Is my life worth living with HIV?

LegacyUser

I've contracted HIV I'm not sure off the person I'm currently sleeping with but I was with someone else and only gave her oral sex, which for lads is the easist way to contract it, I got all the symtoms(which you can remember when you get dignosed) and now I'm not sure if I've gotten it off the partner I'm sleeping with but I've heard shes been around too, I've only been with her once since I found out but covered up.
Just a few things are going through my mind, should I tell any of my mates or family? I asked them last year "if you got AIDS/HIV would you tell any of your mates" they all said yes, but I dono weather or not to tell them because when I'm out if I was chatting to a nice girl they'd get jealus and turn out "he's got hiv" which truth or no truth would steer them clear.
Its getting me down now at this stage, I'd rather run out in front of a truck and die that way without anyone knowing the truth, but I feel pitty on the poor driver having to do that for my selfishness. I just feel like not working, not getting out of bed not doing anything but just drinking and taking drugs - for the sake of it. I can never have a propper relationship or children for the rest of my life. I just don't want people at my funerial to talk about me dying because I got aids, need some advice on what to do please

Blub2k4

Do yourself a favour, ask whoever diagnosed you what counselling services and backup is available.
I dont envy your position it cant be easy but it is possible to live life with HIV, it is not the immediate death sentence that it once was.

Good luck and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Get counselling, you need the help now.

thatkindofgirl

Please mention to your doctor that you're seriously depressed and having suicidal thoughts.

You'll need treatment for that too.

There are almost certainly HIV+ support groups in Ireland. Try contacting the Dublin Aids Alliance for more information.

Blu2k4 is right -- new treatments mean that HIV needn't be a death sentence like it used to be. Find a doctor you can speak frankly with, and you'll learn a lot.

Also, don't sleep with anyone from now until you tell them. Let them make that decision.

LegacyUser

Ungistereeeddd wrote:

should I tell any of my mates or family? I asked them last year "if you got AIDS/HIV would you tell any of your mates" they all said yes, but I dono weather or not to tell them because when I'm out if I was chatting to a nice girl they'd get jealus and turn out "he's got hiv" which truth or no truth would steer them clear.

from that it sounds like you're still planning to go out and pick up girls etc. im sorry to have to tell you this but if you know you have hiv/aids its actually a criminal offence for you to hae sex with someone. i believe the charge is man slaughter. if this isn't what you meant i apologise

yossarin

what advice we can give: please don't anything too hastily. Give youself time to work through this.

It isn't a death sentence here in the first world. Holly Johnson (frankie goes to hollywood guy) got HIV in 1991 and AIDS in 1993, and he's still churning out autobiographies and the like and is apparently the model of health.

LundiMardi

Ungistereeeddd wrote:

I've only been with her once since I found out but covered up.

OK for one, sort this **** out! What if she didn't give it to you? And now you may have given it to her?

Whatever you want to do to yourself is your business but this is not on!

el tel

Take heart dude, HIV is not a death sentence...


On November 7, 1991, Earvin 'Magic' Johnson stunned the sports world when he announced he had tested positive for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, during a routine physical exam. Johnson also announced his retirement from basketball but returned in 1992 and again in 1996. He turned his enthusiasm and leadership skills to business. Among his successes, he developed movie theaters and shopping malls in poor and neglected sections of large cities where no one else would invest.

In September 1991, just before he learned he had HIV, Johnson wed longtime friend Earletha "Cookie" Kelly. The couple had a son in 1993 and adopted a daughter in 1995. Johnson also has a son from a previous relationship who lives near his estate. Ever optimistic, Johnson believed that the right combination of medicine, diet, and exercise would help him to survive until a cure for AIDS was found.

Johnson's physicians announced in early 1997 that the AIDS virus in his body had been reduced to undetectable levels. They attributed the improvement to the use of powerful drugs, including protease inhibitors. His wife Cookie gave the credit to God stating, "The Lord has definitely healed Earvin. Doctors think it's the medicine. We claim it in the name of Jesus."

Nickibaby*

You need to discuss this with your partner, she needs to get tested and it's not fair that you are sleeping with her when you know that you have HIV. If she wants to sleep with you when she knows you have it that is her choice, but you must give her the choice it's not fair otherwise.

Regards yourself i'm sure this is a great shock to the system. Would you mind me asking you why you decided to get tested in the first place?

When anybody finds out they have any illness it impacts their lives dramatically, you should go to your doctor and he will refere you on for counselling. You can't deal with this on your own. HIV and aids are no longer frowned upon like they once were, it's another awful disease that is out there. My heart goes out to you. You need support go to the person who diagnoised you they will tell you where to go for help.

