"I Love You"......

ven0m

Quick question, my girlfriend the other day turned around & told me "she loved me".... didn't know how to respond. I know she wasn't looking for me to say it back, cos she was just letting me know how she felt about me... but I felt a bit of a twat not knowing what to say so instead I got down to business with her .....

question is really - what DO you say when a person says "i love you".... obviously you don't go "cheers/thanks/insert appreciative comment here".... & obviously 9/10 times they're not looking for you to say it back the first time you say it......

mind boggling...... answers preferably not on a postcard


::: ven0mous :::

Kevin_rc_ie

i don't understand why you didnt say "I love you" back. Is it because you don't love her? Then why are you with her then?

shellby

well do you love her?
are you falling in love with her?
i would go with telling her how you feel about her

holly_johnson

That's a really difficult question... there's enormous pressure to say it back and I think credit is due for not saying it "for the sake of saying it".

It's hard to know what the right answer is... something along the lines of "thanks I think you're really special too" or something like that without actually saying the L word is probably best.

ven0m

I really REALLY like being with her, & honestly can see a future with her & I didn't wanna say it back for the sake of saying it. It's three words people fling around without care & without meaning so bloody often & damnit, saying "I love you" to someone should mean something not just as a stop-gap set of words or as a quick & easy means into someone's bed......

Besides - she knows how much I like beign with her, having her around & even soing small stupid simple things with her.....

::: ven0mous :::

BaZmO*

What's the big deal? If you love her just tell her that you love her. If you don't, well then congrats on the deceit and if you don't know just make a joke.

"I Love You"

"Well, I Love Me Too!!"

B.

angeldelight

ven0m wrote:

Besides - she knows how much I like being with her, having her around & even soing small stupid simple things with her.....

Do you tell her that much at least? Don't just presume she knows. And ok you really really like her, but do you love her? Cause if you do you're not just saying it for the sake of it...

Nevyn

Personally I think those words are over used.
You can have really intense feelings or really care about some one but
that does not mean you are in love with them
There are many other better and more personal ways to let some one know
how you feel about them the those 3 words tbh.

Do tell her that seeing her , being with her makes your heart glad your day
so much brighter and all the little ways she effects you and means to you.
That is a much better declaration of how, and what you are feeling ,
then those trite three words.

'I Love .........Lamp'

shellby

do you see yourself falling in love with her?

lordgoat

Thaed wrote:

'I Love .........Lamp'

and here's me thinking you were devoid of humour... now do you really love lamp or are you just saying that??

I also agree about the bandying aroundness of those three words, have a think on it and if you do love her, tell her if not, don't go ' well i don't love you yet but i am really fond of you and you never know'

or you could sing her afternoon delight... Thaed has the lyrics i think...

Kevin_rc_ie

i think popular media has caused a lot of guys to have difficulty saying "i love you".

Mr. Presentable

Hey, you "got down to business with her ....."
That should tell her how you feel

cornbb

ven0m wrote:

I really REALLY like being with her, & honestly can see a future with her & I didn't wanna say it back for the sake of saying it. It's three words people fling around without care & without meaning so bloody often & damnit, saying "I love you" to someone should mean something not just as a stop-gap set of words or as a quick & easy means into someone's bed......

Dude, congratulations. You didn't lie, which would have been the easy way out. If you don't love her you don't love her and shouldn't say you do. If you do and don't mean it, you'll dig yourself in a hole, I've been there.

I was in the same situation a few months ago. i didn't reciprocate what she said. She was upset but in the long run it was fine and she respected the honesty. (we broke up shortly afterwards but still get on fine.)

dragona

spannerhead wrote:

Hey, you "got down to business with her ....."
That should tell her how you feel

I think it means he feels like he likes getting down to business....!!!
My now husband told me he loved me for the first time, not when we were in bed, but when we were eating a plate of pasta!!! Out of the blue and totally unexpected. I took it VERY seriously, seemed more like he meant it than if he had said it just as he was cu**ing....
You have to choose your moment, a bit too easy to say those three words in the throes of passion.

ven0m

angeldelight wrote:

Do you tell her that much at least? Don't just presume she knows. And ok you really really like her, but do you love her? Cause if you do you're not just saying it for the sake of it...

