more than a dream,
magnolia memories serve to show me,
you only remember if you wake in between.

and how i dream of the days gone by,
and the days yet to come,
the dreamers cry and the poets tongue,
and finally i wonder how to get her at last,
together at last.



comments and thoughts appreciated, thanks

the raven

"the dreamers cry and the poets tongue"

dunno bout tongue but a very good line.

the title could be improved. it lacks punch and detracts from the opening of the poem; a stronger title would do greater justice to the opening stanza.

bar the 3rd line the first stanza is good. using "serve" in relation to your memories i thinks evokes the wrong feeling. "serve to show me" can be jiggled or editted as you see fit for better flow.
the opening line really is great, but it shouldn't end with a comma, it needs something more definite to really drive it's importance and significance. a comma also denies fluid rhythm and confuses the reader with regard to the following line. perhaps a dash or semi-colon or star or tilda or some other unused symbol could be thrown in there for effect. punctuation is a major tool in poetry that many overlook, keep your eyes open and you can create and evoke a whole host of different things with intelligent application of useful punctuation...

i like the repetition but it can be bettered if you strengthen the line itself.

you have "and" as a beginner to three of the lines in the last stanza...

i don't find that "to get her" is altogether a witty little play on words, just seems like a quick cop out that detracts from the previous and simply ends badly.

over-all: good, do better - it's obvious you can.

apologies for the crap syntax, long day, very tired...