Condoms

LegacyUser

hi

i need some advise... ive been seeing my girlfriend for quite some time now, we are both 16 (i know were under age) and we want to have sex but i am just so terrified of my girlfriend becoming pregnant. Im not a fu(kin knacker so i know perfectly well..: no condom no sex and that will never change ever.. my human instincts are strong enough to say no if i haven't got one on me.

But im still terrified even when i think about using a condom because i know theres still a chance of her getting pregnant. I want to have sex but the fear is stopping me from wanting to do it.. can anyone reassure me on all of this?

thanks

Nevyn

Yes you are both under the age of consent.
There are many ways that a condom may not prevent against pregnacy,
esp if used in error. I would suggest that your gf and your self talk about
other methods as well. Yes it means going to talk to a doctor.

www.ifpa.ie

The age of medical privacy with a dr or a gp is 16.

annR

You're right to be afraid of getting her pregnant, and yes, it could happen with condoms. Maybe you should just hold off doing it and save yourself all the worry (not to mention potential pregnancy) - in my opinion that would be smart.

What's the rush anyway? Do you feel under pressure to do it?

Kevin_rc_ie

i think you should buy some condoms and go with the flow. Oh, it also would be important to not just buy them but wear them too when/if the time comes. Don't durex do easy on Condoms, aparently idiot proof.

ADUB?

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

i think you should buy some condoms and go with the flow. Oh, it also would be important to not just buy them but ware them too. Don't durex do easy on Condoms, aparently idiot proof.

Sound advice Kevin_rc_ie, Ireland could always do with more teenage pregnancies. very responsible attitude to be expressing to a minor.

OP Your GF cannot legally consent to sex with you at 16, age of consent for women is 17 in ireland. You could land yourself in deep trouble with the law!
Condoms can result in pregnancy if not used correctly.
As annR says why not hold off or at least consider what Thaed said and use another method as well.
If you not mature enough to see someone about it, you not mature enough to be having sex.

Nevyn

http://www.agi-usa.org/pubs/journals/3109405.html

Similarly, 3% of male condoms broke during use—7% among first-time users, compared with 2% among those who had used male condoms 15 times or more.

http://www.irlgov.ie/committees-00/c-constitution/000523/default.htm
report of contraception in the house of the Oireacthas Tuesday, 23 May 2000

Obviously you also need to make young people aware of contraception but you need to make them aware of the totality of the reality of contraception. Children - and I use the word advisedly - have this idea that a condom is protection against everything. There are three ways of looking at contraception: one is the perfect use failure rate, in other words. if you do everything that you're supposed to do; second is the actual failure rate and there is a third statistic which relates to teenagers. There is an 18.4% failure rate in condom use among teenagers. I think that they need to know things like that. They need to know that, in a sense, a condom is not the answer to everything.

It is a grown up choice, with very grown up consquences.
Go to a gp or practice nurse or the ifpa and talk to them.

drdre

just be careful as condoms are not always perfect,so you could get your girlfriend pregnant and you donot want that at the age of 16.

TerrorFirmer

For peace of mind, she should go on the pill, and you should be using condoms as well.

Tbh, the do-gooders with their "its illegal", "underage", etc, they might as well not bother posting. Lads, we are talking about teenagers faced with the option of having sex, I dont think an online speech about the law and legality of the situation are necessary. He asked about contraception, so if you aren't going to offer advice on said matter, don't bother speaking!

The pill is really cheap if you get a subscription from a planning clinic, my girlfriend uses it and its 4.50 per pack. I think 4.50 is worth the extra piece of mind....do you?

Defiantely go for the combination of the two, it costs very little and adds a huge safety net to your worries. Still not guaranteed 100%, but its alot more of a sure thing then using condoms without experience.

Nevyn

That is asuming the the young lady in question is medically fit to start taking the
oral contraceptive.

Only one way to find out go talk to a health professional.
No reason why you both cant go I am sure they would be thrilled to see
two young adults trying to be responsible.