You can live your life with this. You are not alone, thousands upon thousand of people have HIV.

My friend is inferile she thought that was the end of her life that no man would ever want her and that she wouldn't have a family but she met a lovely man and they have adopted two lovely children. So she has the family that she always thought would never be possible to have. I know it's not the same as what you have but there is hope out there. Never say never.

BuffyBot

Ungistereeeddd wrote:

I can never have a propper relationship or children for the rest of my life. I just don't want people at my funerial to talk about me dying because I got aids, need some advice on what to do please

You can have a "proper" relationship (whatever that is - remember relationships are as individual as the people in them). OK, children may not figure, but you are not the only person out there who will not to have a child.

As for your funeral, well you're looking at something which with proper care and medication is more than likely as far down the line from you as it is for many others out there.

Take the advice the others have given you - get help, and keep heart.

LegacyUser

a) have you actualy been tested positive?

b) you cant get it from oral sex

Blub2k4

paperclip wrote:

b) you cant get it from oral sex

Untrue it is just unlikely.

http://www.engenderhealth.org/res/onc/hiv/transmission/hiv3p2.html

Although HIV transmission through unprotected oral sex—cunnilingus (oral-vulva contact) or fellatio (oral-penile contact)—can occur, the risk is much lower than for unprotected vaginal or anal sex. But this behavior is not free of risk. With oral sex, the person at greater risk is the one using his or her mouth to stimulate the other person’s genitals. The risk is increased when that person has open sores in the mouth or bleeding gums. The risk is also increased when that person receives semen in the mouth or swallows any secretions.

thatkindofgirl

paperclip wrote:

a) have you actualy been tested positive?

b) you cant get it from oral sex

You CAN get it from oral sex -- it's just not as likely.

ANY passing of bodily fluids can transmit the virus.

Eoin

Nickibaby* wrote:

You need to discuss this with your partner, she needs to get tested and it's not fair that you are sleeping with her when you know that you have HIV. If she wants to sleep with you when she knows you have it that is her choice, but you must give her the choice it's not fair otherwise.

I am surprised this has not yet been said more explicitly: I can appreciate that you are obviously in turmoil at the moment, but you have a responsibility to talk to anyone you may have given passed it on to, so they can get themselves checked out.

LegacyUser

well i suppose anything is possible, highly unlikely though.

"I got all the symtoms(which you can remember when you get dignosed)"

sounds to me like this guy is just a plain ol cybercondriac.

i appologise if i'm wrong.

thatkindofgirl wrote:

You CAN get it from oral sex -- it's just not as likely.

ANY passing of bodily fluids can transmit the virus.

LundiMardi

paperclip wrote:

well i suppose anything is possible, highly unlikely though.

"I got all the symtoms(which you can remember when you get dignosed)"

sounds to me like this guy is just a plain ol cybercondriac.

i appologise if i'm wrong.

you should apologise, cos that was idiotic to say the least.

You can get it from oral sex:rolleyes:

Blub2k4

keep it on topic folks this is one of the more serious threads on boards, dont turn it into a personal pissing contest.

Beruthiel

paperclip
lundi

keep this thread on topic or there will be bannings
B

LegacyUser

ok, where are you getting your information from?

if your mouths got cuts and sores thats a different story.

LundiMardi wrote:

you should apologise, cos that was idiotic to say the least.

You can get it from oral sex:rolleyes:

Beruthiel, i dont see how you see this as being off topic, the origional poster says he believes he caught it from oral sex, i'm just stating how unlikely this is.

landser

Ungistereeeddd wrote:

, I've only been with her once since I found out but covered up.
Just a few things are going through my mind, should I tell any of my mates or family? I asked them last year "if you got AIDS/HIV would you tell any of your mates" they all said yes, but I dono weather or not to tell them because when I'm out if I was chatting to a nice girl they'd get jealus and turn out "he's got hiv" which truth or no truth would steer them clear.
Its getting me down now at this stage,

sorry for your trouble, but what you are doing is atrocious and criminal. you slept with your partner after you were diagnised and now you're worried that if you tell people you have hiv they may warn other girls... ffs man, you have to tell your partner. Instead of worrying about your future... what about hers, or any other girl you sleep with???

You're worried that if you tell your mates they might tell girls you're chatting up?? it'd be the truth! I would too and judging by the fact that you haven't even told your partner yet, they'd be damned right to tell any girl you were chatting up. jealousy wouldn't be their problem, your reckless behaviour would.