Already done that......

Thaed wrote:

Do tell her that seeing her , being with her makes your heart glad your day
so much brighter and all the little ways she effects you and means to you.
That is a much better declaration of how, and what you are feeling ,
then those trite three words.

done that too.....

deargona wrote:

You have to choose your moment, a bit too easy to say those three words in the throes of passion.

Too damn right - but she said it while we were chilling out on the couch late one evening stone cold sober...... my "way of handling it" & cos I didn't know what to say was to continue kissing her & eventually get some 'hanky panky' underway - LOL

wrote:

shelbydo you see yourself falling in love with her?

I could quite easily.... only been in love with one person ONCE before..... only time I ever said it to a woman & only time I woulda meant it..... don't get me wrong, when my current g/f is not around for a while cos of trips back home to the UK or whatever it sucks [in advance of ppl answering - yes, I do tell her these things!!!!]....

still doesn't answer as to what you say when someone says "I love you"..... c'mon ladies, help a guy out here!!!!!!!! Gimme some insight here!!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

Genghis

The words "I Love You" have a huge significance to them. Sometimes it is taken as being 'forever', a proclamation almost akin to "I want you to marry me", it can also be taken as meaning that the person you said it to is loved above others, or in a way that is more significant than others.

How do you tell someone that you "love them" now, in thesense that you enjoy being with them, that you consider a long-term with them, that it isn't necessarily exclusive and permanent, though nonetheless special and important, and worth saying.

WhiteWashMan

i love you all.

BaZmO*

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i love you all.

Aww, why have you gone and said that? Now you have everybody all embarrassed not knowing how to or whether to reciprocate your outpouring of luurve...

B.

Kell

Sheesh-

what I cant understand is why everyone assumes that the correct answer is "I love you too". FFS each to their own. Ven0m was quite correct in saying nothing if he didnt feel a gazillion percent comfortable in stating that he loved her. His actions probably show it, but just as "I'd rather not talk about it right now" from a *woman translates to "I want to bend your ear for three hours" men more often than not say I love you by showering females with attention, gifts, meals out etc once the "I just want to fúck you" stage is over with.

Ven0m if you are not comfy saying anything, dont and be glad you didnt lie.

K-

*Sweeping generalisation. Does not apply to all.

][cEMAN**

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i love you all.

Even me?

Coconut

Well, a hearfelt thank you isn't so bad. (Heartfelt, as opposed to "Cheers"!) If you consider it an honour that she has said it, why not? When my first boyfriend told me he loved me after two months I was nowhere near ready to tell him the same, but I was really happy that he felt that way about me. So thats what I told him, and that I was heading that direction, but wanted to be really sure that I meant it when I said it.
But I suppose that really only works the first few times she says it to you. Then, once she's sure that you are still just waiting to be sure, she shouldn't be saying it just in the hope that you will reply but so that you will know she does. So you could just say "I know", but only if you say it right - Like you realise its a big deal, and you appreciate being reminded of it.
But hey, if you keep reminding her of how you like spending time with her, doing little things with her, miss her etc, you're a) halfway there, and b) she should be fairly happy with that for now!

Megatron

ven0m wrote:

Quick question, my girlfriend the other day turned around & told me "she loved me".... didn't know how to respond. I know she wasn't looking for me to say it back, cos she was just letting me know how she felt about me... but I felt a bit of a twat not knowing what to say so instead I got down to business with her .....

question is really - what DO you say when a person says "i love you".... obviously you don't go "cheers/thanks/insert appreciative comment here".... & obviously 9/10 times they're not looking for you to say it back the first time you say it......

mind boggling...... answers preferably not on a postcard


::: ven0mous :::

I've been in that situation myself ... and i used a scene from Scrubs to save me ( god bless you televison ;P) . "Bananna Hamock" was all i said, it ended up as a little joke between us. Now i'm along the same lines as your self, i'm not going to say "I Love you too" just for the sake of it, i'll say it if i mean it.

