Does flirting mean anything

jothee

I'm curious to know peoples thoughts on this. I've always have a hard time being sure a girl likes me, as so much of the hints she might be giving I tend to file under the "harmless flirting" category.

I realise alot of it really depends on the person. Speaking for myself (though I'm no expert) I can't say I've ever flirted with someone i didn't find attractive in someway. Most of the time I use flirting to give the hint that I'm interested. Problem is I never know if the response i receive is a green light (she's interested too) or simply amber (harmless flirting). Red is fairly easy however

I know alot of people tend to view flirting as meaningless and harmless, but if that were really true then no one would have a problem with their spouse/partner doing it in front of them. Which certainly isn't the case

Anyway please discuss.

Beruthiel

jothee
what exactly is that you wish to know?
is this a PI for you?
B

Gilgamesh

jothee wrote:

Anyway please discuss.

why should we?
I mean, is this a thing you are having problems with in experience, or why do you ask?
think it should be moved to AH.

imo, how serious flirting is depends on the situation, if the person is involved with someone, if they are on the lookout, it is to broad of a topic to say for sure what goes through someones head when they flirt.

jothee

Sorry yes it is a PI. As there often is, there is a girl that I'm interested in at the moment. We get along well and we flirt alot. I keep waiting for the sign that she is interested too, so i can ask her out or whatever. But when girls flirt with me i always tend to view it as just harmless fun for them. So i don't know if she's giving a sign that she likes me or not.

this is an ongoing problem i have which has made getting girlfriends difficult. I don't know, maybe its just a confidence problem. I just wanted to know how others view flirting. do they take it as a sign of interest or just a bit of fun, not to be taken too seriously, etc

Cretzing

people who say it's only fun are those not willing to admit the truth behind their flirting. i say flirting is a method of showing interest in someone that you are attracted to. end of.

jcoote

blokes minds are constantly searchin for a female\mother figure so flirting to us is a serious thing because it is kinda a mating call if u like...

women are more independent of men at this stage imo and they don't need to chase us like we do them...

u seem to be afraid of rejection and thats might be whats holding u back...

ask a girl out and see what happens

Beruthiel

jothee wrote:

there is a girl that I'm interested in at the moment. We get along well and we flirt alot. I keep waiting for the sign that she is interested too, so i can ask her out or whatever

what sort of sign?
what else has she to do exactly?
if you are interested in her, ask her out, simple as.
what age are you?

Gilgamesh

tbh, I would say you are just scared of been rejected by the other side.
take a risk every now and then, or you will never know where you are.
the worst thing they can do is say 'No' or something around that motion.
you said you are interested in someone and have been constantly flrting with her.
Take her out or just ask her out on a date, latest at that question you will know where you are in life.

Good Luck

SparkyLarks

Flirting is a way to test to see if the other person is interested. Normally that is

So she probably is interested.
You can tell fro bodylanguage, when she'ss talking to you are her arms crossed or open??
loads more signs too look for.

ye obviously get on. Go for it, what's the worst that can happen. Nothing worse thatn looking back thing If I'd only......

jothee

thanks for the replies everyone.

afraid of rejection? oh absolutely. but i think everyone is to some degree. I don't think it holds me back as much as it used to however.

asking her out isn't the problem really. I'm 19 and i've asked girls out before. I've got her number and i could ask her out right now if i wanted. the thing is this girl lives fairly close to me, we know alot of the same people, i see her an awful lot as we both go to the same college. So if i ask her out and she says no, there is gonna a be alot of awkwardness. For both of us. I don't want her to start avoiding me.

I guess i just want to be sure before making a fool of myself.

Beruthiel wrote:

what sort of sign?
what else has she to do exactly?

lol. good question. i guess the flirting is enough, i'm just afraid of reading too much into it.

Khannie

jothee wrote:

I keep waiting for the sign that she is interested too, so i can ask her out or whatever.

You'll be left waiting. Just look at the other thread like this one.

Just "almost snog" the lady at the next opportunity. By this I mean, get close enough that you both know that it's on the cards....gently touch her face with your hand (face touching is very rarely done, but can be put down to "fixing hair" or whatever if the need to back the hell out of there) for example, or do that "nearly kiss" thing, you know where your faces are really close and there's that little pause just before you actually kiss someone for the first time, it's also possible (though difficult) to back out of this if the need arises.

You'll know immediately if it's a go-er anyway (which it probably is by the sound of things).

It really is the only test if you're having ongoing flirting IMO.

Gilgamesh

my funal advise would be on the 'what if' side of things (which I personally despise, but it can explain things to people and maybe even give them extra courage to do something)

what if she suddenly starts seeing someone else?
if you don't ask, I will garantee, you will be kicking yourself with that question if that could have been you.

It is mentally a more crushing blow for the psyche, if you don't risk something in life where you would have a chance at succeeding, than not trying it at all and regretting it in the future.

keep that in mind and call her ffs and go out and enjoy yourself.

if not, PM me a picture of her and her mobile number and I will call her (unless she is under 18 ;-) )

Victor

jothee wrote:

Problem is I never know if the response i receive is a green light (she's interested too) or simply amber (harmless flirting). Red is fairly easy however

Then keep going with the flirting until you think your getting an amber. Next time go through a few more greens and see how you get on.

Khannie wrote:

Just "almost snog" the lady at the next opportunity.

This may not work on the girl in the corner shop at lunchtime.

cuckoo

girl's POV:

a lot of the time if i'm flirting it is at the amber stage, but open to having the status changed to green if the guy flirts back.

so, to the OP, flirt and see what happens. like you said, you'll know pretty quickly if the red light flicks into life.

shakaman

Here's a question....if you're flirting with a girl and it goes well and instead of just walkin away you take her number but don't actually act on it and never intend actin on it is it doin the dirt - if you have a girlfriend?

Eoin Madsen

Imo, "doing the dirt" and "girlfriend" are very vague terms for things which are in truth different for all people. A relationship with someone shouldn't be dictated or defined by social norms, it should be unique. It doesn't matter how people in general perceive that scenario, how do you perceive it? And how would you feel if your girlfriend flirted with someone and got their number?

shakaman

Eoin Madsen wrote:

Imo, "doing the dirt" and "girlfriend" are very vague terms for things which are in truth different for all people. A relationship with someone shouldn't be dictated or defined by social norms, it should be unique. It doesn't matter how people in general perceive that scenario, how do you perceive it? And how would you feel if your girlfriend flirted with someone and got their number?

I have considered this and if she told me it was harmless I would believe her.

Kell

shakaman wrote:

Here's a question....if you're flirting with a girl and it goes well and instead of just walkin away you take her number but don't actually act on it and never intend actin on it is it doin the dirt - if you have a girlfriend?

No it does not. Its nice to remind yourself that you are still a functioning male/female and that you can flirt etc.

Jeez- the things people worry about.

K-

Eoin Madsen

shakaman wrote:

I have considered this and if she told me it was harmless I would believe her.

That seems quite healthy. Hopefully she would trust you the same way.

Personally, I don't really understand why it's an issue. If I was in a happy relationship I wouldn't particularly enjoy flirting with someone else and taking their number. And even if I did, I think I'd feel quite guilty for leading them on. But that's just me.