First glance. First Chance.

Gross Halfwit

He had to hear her voice. He had been looking at her longingly for the better
part of an hour. She didn’t notice the lovesick puppy leaning on a stack of
paint tins not 20 feet from her. ‘How could she not notice me’ he thought. He
had never been insecure before but looking at her he knew she was way out of his league. More like out of his universe. She may have been only working a
till in a hardware store but man did she make it a spectator sport. Not in a
lewd way or anything. She was very pretty. He knew that she was tall, taller than him, which made him a little uneasy but he got past that fast. She was statuesque with cascading black hair that framed her pale skin and gave her a haunting glow. She had big brown bright eyes that seemed to take everything in bar him. As much as he wanted to be noticed by her he wanted to remain anonymous. He was afraid. He liked her. He had liked her from the first moment he saw her.

His mind fell back to two weeks ago when she first started work. It was an unusually warm day in March. The sun was pouring in every window in the huge warehouse like building covering everything in a gold. As beautiful as it was there was no escape from its burning rays. Steve didn’t like the heat; he was more of a winter person. He was out the back in the garden centre area fanning him with a clipboard when he first laid eyes on her. The sun glinted off her raven black hair creating a halo of light that mesmerized him. She moved gracefully between the flowers. It was like something out of a dream he thought. A smirk played across his lips as he followed her with his eyes. Some may think he was a peeping tom but he wasn’t looking at her in a perverted way. He looked at her with the eyes of an art student visiting the Louvre for the first time.

“How much is this?” He was dragged kicking and screaming to reality.
“Excuse me young man! How much is this?!” The haggard elderly voice rasped at him.
“Ehh.Uhh. I don’t know” came the confused response. “Ask up at the desk, they can tell you.”
“Huh, always the same in these places…” her voice trailed off as she made her
way towards the information desk with her paintbrush worth exactly one ninety-nine.
Jack rolled his eyes far back in his head and cursed quietly to himself. He
then turned his attention back to his work of art, his “Mona Lisa” but she was
gone. How could she just vanish like that? Where did she go? Fear gripped him
as he realised she was on the loose. She could be anywhere in the store. He
could bump into her randomly and have to talk to her. He wasn’t prepared. He
had to run.

His eyes darted from left to right as he made his way briskly towards the rear
of the store and his sanctuary. The garden centre or G.C. as it was more commonly known amongst his peers. His heart was pounding a hole in his chest. His forehead was pumping out sweat like it was a sinking ship bailing out water. Where did she go? He walked with determination and speed in he hopes that any customers would avoid stopping him. He couldn’t afford the delay he had regrouping to do. He was nearly home free when a soft unaccented voice called his name.

“Jack!” His heart stopped. He knew this would happen to him. He knew he would have his first encounter with her when he was unprepared. Unprepared and sweaty. His brow furrowed as he turned on his heels to face her. The 'divine' one. He forced a smile out of his worried expression. She returned the pleasantry with even more enthusiasm. His heart started again. She had such warm smile. He had never seen it up close before and he enjoyed basking in its glow. Her lips moved. He was sure she said something but he couldn’t for the life of him think what. His eyes squinted in incomprehension. It dawned on him that he was just standing there as goofy as the cartoon character gawking at her.

“I’m sorry come again” he managed to stutter.
She gave him an awkward glance and repeated “Can you help me with this?”
How could he refuse! The girl of his dreams, literally, just asked him for help
there was no way in hell that he was going to say no. “Sure!” he exclaimed taking a few steps forward. “How can I be of assistance?” His usual customer relation’s shtick.
“Could you hold this?” she inquired pointing to a large eight-foot sheet of
plywood standing up on its end in its alcove. “I just need to check the price
and it’s in the way,” she continued.
“No problemo” he replied trying to sound as cool as he could which wasn’t very.

He ushered her out of the way confidently like he was the world’s strongest
man and took up position in front of the plank. He cracked his knuckles while
looking over his shoulder at her, the corners of his mouth drawn down in true
tough guy DeNiro fashion. He began to posture like he was about to lift a car
or pull the door off of a bank vault. He was really hamming it up. He heard
her gentle laugh flow from her like the music from a harp. He was becoming even more smitten with each passing moment in her presence.

He eventually engaged the sheet of wood and hoisted it high into he air. Shimmying to the left he removed the piece of plywood from her way. She thanked him and proceeded to jot down the price and its corresponding serial number. When she had finished she thanked him again and left. He could only muster an “any time” and a casual “see you later” as she walked away. Her perfume still lingered in the air. He drank in a lung full before placing he wood back with relative ease. He smiled to himself. He felt he did well for that first time awkward encounter with Aoife. He made her laugh and he was helpful. He breathed deeply and sighed happily as he continued towards the back. They had finally spoken.

the raven

She was very pretty

no offense bud, but when i read this i decided not to read anymore...

that there is meant to be constructive criticism, not a testament to my over-bearing arrogance and natural judgemental nature...

the raven

apologies, this does deserve another post:
just realise i said "natural judgemental nature"... :rolleyes:

Blush_01

I really enjoyed parts of that. Ok, well I enjoyed all of it, but I really enjoyed bits of it. One problem I did find was punctuation - I like it, and I thought there could have been a little more of it to direct the reader to your way of thinking. But that's a personal thing. (Duh me, that's what opinions are, sorry about that one!)

You took a very overdone topic and made it palatable. You also had some pretty good lines in there.

"His forehead was pumping out sweat like it was a sinking ship bailing out water." <-- I love it!

There are some overdone bits too... as in cliché overdone. I had said that I enjoyed it again here, but I decided to edit it, because, keeping in line with today's IQ, I realised too late I had already said that. I'm turning into a guy I work with. I do apologise.

Gross Halfwit

Blush_01 wrote:

I really enjoyed parts of that. Ok, well I enjoyed all of it, but I really enjoyed bits of it. One problem I did find was punctuation - I like it, and I thought there could have been a little more of it to direct the reader to your way of thinking. But that's a personal thing. (Duh me, that's what opinions are, sorry about that one!)

You took a very overdone topic and made it palatable. You also had some pretty good lines in there.

"His forehead was pumping out sweat like it was a sinking ship bailing out water." <-- I love it!

There are some overdone bits too... as in cliché overdone. I had said that I enjoyed it again here, but I decided to edit it, because, keeping in line with today's IQ, I realised too late I had already said that. I'm turning into a guy I work with. I do apologise.

Thank you Blush. I appreciate your input. I have always been bad a punctuation. I used to write stories without one single full stop, just lots of ands. The thing is I wrote that in work so I couldnt concentrate on punctuation or form too much.