If it is starting to make you feel uncomfertable , and she is saying it almost everyday , then i'd sit down and have a little chat with her about it ... but becareful ... big mine field ahead.

BizzyC

Yeah, in fairness, a lot of people would've been scared into responding in kind.

If you're not ready to say that, then dont.

ven0m

Megatron wrote:

I've been in that situation myself ... and i used a scene from Scrubs to save me ( god bless you televison ;P) . "Bananna Hamock" was all i said, it ended up as a little joke between us. Now i'm along the same lines as your self, i'm not going to say "I Love you too" just for the sake of it, i'll say it if i mean it.

If it is starting to make you feel uncomfertable , and she is saying it almost everyday , then i'd sit down and have a little chat with her about it ... but becareful ... big mine field ahead.

She knows the 'banana hammock' thing LOL, & it too is a usual joke between us..... said... I'm not uncomfortable with her having said it to me at all..... she's a very honest woman & I'm glad she felt it was cool enough to say knowing I wasn't gonna run a mile....... think alot of women worry about that....

::: ven0mous :::

stagolee

say "i love you too" and then after a pause "well i liked their early stuff anyway, but it all went downhill around achtung baby"

LegacyUser

Personally i reckon anyone that says they are afraid to use those words is a bit mad in the head.

I love the trees the frass the birds and about 3 people in my world, love shouldnbt be tested or have to live up to standards love is different for everybody because everybody is different.

you cant tell someone else that they are or arent in love unless of course you are Rikki Lake or some other sh1t stirrer like that-

for those of you who think you are helping and are some sort of authority on the issue- you are and forever will be wrong until you realize love comes in all shapes and sizes and i'm not just talking avbout the people in love

and for you OP i think you are right for not saying it if you dont feel it. But because they are special words i wouldnt be afraid of saying them!! You do whats right for you, if i have advice it would be. Go with what you feel for the person and sooner or later you will reveal to yourself whether or not you are in love.

And enjoy it if it is, and if its not, enjoy that too(without hurting the other person)

Talliesin

Anony Mass wrote:

Personally i reckon anyone that says they are afraid to use those words is a bit mad in the head.

Why?

I love several people.

I have been in love; had erotic, romantic love for two people in the course of my life, one a lover of a few months and one my ex-wife who I shared most of my adult life with. I love my children. I love my dear friends. I experience agape - the love for ones fellow men and women. I have love for my gods, love for the rain on a hot day and the wind when it howls.

Who and what I love can bring me great joy and great pain. And they do. I enjoy their company immensely, I worry about them a lot, I share their pain and their upsets and their triumphs. Knowing they love me I know I bring them both joy and pain also.

When I tell people I love them, I tell them they have this capability, have this power over me whether they want it or not. I tell them I trust them with it, that I am giving it to them because I trust them and that I trust them because I love them. I let them into my space, emotionally and physically I let them get near to me. There's a reason "perfect love and perfect trust" were the two passwords to a Wiccan circle, why they both go together. There's a reason why they still are - they're long since not secret, but that doesn't make either of them just come about.

If that love and trust is betrayed it stabs. If that love whithers when no one is really to blame it bruises. When that love is not enough to stop the beloved from doing something hurtful it stings.

Why not be afraid to use those words, to let someone know this? If the words are not a lie they admit to much, open much, leave much exposed. Why not spend a long time unsure yourself if that is really what you feel about someone, why admit easily that someone affects you in this way?

