Guilt after cumming

LegacyUser

Hello all,
I posting this for a close friend (male) who has a problem which is really effecting him. He enjoys sex etc but gets an enormous feeling of guilt after he actually cums. Anyone out there have a similar problem? Any suggestions?

utopian

HelpfulFriend! wrote:

Hello all,
I posting this for a close friend (male) who has a problem which is really effecting him. He enjoys sex etc but gets an enormous feeling of guilt after he actually cums. Anyone out there have a similar problem? Any suggestions?

Post coitum omne animal triste

Is your friend having sex with women he loves?

county

never heard of that before,could it be a catholic guilt thing,is this person married?

Talliesin

HelpfulFriend! wrote:

Any suggestions?

Change his attitudes (certainly subconscious, possibly concious as well) to sex.

Not something he can do quickly, easily or comfortably.

Counselling could help. Depending on his sexual lifestyle, re-examining that may help also.

Kevin_rc_ie

i'd like to know who he's having sex with and does it happen regardless of his lover.

Nevyn

It could be that he is concerned about getting his partner pregnant
(if it is a person of the female gender and they are not being that safe),
Or that he may contract something or that he already has and may be passing it on.

Those are easier to deal with, use protection ie a condom and go get checked
out to be sure.

If it is some worry or fear that is it dirty or disrespectfull he needs to talk to
his partner (if there is one) or to his gp and if is a big issue see if they can
put him in touch with some one to talk to.

solice

"The good irish catholic upbringing guilt complex" is what i like to call it.

Dont worry, it will pass.

Its like a wave of depression hitting you after climax and its really unsettling. Regret and guilt over what just happened. It doesnt have anything to do with fear of making the partner pregnant or the the use of condoms. Its just something that happens to people. But in time it will pass.

seamus

Apparently this can be a very male thing. Most men like to keep control. At orgasm you completely surrender to your body and lose control. This can be quite strange for some men, particularly those of the old school of being a grunting, proud and meat-eating caveman. It's also the reason why it can be satisfying sometimes to get up after sex and do something like fixing that door that's not closing properly or tearing up all those boxes that have been cluttering up the garage - very masculine activites to re-assert your maleness.

If it's something that's serious (i.e. it haunts him for an hour or two after sex), or even worse, it makes him reluctant to want to have sex, I'd advise perhaps a chat with a psychiatrist?

man-in-cognito

seamus wrote:

Apparently this can be a very male thing. Most men like to keep control. At orgasm you completely surrender to your body and lose control. This can be quite strange for some men, particularly those of the old school of being a grunting, proud and meat-eating caveman. It's also the reason why it can be satisfying sometimes to get up after sex and do something like fixing that door that's not closing properly or tearing up all those boxes that have been cluttering up the garage - very masculine activites to re-assert your maleness.

If it's something that's serious (i.e. it haunts him for an hour or two after sex), or even worse, it makes him reluctant to want to have sex, I'd advise perhaps a chat with a psychiatrist?

More common than people think, so common in fact that it's more commonly referred to as 'Manbrain'..

Manbrain - An overwhelming sense of guilt, usually triggered by climax, after an overwhelming sense of euphoria.

MIC.

LegacyUser

He is going out with a girl and he seems to love her. He enjoys every part of sex (i.e: build up, actual sex) but feels enormous guilt afterwards and goes quite cold with his partner. He feels like there is something missing. She is his first sexual partner

Altheus

Maybe he should consider getting really good at tantric, therefore saving himself from the guilt of cumming, and at the same time leaving himself safe in the knowledge he has nothing to feel guilty about.

Sleepy

Is it performance-related guilt? Is he feeling guilty for cumming "too soon" or something like that?

LegacyUser

I'm unsure if it's performance related - don't think it's cumming too soon. Maybe he feels he doesn't satisfy his partner enough? This is a possibility. It has gotton to the stage that he has now broken up with his girlfriend due to the enormous guilt

simu

HelpfulFriend! wrote:

I'm unsure if it's performance related - don't think it's cumming too soon. Maybe he feels he doesn't satisfy his partner enough? This is a possibility.

Sex doesn't have to stop then - there's more to it than the male ejaculating.

(Why do people spell it cumming rather than coming?)

dahamsta

simu wrote:

(Why do people spell it cumming rather than coming?)

Cumming is dirtier. I always thought it was rather silly myself. Probably those Americans again, with their favorites and their specializations.

I always feel a bit dozy after sex, in both senses of the word, which can be confused with depression (and therefore, I'd imagine, guilt) if you're not feeling 100%, emotionally or even physically. It doesn't have to be directly related to the act itself imho.

adam

Victor

Is it possible he feels guilty about a past sexualised event (abuse, exploitation ...)

Boston

I agree with dahamsta, are you sure it's not just that natural dozy feeling guys get.

LegacyUser

HelpfulFriend! wrote:

He is going out with a girl and he seems to love her. He enjoys every part of sex (i.e: build up, actual sex) but feels enormous guilt afterwards and goes quite cold with his partner. He feels like there is something missing. She is his first sexual partner

perhaps he fantasisies about something or someone else

WhiteWashMan

what exactly are you, i mean he, feeling guilty about?

Gordon

As mentioned previously, I'd say that it's because he's having sex with someone that he doesn't really like and just wants to have sex with her for sex. Although the 'guilt' would be more 'regret' if that was the case, but regret for ones own actions can cause feelings of guilt I reckon. imo

mayordenis

well tell your friend that next time he has sex to talk to the person hes having sex with about this before or after,
if they are two adults they will probably be able to improve the situation whether they could fix it completely is another matter.
if you know him and his ex-gf think what she would of said if he had of brought it up in a private conversation.

WhiteWashMan

Gordon wrote:

As mentioned previously, I'd say that it's because he's having sex with someone that he doesn't really like and just wants to have sex with her for sex. Although the 'guilt' would be more 'regret' if that was the case, but regret for ones own actions can cause feelings of guilt I reckon. imo

oh? i thought he seemed to love her?

perhpas the OP could get his 'friend' to come on and explain it more in depth?
there is obviously an issue, but to be honest, with 3 2 line posts, you dont exactly get an awful lot of information.

i can think of 101 reasons, and only 15 are related to him not actually liking the girl

LegacyUser

Honestly, it is for a friend that I'm writing this.
He DID speak to his ex about it, she didn't know how 2 respond as when he's up for it, he really enjoys it all but feels huge guilt immediatley afterwards. He feels like there's something missing in the relationship but doesn't know what.

pickarooney

Is it any way similar to the guilty depressed feeling you sometimes get after a night on the piss?
Does he feel it in any way after a swift hand-shandy?