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A sort of haiku

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  • 30-07-2005 10:52am
    #1
    randomhuman
    Registered Users Posts: 88 ✭✭


    Flourescent lights
    on a plain white wall.
    The water tastes like chemicals.


Comments

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    #2
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    so what drugs you been takin?


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    #3
    randomhuman
    Registered Users Posts: 88 ✭✭randomhuman


    I like them all, but this hasn't got anything to do with drugs.


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    #4
    BEAT
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    if you'd like it to be a 'sort of' Haiku then you should follow the rule of syllables:
    5-7-5 ;)


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    #5
    randomhuman
    Registered Users Posts: 88 ✭✭randomhuman


    Uh, yeah, that's why I said "sort of haiku" rather than just "haiku". For me, it's less about the rules (which are far from certain in English) and more about the image.


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    #6
    ctrl-alt-delete
    Registered Users Posts: 13,907 ✭✭✭✭ctrl-alt-delete


    i liked the image, fair play randomhuman


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    #7
    randomhuman
    Registered Users Posts: 88 ✭✭randomhuman


    Why thank you muchly, ctrl-alt-delete.


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    #8
    pwd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,284 ✭✭✭pwd


    there's no kigo. Violating the syllable-structure is ok in English but you need a Kigo. Haikus have to be about nature. It's not a haiku.

    It's good, but seems incomplete.


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    #9
    randomhuman
    Registered Users Posts: 88 ✭✭randomhuman


    I am aware of the rules, thanks, I just don't give a ****.


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    #10
    De Mad Yoke
    Closed Accounts Posts: 116 ✭✭De Mad Yoke


    I want a cheese haiku or at least a stream of cheese poetry dammit!

    Sorry.........

    Cheese is great
    Cheese is good
    Cheese I ate
    Cheese I would
    Build my castle out of


    thank you! I'm here till thursday! Try the steak!


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    #11
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Yellow, but heated
    Turns to the gold of autumn-
    Tasty cheese on toast.


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