ARGINITE

Just let her know that your not able to tell her yet, but that those not mean that wont fall in love with her.
She should understand.

azezil

If you'd asked me 3 weeks ago I'd have said, hell no, nothing something you just throw around... however I told my current boyfriend I love him after 4 days, as did he. When ya know, ya know

Winters

Er, if you really do love her then do tell her. She will like to hear it.

Or else just tell her you love ice cream.

LizardKing

Just quote Han Solo and say " I Know !"

jimmycrackcorm

The correct answer is "If you love me you'll give me a blow job"

ven0m

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

The correct answer is "If you love me you'll give me a blow job"

I'm blessed with a woman who never needs telling.....


::: ven0mous :::

yossarin

after 7 years with my girlfriend i response to it with: "thats nice.thanks very much"

simu

Don't say it unless you mean it. I've been cornered into saying it once in the past - bad idea. It gets to be a real pain.

Kevin_rc_ie

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

i don't understand why you didnt say "I love you" back. Is it because you don't love her? Then why are you with her then?

not neccessarily. Its a commitment the same as marriage to say to someone you love them. Your either ready for it or not. Just because you dont feel ready to say it doesnt say your in it for the fun of it. it takes time to evaluate how you feel about someone.

BEAT

well venom, glad to see you havnt been around CW for a good reason
I knew you'd move on.
you can love someone and not be in love with them, make sure they know the difference when your saying it

dragona

yossarin wrote:

after 7 years with my girlfriend i response to it with: "thats nice.thanks very much"

Crumbs - 7 YEARS????? Seven years with someone, and you don't feel strongly enough to say you love her? Very very odd. Has she ever asked you outright to say if you do or not?

After 7 years you think you 'd know whether you loved someone or not - if you do why not say it, it would make her feel great, and if you don't what on earth are you still together for????

CathyMoran

Personally I think that the words "I love you" are overused. Certainly I say to my brother and parents that I love them every day but in the context of relationships it is far better to say them when they are really meant. When I was younger those words were easier to say so it was easy to loose sight of what they really mean, then I fell in love and I knew the difference between loving someone as a friend and being in love. Now when I say them I get a lump in my throat but I mean it from my heart - if I say it to someone and they do not say it back I respect them for that decision and similarly if they say it and I do not respond I hope that they will not take offense. So, to OP I do think that you should only utter those words when you mean them.

DAEDULUS

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

i don't understand why you didnt say "I love you" back. Is it because you don't love her? Then why are you with her then?

Maybe because he wants access to sex? Are you saying he shouldnt go out with this girl because he doesnt love her? Thats just silly,if you were going out with a super hot model..would you actually say to her if she told you she loved you,'I'm sorry,I dont love you - we cant be together' hell no!,maybe if she did your head in but whats the harm in a relationship that you know isnt going to last years...99% of relationships are like that anyway...

neadla

I think the fact that you got down to business with her, gives her the message that you love her too. i could be wrong, but I doubt it. How has she been with you after that episode? I think if you love her too, it's good for you, but I think you're just a little confused at the moment. Guys have a tough time dealing with their emotions, girls on the other hand find it easier.

Hope you two work it out,

neadla

melekalikimaka

same happened to me a week ago, luckily shes away for the summer and said it over the phone...the ol 'we'll talk when ya get back' line saved me

Mr.Nice Guy

Her: "I love you."

You: "I know."

Always trust in Star Wars.

Chick

neadla wrote:

I think the fact that you got down to business with her, gives her the message that you love her too.

True but she's probably going to start to wonder if every time she says it and you just jump her! You really, honestly did do the best thing though by not lying to her just for the sake of saying something back, because that hurts.

Consequently, how long have people been in relationships before telling someone, or being told "I love you"?

Best of luck, hope it works out alright

yossarin

dragona wrote:

After 7 years you think you 'd know whether you loved someone or not - if you do why not say it, it would make her feel great, and if you don't what on earth are you still together for????

we're both masochists. we love it!