People You Don't Like

Crubeens

Just wanted to get people's opinions on not liking people.

I am a friendly person, pretty easy going and it takes a lot for somebody to annoy me or make me angry. Moreover, I tend to like people I meet, and rarely will take an instant or serious dislike them.

There are a couple of people in my life at the moment who I see on a regular basis, one of whom I would call a good friend. However, although I can get on with them and have a laugh, they make me very uncomfortable a lot of the time. I don't respect their outlook on life, and they have certain predjudices and negative opinions which make me uneasy. I also get the feeling that my easy going nature annoys them.

'Books' and 'experts' will say that when you meet someone you don't like, it reflects something in you and it's an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

Would anyone agree with this? Should you try to anaylse why you don't get on with them, or just accept it and avoid them?!

Beruthiel

this is a forum for personal issues

please state exactly what your's is
B

Goodshape

Maybe better suited for humanities? I'd be ineterested to see where the conversation goes.

'Books' and 'experts' will say that when you meet someone you don't like, it reflects something in you and it's an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

Maybe so, but maybe you will learn that you're better off without these people.

Beruthiel

my thoughts too

moved
B

Neuro

Crubeens wrote:

'Books' and 'experts' will say that when you meet someone you don't like, it reflects something in you and it's an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

Would anyone agree with this? Should you try to anaylse why you don't get on with them, or just accept it and avoid them?!

I don't know what books or 'experts' you're listening to, but my advice to you would be to steer clear of the Self-Help section of your local bookstore and all the pop-psychology nonsense it contains.

No person gets on well with everyone and just because there are people you don't like does not indicate that there's anything wrong with you; different people have different personalities and different needs in a relationship.

There's a questionaire in my local paper each week that asks the local C-list celebrities about their lives. One of the questions is 'Which living person do you most despise?' and almost every week the interviewee answers 'I don't hate anyone'. I'm always very suspicious of this answer because it indicates that they are either lying or are deluded. Everyone knows someone they dislike intensely. It's called 'being human'...

boneless

The fact that your friend's negative (to you) prejudices make you feel uncomfortable is possibly an indication that you do not let them know this. Tell them and if they are true mates they will tone down their reactions to you. There is nothing to say that you cannot try to influence their outlooks, but be aware of the fine line between persuasion and intolerance to others views.

Good luck. By asking these questions you are indicating a good nature to me.

In_the_sea

All that stuff about taking a deep breath and relaxing is a load of b*llux! self help your self!

how to know when you should avoid someone is when you feel bad coming away from them! try focus on the good points of people and if their negative shadows their positive, then forget about em!

Crubeens

Fair points - There are obviously really good qualities to these people, and that makes me wonder why I'm uncomfortable around them, and never particularly crave their company.

I could tell them why I don't like their views on certain areas, but to be honest, I think it goes deeper than that. I don't feel that a good argument or discussion would do any good; in fact, we've had heated discussions and their reactions just made me feel awkward rather than relieved.

If they weren't members of a circle of close friends I have, I'd probably never see them and that would suit me. But they are, and avoidance is difficult.

IANOC

if we all questioned why we conflict with others personalities and views/ideas and didnt show or act on our instincts , nazis would still rule the roost , for e.g.

Baz_

IANOC wrote:

if we all questioned why we conflict with others personalities and views/ideas and didnt show or act on our instincts , nazis would still rule the roost , for e.g.

I'm sure that made sense to you, but would you care to explain what it means. In English perhaps.

IANOC

why try to understand people you dont like???

hows that?

rsynnott

I can't stand fscking insincere people.

nesf

*shrugs*

For some reason people are always taking a dislike to me. So I've a lot of experience in how different people do it.

Some are grand about it. We dislike each other, or they just dislike me, but neither of us makes an issue about it or gets worked up over it. I like or at least can respect these people.

Some just don't speak to me. Again, this is fine. We tend to try to avoid situations where it comes up and everyone is happy.

Some get worked up into some form of crusade against me. Generally these are very bored people with little better to do.


Disliking someone isn't a very concious thing. Yeah sometimes you can pick out reasons why you dislike someone, but at other times there's no single reason. You just dislike them.

Disliking people is a fact of life. You can't get on with everyone you meet, and you definitely can't make them all like you. The important part is to act properly about it. If you dislike someone, leave it at that. Don't make a huge issue out of it. Just accept it and get on with enjoying life. People you dislike aren't worth caring about and definitely aren't worth you spending time on. Why bother? Just because you dislike them doesn't mean you have to nurture that dislike into hatred.

This will work for 99% of people you dislike. There are however that small 1% who you genuinely detest and generally there is plenty of **** between the two of yee. Plenty of things done that are hard to forget and forgive etc. How you handle them is a matter of personal taste. Personally I like to ignore their existence socially and daydream about them being miserable when I need to cheer myself up. But that's a bit passive for some people.

With the vast majority of people you never start hating them, you have to work on it over time and put effort into it.

And lets face it, hating someone takes a lot of energy and work. Not worth it tbh.

Crucifix

nesf wrote:

*shrugs*

For some reason people are always taking a dislike to me. So I've a lot of experience in how different people do it.

Some are grand about it. We dislike each other, or they just dislike me, but neither of us makes an issue about it or gets worked up over it. I like or at least can respect these people.

Some just don't speak to me. Again, this is fine. We tend to try to avoid situations where it comes up and everyone is happy.

Some get worked up into some form of crusade against me. Generally these are very bored people with little better to do.


Disliking someone isn't a very concious thing. Yeah sometimes you can pick out reasons why you dislike someone, but at other times there's no single reason. You just dislike them.

Disliking people is a fact of life. You can't get on with everyone you meet, and you definitely can't make them all like you. The important part is to act properly about it. If you dislike someone, leave it at that. Don't make a huge issue out of it. Just accept it and get on with enjoying life. People you dislike aren't worth caring about and definitely aren't worth you spending time on. Why bother? Just because you dislike them doesn't mean you have to nurture that dislike into hatred.

This will work for 99% of people you dislike. There are however that small 1% who you genuinely detest and generally there is plenty of **** between the two of yee. Plenty of things done that are hard to forget and forgive etc. How you handle them is a matter of personal taste. Personally I like to ignore their existence socially and daydream about them being miserable when I need to cheer myself up. But that's a bit passive for some people.

With the vast majority of people you never start hating them, you have to work on it over time and put effort into it.

And lets face it, hating someone takes a lot of energy and work. Not worth it tbh.

I agree with this 100%.
I know people who can't just dislike someone, they either like them or hate them with all their being, nothing between. They're just causing trouble where there doesn't need to be any.

McGinty

I would agree with some of the comments made, but you mentioned that these people are in a wider circle of friends. I dislike someone within my group of friends, she is a friend of a friend and I find her immensely irritating, however I am polite but distant with her, I treat her with manners and courtesy, she in turn doesn't like me, and we just keep a distance where possible.

I always found that if I'm not missing a person or luke warm to seeing them, I feel its time to step back and let them fade out of my life. Nine times out of ten it works. There can be some truth in looking at yourself in terms of why you are reacting angrily or negatively to someone, but I believe in making allowances for irritating and annoying people, and avoidance in my opinion is the best measure.

Dades

I think a lot to do with your feelings toward somebody has to do with your perception of how they view you.

By this I mean if you know somebody dislikes you, 99 times out of 100 you are automatically going to dislike them back. Regardless of how you might have felt had you not known.

Similarly your feeling of dislike for someone may waver on discovering that the other individual just told somebody what a cool guy/gal you are.