Aversion towards flirting

spooiirt!!

I personally cannot approach a girl in a club/ Bar, cos i always feel like a Horny, desperate loser. Not to mention it all feels sleazy, when you start hitting on a girl. If i start to talk to a girl for some reason, maybe ill try something if i get good vibes, but otherwise i try to be respectfully distant.

I dont like the idea of being just another guy whose life revolves around " Birds, sports and motors". Guys like that are utter scum to me. ( although i seem to spend half my time at in the gym or going clubbing).
Whenever i see a hot girl, i deliberately avoid eye contact.

I guess i just dont like how it seems that fellas are always desperate, chasing girls, thinking only about pulling when they go out.

Now, i sometimes do all of the above that i say i dislike. Thats usually the result of a lot of drinking.

Kiera

How about friends of friends? I dont think i've ever met a guy more than twice after meeting him in a bar.

Baldie

Ya, most of the girls I've met have been friends of friends. that's how I met my current girlfriend.... and i'm very happy..

It usually happens when one of the lads rings you and ye go for a few pints to relax and have a laugh, rather then go "pulling"....

Kiera

Baldie wrote:

Ya, most of the girls I've met have been friends of friends. that's how I met my current girlfriend.... and i'm very happy..

It usually happens when one of the lads rings you and ye go for a few pints to relax and have a laugh, rather then go "pulling"....

That’s exactly it!!! Well said

Baldie

Women know when you're on the pull.... It's like you let off some smell or something....

When I met my girlfriend, I didn't shave , and I had a crappy old top on me that I just threw on.... It must be my looks.....

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you take up smoking it's easier to talk to them outside

Victor

Try building up some confidence by talking to girls in non-chat up situations.

spooiirt!! wrote:

Whenever i see a hot girl, i deliberately avoid eye contact.

Even hawt people feel rejection.

Femelade

ya every guy i met has been friends of friends, or people i know with ages, but just never actually talked properly before only to find out we had alot of common.
i dont think "chatting up" is done that often anymore - or even "going on the pull" isnt something i'd recomend if u want to meet some1.

Riamfada

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

If you take up smoking it's easier to talk to them outside

The most sociable place on a night out is outside if you ask me. And at least you have somthing to talk about.

Hint: Never bring a lighter out with you. Get some hot mama to donate hers?

Laguna

Take it easy big guy, I personally think clubs are awful places to meet girls anyway as people (both girls & lads) are in auto-defense mode in case lecherous/freak types are on the prowl. Someone else on here said friends of friends, now that's always a winner (I think?).

Gross Halfwit

Grimes wrote:

The most sociable place on a night out is outside if you ask me. And at least you have somthing to talk about.

Hint: Never bring a lighter out with you. Get some hot mama to donate hers?

I disagree! Always bring a lighter with you. A zippo if you can manage it, just in case a gorgeous chick needs a light. You can always just pretend you dont have it if you see a girl you like with one. You dig?

gom

OP, you should have no shame in flirting. Flirting is a special type of communication that too many people are ashamed to engage in.
'Chatting-up' is a different matter that almost never works unless one or both of the hopefuls are complete morons.
By flirting I mean eye contact, smiling and maybe an off the cuff honest comment like:

"I saw you on the dancefloor in there and your an incredible dancer"

I've never even tried to chat someone up in my life. Its a waste of time and its disrepectful. I do however flirt frequently. Its fun and it gives you a level of intamacy with people and sexual energy about your conversation. Even if nothing happens you make someone feel good and by doing so you should feel pretty good about yourself.

The Smoking Ban has created a whole new bar/restraunt culture in Ireland. You now have these jam-packed Beer gardens and smoking areas. Some people go out and come back in straight away(especially in the winter). They go out alone and get talking to strangers. Hit it off and continue inside.

Friend-of-a-friend is also probably up there with Weddings as means to meet people for relationships. Although if things break down sometimes the friend-of-a-friend thing can lead to some divided loyalties.

Basically I'm saying to you that you should not be ashamed for overtly making eye contact, smiling and being an honest and kind gentlemen. No need for chatting-up. Just some plain respect and at the same time take a bit of a chance.

Warning: Some strangers do not take nicely to honest, sincere comments of a light hearted nature and treat them equally to similar weird comments from strangers/stalkers like "I love you". This is completely disproportionate and be prepared to meet these people.

Next time you see a hot girl that you would love to get to know better but are worried about teh whole 'chatting up thing', go up to her and introduce yourself. Make small talk of interest. Offer her a coffee/ciggerette/drink. Complement her and away you go.

magpie

i seem to spend half my time at in the gym or going clubbing

Hmm, do you also have an interest in interior design?

I saw you on the dancefloor in there and your an incredible dancer

Why not just say "nice tits" while you're at it?

Gross Halfwit

magpie wrote:

Hmm, do you also have an interest in interior design?



Why not just say "nice tits" while you're at it?

Ha! V. Good.

ven0m

spooiirt!! wrote:

I dont like the idea of being just another guy whose life revolves around " Birds, sports and motors". Guys like that are utter scum to me.

Someone's on their high horse aren't they???? Is the view good from up there???

Tip for you here - the "guys you see chasing" are the guys who get the girls because women can see the confidence.... WOMEN LIKE GUYS WHO ARE CONFIDENT!!!!!

Now, once you've come down out of the saddle, unpack your balls, have a look around, whip the rod out & go fishing my friend


::: ven0mous :::

spooiirt!!

ven0m wrote:

Someone's on their high horse aren't they???? Is the view good from up there???

