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Want her back, but still hurt.

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  • 21-07-2005 12:34pm
    #1
    Dathai
    Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭


    I've just recently broken up with my girlfirend, we were going out for nine months, and she broke up with me on our 9 months(it was a sunday also, and a sunday when we got together,kinda meant something to me).
    I asked her to come to my place there last week or so just to stay the night and head off to the park for a relaxing day,maybe bring the dog for a bit of fun.She promised me for several days that she would come over.As I come over the night before, I dont bring any clothes or anything as I expect to go back to mine with her.
    As I walk in she says "ehh, where's your stuff?", turns out her mam got her something and she wanted me to help her with it.And totally blew me off, didnt come over at all.I let it go.Then I stayed, and she said she had to help clean in her mams work on the friday(this was thursday evening) as I left the apartments with her, she seemed really distant, I knew something was up, but I didnt question it, I just gave her a hug,a kiss and asked her to let me know if she would be in work or not on friday.
    Friday morning came, I checked my phone, still no text to say she was in work, I figured shed text me at lunch, I waited and waited, and finnally at around 1pm she text me saying what time should would I be over at.I was like "wtf?", I had made plans to help my mother with some stuff in town, and I had waited for the gf to suggest coming over to me, yet she didnt.We then got into a BIG argument like we always do.
    Then, that evening around 8 or so, I thought Id text her to see how she was, she was very short with me, and quite mean to me.She ended the evening by saying "Hope that helps you sleep tonight, Im gonna stop talking to you now, and I dont want you to talk to me until I talk to you"
    Then the next day I seen her in town, she ignored me.Then I texted her that evening apolagising for friday evening, she never text me back.Then sunday morning came, I spoke with her on msn, she told me to call her, she broke up with me.
    She said that we were both too young for such a serious relationship, and that she wanted to be free and care free and not be in so many arguments.She wanted other people, she wanted her friends.
    She said that she couldnt hang out with her friends because of me, yet, I never ONCE said anything or tried to stop her hanging out with her friends.She chose to hang out with me, she could have hung out with them if she wanted to, she didnt have to break up with me to see them.
    The thing is, I still want to be with her, I met up with her on tuesday to get my stuff back and I said Id always be there as a friend to her, I hugged her many times, it was quite overwhelming it seems for her and for myself.I told her that in a years time or whatever, if she is not with anyone, or when she wants to be with me, Ill be there.
    Ive done ALOT of stuff for this girl, I looked after her when she was sick, I carried her to her apartments when she almost passed out,I was there for her in alot of other bad times.But in all fairness I caused alot of pain to her, and I have said I am/was sorry for that, but sorry has lost all meaning at this point now.

    What I want to know is, I know this will be just based upon opinion, but, Id still like to know, do you think I should ever get back with her, if there is a chance?


Comments

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    #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Dathai wrote:
    do you think I should ever get back with her, if there is a chance?

    none of us can answer that for you, nor would you listen if we did
    however
    imo, when it's over, it's over.
    getting on with your own life = short term pain.
    dragging it out and wondering = long term pain


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    #3
    Gross Halfwit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 451 ✭✭Gross Halfwit


    Ive been there mate but the best thing to do is just let her go. I wont go on and on like I usually do but there is a lot of hurt there on both sides. this hurt would only well up and end up destroying you down the line if you two ever did get back together. I realise your feelings for her are really strong right now but they will fade. She wants to be single. Im guessing that her friends are all single. She probably misses hanging out with them as a single girl herself. You know?

    Let her go.


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    #4
    Bluetonic
    Registered Users Posts: 7,588 ✭✭✭Bluetonic


    Dathai wrote:
    We then got into a BIG argument like we always do.

    Move on chief, chalk it down to one of life's great experiences and adventures.

    As Bill Hicks said .....The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..."


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    #5
    Einstein
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Einstein


    Theres nothing worse than that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when that happens. Best thing you can do is hang out with your friends, and don't contact her at all. you are pretty young, no doubt, but it doesn't stop how you feel.
    As Beruthiel said in response to your question, nobody can answer that except you.
    FWIW, I was in a similar situation when i was 16, was with somene for 5 months, absolutley MAD about the girl, but she dumped me on New years day (nice!). couple months later we got back together, but it wasn't the same, and we just went our separate ways after a week or two.
    So time is the best thing right now. Keep busy with hobbies, mates, whatever you do to keep busy, and things will get better!

    Take it easy ;)

    D...


