Should I or Shouldn't I?

Kermitt

I realise its an age old problem, but i've known a girl for the past 3 years and we're quite good friends. I' however have very strong feelings for her, and have done for at least 2 of these years. Up until recently i was in a relationship of sorts (some people here helped me out of that mess) so i had to suppress these feelings
But now, they have resurfaced.. i know that it is not a knee-jerk infatuation as i have felt this way for a long time.. What i want to ask you is should I make my feelings known or not?
The very thought of her makes me smile and funnily enough, its not really a physical desire, but more of a buzz from being near her.. (Although it helps that she's very pretty too!) She always has time for me and i feel that we could have something.. what to do..???

Thanks in advance - Kermitt

Beruthiel

you already know the answer
or perhaps you prefer years of 'what if...?'

shellby

Beruthiel wrote:

you already know the answer
or perhaps you prefer years of 'what if...?'

i agree do it or she'll always be the one that got away
there was a post like this very recently in fact there were 2 about the same person each went on for about 10 pages and in the end no result
just tell her it would be alot easier than never knowing

BizzyC

Go for it dude.
I'm not saying tell her outright, just take her out and make a move.
I was good friends with my girlfriend for 2 years before we started going out.
As long as shes not one of those female friends that acts more like a sister,
it couls work out.

Baldie

Doit, doit, go on doit..... (Starsky and hutch)


Ya man, go for it.... and good luck....

One question.... Are you still with the girlfriend??

Baldie

Ok sorry! I'll read the post better next time!!


Doit!!

Stabshauptmann

Ladder Theory, posted on this board a week ago, meant as a joke, but you might seriously want to consider it and how it applies to your situation.

Anyway my advise is go out, get drunk, try your luckl and blame the drink in the morning if things dont work

Baldie

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

Anyway my advise is go out, get drunk, try your luckl and blame the drink in the morning if things dont work

I like that plan!! Doit!

jimmytango

personally id tell her!

id prefer to ruin the friendship and try and get her into bed
than
not tell her and have her telll u about some other dude in bed with her

plus if shes as good of a mate as u say she is then it wont matter what u say

BizzyC

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

Anyway my advise is go out, get drunk, try your luckl and blame the drink in the morning if things dont work

Perfect plan. Do it...........

Kell

Beruthiel wrote:

you already know the answer
or perhaps you prefer years of 'what if...?'

You stole my line. God damn you woman. Bah!! :mad:

K-

Eoin Madsen

I told a friend of mine how I felt about her about 5 years ago and I'm still having to cope with the consequences of that. Our friendship is not great, and has always felt to me like it should have been better. Of course I have no way of knowing whether it would have worked out this way anyway, but I'm still left with "what if"s - if I hadn't told her then, maybe we'd be better friends, or maybe I would have got an opportunity to change the way she felt later on. Frankly, the admission never helped me let go or get over it as I hoped it would.*

I'm not saying don't go for it - just take it slowly. A sudden revelation is unlikely to work unless she already knows she feels the same way. I would try and spend more time alone with her. Arrange to go out with just the two of you, cinema, pub, etc (nothing too obvious). If she's always pushing to invite everyone else then you should get a pretty good idea of where she stands quite quickly, allowing you to avoid taking any risks. If that goes well for a while, then you can make it a bit more intimate - invite her for dinner in a restaurant, that kind of thing. Sooner or later the situation should have an obvious direction, or you'll reach the point where you're comfortable enough together that you can talk about it openly.


* The album is forthcoming

Red Alert

Good advice, that's where it had started going with me and my ex, although with a little help from a thread here.

Kermitt

thanks for opinions folks... I'm goin to ask her to cinema or that and take it as it comes.. moving too fast would be a mistake i'm sure. @ Eoin.... I realise i'm taking a big risk with our friendship, but i don't want to end up thinking "if only i said something" down the road.. i've lived with the regret of not saying something before now, and its not pleasant because i think about her every day. I think to myself after reading the replies here, "what if it does work?" and that's worth the risk in my mind.

anthonymcg

Hi, don't post in this section much but my experience may be of use. I knew a girl for about a year before doing the same thing as yourself. I had met her in a place I worked in and had fancied her and all that but never did anything. We became good friends and did the whole cinema thing and going out the odd time. She eventually hooked up with a mate from the job I was in and they had an off/on thing going for a while.

Back in February we went to my best friends wedding in Edinburgh. Of course we both got really drunk and I told her I had feelings for her but that it was only to get it off my chest. She had other stuff going on so I didn't expect anything to happen. When we got back everything was cool and I met her at a night out a while later. She seemed great and looked fantastic. Then she gradually started to drift away. She broke up with the on/off mate of mine and I see him every Friday for football but no more than that.

I rang her about a month ago and she was in the car so said she'd ring me back. Got a text later saying she was delayed and would ring the next day. Call never came and I left a few voicemails but alas she's drifted away. Gut wrenching cos I smiled when I saw her face and she was so easy to talk to.

Sorry, that was more a rant than anything but there may be a lesson in there.

Kermitt

sorry to hear that man. You understand where I am tho.. Hardest part is every time i see her i get all flustered inside, but keep it cool on the outside. and thats tough.. Note I've never used the word 'love' in any of this.. I don't know if thats what this feeling is, but I do know that you cant express that depth of feeling without being with the person for quite a while.
Sorry for rambling, I'm just in a muddle!!

anthonymcg

Yeah I had the flustered thing as well though. Such a tough situation to be in. I always end up there though cos women never think of me from the boyfriend angle. Must be cos I dont treat them like crap.

Kermitt

ha ha...I get that too, have great chats and a good laugh and end up as friends. The price we pay for treating girls with the respect they deserve. Me thinks the lesson is move quicker!

jrey1981

Have been there and still regret not telling a certain someone how much they meant to me when I had a few opportunities to do so when I was with her

You have to go for it as if she says no you are still doing better than had you not have said anything at all, because at least you found out rather than carried on wondering what if...

arbeitsscheuer

Kermitt wrote:

ha ha...I get that too, have great chats and a good laugh and end up as friends. The price we pay for treating girls with the respect they deserve. Me thinks the lesson is move quicker!

Well-summed up. I concur with that. But someone has to take the initiative, and let's face it, it's almost always the bloke who gets the responsibilty to make a move or else lapse into the Friend-Zone.