::: ven0mous :::

I guess youre right, that was a bit of an antisocial comment on my part.


"Tip for you here - the "guys you see chasing" are the guys who get the girls because women can see the confidence.... WOMEN LIKE GUYS WHO ARE CONFIDENT!!!!!"

Hm i suppose i didnt articulate mayself properly. Its not a confidence issue, if i wanted to go up to a girl and try pull her, i would. But the whole process seems so sleazy to me. I always feel like just another horny scumbag when i try it. Which i suppose i am.

Attempt at expressing myself #2 :
I guess i just have issues with the fact that all (night) life revolves around scoring. It seems that it all (Dancing etc) is just all there in an attempt to score. Which seems pathetic to me.

Guess the solution is for me not to go clubbing anymore. But there aint much else to do on a friday night.

koneko

Then don't think of it as "going up to a bird and pulling her", because that phrasing isn't particularly nice. Girls are people too, they're not items you pick up in the supermarket. Think of it as meeting new people, connecting with them, and maybe making friends or more. Just don't use sleazy pickup lines. Make eye contact, talk to people, etc.

Clubbing isn't a great way to meet nice people though tbh, it's a bit of a meatmarket.

ven0m

spooiirt!! wrote:

But the whole process seems so sleazy to me. I always feel like just another horny scumbag when i try it. Which i suppose i am.

Attempt at expressing myself #2 :
I guess i just have issues with the fact that all (night) life revolves around scoring. It seems that it all (Dancing etc) is just all there in an attempt to score. Which seems pathetic to me.

Guess the solution is for me not to go clubbing anymore. But there aint much else to do on a friday night.

It's not sleazy at all mate..... look. Bottom line here really is DO NOT go out looking to "score", go out to "have fun". If you're out havign fun, NOT focussing on getting your 'leg over', you'll invariably end up for some reason partying with some woman, you'll get talking & whatever happens happens.... thing is NOt to over think it, over-work it, or "try"..... women can smell desperation as well as they can smell your b.o. .....

"dancing" for women is just that... for guys it's almost an unconscious mating ritual thing..... women like men to "have a bit of balls" & to "be up for a laugh" first & foremost. So if you're out, having fun, you casually chat to some woman without coming across as "yeah ahuh yeah now lemme into those panties!!!", yo'll do fine....

You're not the first guy to think like that & most certainly not the last.... just relax & remember it's all a bit of fun.....


::: ven0mous :::

Pink Bunny

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

If you take up smoking it's easier to talk to them outside

So true! You have no idea how much easier the smoking ban has made it to meet people. That's the first place I go and I don't even smoke

Victor

magpie wrote:

Why not just say "nice tits" while you're at it?

Euphamism? Innuendo? Tennis? By holding back just a little, keeps people interested.

Which do you find more exciting (a) someone getting undressed (b) someone undressed?

The difference between flirting and "chatting-up" is expectation.

magpie

Indeed. I was being sarcastic, as saying "I've been watching you dance and you're deadly" translates as "I've been ogling you for ages and intend doing the nasty with you later if at all possible".

deimos

Pink Bunny wrote:

So true! You have no idea how much easier the smoking ban has made it to meet people. That's the first place I go and I don't even smoke

I never really consciously realised what opportunities the smoking ban has opened up for me... I assumed it to be bad because I smoke, maybe not so much anymore

Selik

spooiirt!! wrote:

Attempt at expressing myself #2 :
I guess i just have issues with the fact that all (night) life revolves around scoring. It seems that it all (Dancing etc) is just all there in an attempt to score. Which seems pathetic to me.

Guess the solution is for me not to go clubbing anymore. But there aint much else to do on a friday night.

Slightly off-topic but you obviously aren't going to any "real" clubs if this is always the case as you see it.

Kevin_rc_ie

yeah cos real clubs are obviously about drug taking.

Selik

deimos wrote:

I never really consciously realised what opportunities the smoking ban has opened up for me... I assumed it to be bad because I smoke, maybe not so much anymore

It's funny the way these things turn out isn't it? In many ways it's now MORE difficult to give up because of the fact that smoking gives one an oppurtunity when one's out and about to go outside/beergarden to talk/flirt/oogle with the opposite sex! From what I remember of Dublin before I left in April half the time it was more fun outside anyway!!!

Selik

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

yeah cos real clubs are obviously about drug taking.

No it's about the music. Sure drugs are part n parcel of such clubs that's inevitable and unavoidable but what goes on in these places is far preferable to some of the drunken (and often violent) antics that go on in your average lowest common denominator "nightclubs".

azezil

spooiirt!! wrote:

I personally cannot approach a girl in a club/ Bar, cos i always feel like a Horny, desperate loser. Not to mention it all feels sleazy, when you start hitting on a girl. If i start to talk to a girl for some reason, maybe ill try something if i get good vibes, but otherwise i try to be respectfully distant.

I dont like the idea of being just another guy whose life revolves around " Birds, sports and motors". Guys like that are utter scum to me. ( although i seem to spend half my time at in the gym or going clubbing).
Whenever i see a hot girl, i deliberately avoid eye contact.

I guess i just dont like how it seems that fellas are always desperate, chasing girls, thinking only about pulling when they go out.

Now, i sometimes do all of the above that i say i dislike. Thats usually the result of a lot of drinking.

That sounds so like me before I could accept the fact I'm gay.