  • Options
    #6
    WhiteWashMan
    Registered Users Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    Dathai wrote:
    I've just recently broken up with my girlfirend, we were going out for nine months, and she broke up with me on our 9 months(it was a sunday also, and a sunday when we got together,kinda meant something to me).
    I asked her to come to my place there last week or so just to stay the night and head off to the park for a relaxing day,maybe bring the dog for a bit of fun.She promised me for several days that she would come over.As I come over the night before, I dont bring any clothes or anything as I expect to go back to mine with her.
    As I walk in she says "ehh, where's your stuff?", turns out her mam got her something and she wanted me to help her with it.And totally blew me off, didnt come over at all.I let it go.Then I stayed, and she said she had to help clean in her mams work on the friday(this was thursday evening) as I left the apartments with her, she seemed really distant, I knew something was up, but I didnt question it, I just gave her a hug,a kiss and asked her to let me know if she would be in work or not on friday.
    Friday morning came, I checked my phone, still no text to say she was in work, I figured shed text me at lunch, I waited and waited, and finnally at around 1pm she text me saying what time should would I be over at.I was like "wtf?", I had made plans to help my mother with some stuff in town, and I had waited for the gf to suggest coming over to me, yet she didnt.We then got into a BIG argument like we always do.
    Then, that evening around 8 or so, I thought Id text her to see how she was, she was very short with me, and quite mean to me.She ended the evening by saying "Hope that helps you sleep tonight, Im gonna stop talking to you now, and I dont want you to talk to me until I talk to you"
    Then the next day I seen her in town, she ignored me.Then I texted her that evening apolagising for friday evening, she never text me back.Then sunday morning came, I spoke with her on msn, she told me to call her, she broke up with me.
    She said that we were both too young for such a serious relationship, and that she wanted to be free and care free and not be in so many arguments.She wanted other people, she wanted her friends.
    She said that she couldnt hang out with her friends because of me, yet, I never ONCE said anything or tried to stop her hanging out with her friends.She chose to hang out with me, she could have hung out with them if she wanted to, she didnt have to break up with me to see them.
    The thing is, I still want to be with her, I met up with her on tuesday to get my stuff back and I said Id always be there as a friend to her, I hugged her many times, it was quite overwhelming it seems for her and for myself.I told her that in a years time or whatever, if she is not with anyone, or when she wants to be with me, Ill be there.
    Ive done ALOT of stuff for this girl, I looked after her when she was sick, I carried her to her apartments when she almost passed out,I was there for her in alot of other bad times.But in all fairness I caused alot of pain to her, and I have said I am/was sorry for that, but sorry has lost all meaning at this point now.

    What I want to know is, I know this will be just based upon opinion, but, Id still like to know, do you think I should ever get back with her, if there is a chance?

    no.


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    #7
    Dathai
    Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭Dathai


    Gross Halfwit wrote:
    Im guessing that her friends are all single. She probably misses hanging out with them as a single girl herself. You know?

    Let her go.


    Actually, nearly all her mates are with people afaik.
    Im moving on actually, gonna slut around for a bit,hell if she can do it, why shouldnt I, I have the same feelings as her.
    Im hanging out with mates alot more actually, making more friends as I lost some when I start going out with her.
    My paranoia and worry made the relationship what it is I think.I worried alot, and hurt both of us alot.

    Thanks for the comments anyway.More welcome also.


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    #8
    Gross Halfwit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 451 ✭✭Gross Halfwit


    Dathai wrote:
    Actually, nearly all her mates are with people afaik.
    Im moving on actually, gonna slut around for a bit,hell if she can do it, why shouldnt I, I have the same feelings as her.
    Im hanging out with mates alot more actually, making more friends as I lost some when I start going out with her.
    My paranoia and worry made the relationship what it is I think.I worried alot, and hurt both of us alot.

    Thanks for the comments anyway.More welcome also.

    Thats the spirit. The best way to get over one woman is to get under another!


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    #9
    Dr Cox's Ego
    Closed Accounts Posts: 116 ✭✭Dr Cox's Ego


    WhiteWashMan wrote:
    no.


    Could you be a bit more sensitive for fúcks sake. You're supposed to be a Mod on the most sensitive Board of the biggest online community in Ireland. The lad poured his heart out and you reply with one word?!


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    #10
    koneko
    Registered Users Posts: 10,304 ✭✭✭✭koneko


    Sensitive? Why? He asked a question, people are being upfront with him. Should he get back together with her if there was any chance. I could give a longer answer than "no" but it would amount to the same thing.


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    #11
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    I'm actually going through a break up too. Stay away. Get busy and stop thinking about her. Easier said than done but you really really really have to try and wipe her out of your mind for now anyway. I promise you'll be fine in a few months maybe even weeks x x x G'Luck x x x


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    #12
    Kingp35
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 12,264 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kingp35


    It depends on the people involved whether its a good idea to get back together after a break up. Me and my girlfriend broke up for a 6 week period after we were together for about 6 months and the two of us decided to get back together and it has been going string ever since. I was a young 18 year old at the time too so that might make this a bit more relevant to the OP. We have been together for 3 years now and havent broke up since and dont look like it now either.

    Point is in general it might not be a good idea to get back with someone but dont give the guy a blatant no like whitewashman did because sometimes it can be a good idea to get back with someone and it can work out. It is purely down to the people involved and the reasons behind why they broke up in the first place.

    If you get the chance mate then I say give it a go because you might regret it but dont go trying to get back with her, get out there and live the single life play the field and if the chance comes it comes and if it doesnt it doesnt.
    Dont wait around for this girl thats the worst thing you can do.

    ** By the way try space out your post makes it easier to read


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    #13
    Coney Island
    Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭Coney Island


    Whether she would get back with you or not if I were you I would just be so pissed off by her beaviour that I would tell her to f**** off.


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    #14
    WhiteWashMan
    Registered Users Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    Dr Cox's Ego wrote:
    Could you be a bit more sensitive for fúcks sake. You're supposed to be a Mod on the most sensitive Board of the biggest online community in Ireland. The lad poured his heart out and you reply with one word?!

    what would you prefer me to say?

    what has being a mod got to do with my opinion on the matter?


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    #15
    Dathai
    Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭Dathai


    Coney, we've done our fair share in the relationship, at this point in time it means nothing to me.The only thing that means anything to me is her.
    Kingpin35, thanks for the comments, gave me a nice out look actually on things :). Whether she wants to get back together or not, that is her decision, and not mine.Thanks, very nice post.
    Thanks all for your posts also, more welcome.


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    #16
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Do we think you should get back with her? Your initial post is stating that you desperately want to get back with her and she doesn't want to be with you.

    I really don't think you should hold yourself out for a years wait for her to possibly come back to you. Sounds like you're setting yourself up for a fall.

    No, I don't think you should get back with her.


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