WhiteWashMan

well, i dont think its actually been diagnosed.

its all a bit..... cloudy.

lets have some clarity here.

OP. have you been tested positive by a doctor?

as far as i know, you only get the outward signs of Aids once HIV has developed into AIDS. it would seem a little soon for that.

what is the time line we are talking about here?

LundiMardi

paperclip wrote:

ok, where are you getting your information from?

if your mouths got cuts and sores thats a different story.




Beruthiel, i dont see how you see this as being off topic, the origional poster says he believes he caught it from oral sex, i'm just stating how unlikely this is.

Sorry, just one more comment B.

Paperclip: It's not a question of how likely it is to get it, it's still possible. You stated as fact that you can't get it from oral sex, this is wrong and misleading to people who don't know other wise.

Anyway, OP, tell your friends and family, they will be supportive and help you through this. MOST IMPORTANT is to tell the woman you slept with that you could have passed it on and to make sure you never do such a stupid thing in the future. Until this is done then you're the second priority tbh.

LegacyUser

around 70% of people who have contracted hiv experience flu like symptoms around 2 - 3 weeks after exposure.

but you can't diagnose hiv from symptoms, you need a blood test.

i recon this guy's just convinced himself he's got it.

WhiteWashMan wrote:

as far as i know, you only get the outward signs of Aids once HIV has developed into AIDS. it would seem a little soon for that

LegacyUser

yes, and i then corrected myself in another thread saying that yes, it's possible, but highly unlikely.

LundiMardi wrote:

Sorry, just one more comment B.

Paperclip: It's not a question of how likely it is to get it, it's still possible. You stated as fact that you can't get it from oral sex, this is wrong and misleading to people who don't know other wise.

LegacyUser

Ungistereeeddd wrote:

I've only been with her once since I found out but covered up

Covered up as in wore a condom or covered up as in lied to her?

Weren't you educated? Ever hear of unprotected sex? I guess it's too late now, but ffs getting HIV in this day and age is plain dumb.

Go get counselling & tell your girlfriend NOW, not later, not tomorrow, NOW. Forget about your pride and just TELL HER NOW. Then suggest she goes to get a test.

Talliesin

paperclip wrote:

ok, where are you getting your information from?

if your mouths got cuts and sores thats a different story.

Bleeding gums is the most common dental condition.

paperclip wrote:

Beruthiel, i dont see how you see this as being off topic, the origional poster says he believes he caught it from oral sex, i'm just stating how unlikely this is.

Really, how unlikely is it, pray tell? Given that repeated attempts to ascertain the risk of HIV infection from receptive oral sex have returned widely differing results I'm sure a lot of people would love to be party to your information on the matter.

Oral sex, especially receptive, is generally believed to be safer than vaginal or anal penetration.

Now, whether that reduced risk is acceptable, or whether it can be made acceptable with the use of condoms and dental dams is something for each couple to decide on, but it is not so low that the OPs claims can be dismissed.

OP:

If you are convinced you are infected but have not been tested yet, as some here suspect, you need to get yourself tested ASAP in order to either put your mind at rest or to get yourself sorted out medically as soon as possible.

FranknFurter

OP,

Please know, HIV is not the disease it once was.
I lived with my Ex for 3 years, and he was + and we had a wonderful relationship.

Also, you do not die from HIV, what makes you ill is *if* you develop an ADI (AIDS definning Illness),... so, even if you are HIV+ as long as you stay healthy and take your meds you will be fine for a long time to come.

All these people saying you cannot enjoy a "full" relationship, may be well-intentioned but are not quite correct. As far as sex goes, there are many *safe* options, all it takes is some research and imagination.
But yes, you MUST declare your status to any partner, That, is vital.

I highly recommend you get in touch with a counsellor or group, things were not explained to you properly by the sound of it.

If you ever need to talk, just PM me.

b

EKRIUQ

FranknFurter is your sig a pic of Kemal from Big Brother???

0utshined

It's a picture of FranknFurter.

embee

BingoBongo wrote:

FranknFurter is your sig a pic of Kemal from Big Brother???

Couldn't that have gone in a PM?

Anyway, OP, I can only repeat what other people have said here. You must tell your partner and anyone else that you have had sexual relations with. And I would definitely agree that HIV is not the death sentence that it once was. Stay healthy, take your meds and you should be doing okay for quite some time.

AARRRGH

I would also like to know if the OP has actually gotten tested, or if he is just being paranoid.

And I agree with paperclip, if you read the stats, getting HIV from oral sex is near impossible. However, I am not saying it is impossible.

I sense this guy may just be very paranoid.