Skip

Yeah, definitely the pills, even without condoms they offer you more safety, although condoms are good against std, too. If your girlfriend goes to the doc to get the pills, at least she'll have a check-up, and you'll be on the safe side as far as losing her virginity is concerned; actually, doctors suggest every girl should go to the doc's before doing it first, as in some cases (guess very few though) losing virginity might cause unexpected complications too (i.e., heavy bleeding for the woman, that is). So the doc will not only give the prescription but supposedly do an examination and lab test, etc., and it's gonna be really reassuring for her too. Well, if she's still a virgin

Tazzle

Skip wrote:

So the doc will not only give the prescription but supposedly do an examination and lab test, etc., and it's gonna be really reassuring for her too.

I'm sure every young 16 year old girl's dream is going to the doctor to have an examination done, and a lab test, before having sex. No.

I wouldn't particularly like to get my equipment out for a doctor either. Anyway, they don't do any physical examinations, they just talk you through all the stuff, big learned off spiel.

LegacyUser

well she cant really go to get an examination done because she's underage am i right?

pclancy

Ask her to go see her doc and ask will he/she put her on the pill. Depends on the doc but i was going out with a girl when i was 17 and she was 16 and the doc had no probs whatsoever. Use Condoms as well, just be carefull they can break if not on properly or you go a bit too mad

I think in this case theres no point talking bout age, teenagers want to and will have sex regardless of the law. Whats the harm in talking about it and just making sure they're carefull? I think fair play to ye both for being responsible. At the end of the day tho, theres nothing wrong with waiting till ur both older. Also fair play to u for thinking so hard bout this (scuse the pun!) and wanting to be reassured. The truth is, condoms, pills or other stuff are never gonna be 100% safe, but they're a lot safer then nothing so go for it when you both feel ready.

Chong

Why dont you just not have sex and pleasure each other with other means. Oral = no fuss no muss.

Steveire

It's advised to wear protection during oral sex too, remember. That's why flavoured condoms are available.

I've a question. Does a point come when a couple decides not to wear condoms during sex, even if not trying for a baby.
I remember hearing, though this may be disputed, that condoms are more for STD prevention. This is why it is recommended that condoms and the pill are very commonly used as contraception. So will a point come when a couple doesn't need* to use a condom.

*i use the term lightly. You know what i mean. They feel comfortable without it.


Sorry for that semi-hijack. OP, it seems like you may be nervous too. This is absolutely expectable. And don't be in any rush to lose your virginity if it's a peer pressure thing. You'll feel great you have sex for the first time wheter it's in four days or four years.

Talliesin

Steveire wrote:

Does a point come when a couple decides not to wear condoms during sex, even if not trying for a baby.

Sometimes when a couple are using another form of contraception, are either monogamous or agree that they will only have unprotected sex with each other ("latex-monogamous"), and trust each other in that monogamy or latex-monogamy. They may decide to not use barrier contraception.

This does increase the risk of pregnancy, since combining barrier contraception with with another form of contraception does have a "belt and braces" effect of both having to fail before there is a risk of pregnancy.

It does mean that if either catches an STI then the other is at a high risk of catching one.

It's a risk. Whether the risk is worth taking is for the couple in question to judge, and not something to rush into.

Steveire wrote:

I remember hearing, though this may be disputed, that condoms are more for STD prevention.

Condoms are effective both against pregnancy and STIs. Only barrier methods offer much STI protection (some spermicides have some effect against some infections, but not much).

Steveire wrote:

This is why it is recommended that condoms and the pill are very commonly used as contraception. So will a point come when a couple doesn't need* to use a condom.

An important thing here is that condoms and the pill are complementary techniques. They don't interfer with each other, if you forget condoms in the heat of the moment or they rip or come off then the pill will still work while if you miss a pill then condoms will still work. They're working in such different ways that makes them a good combination.

And of course only barrier methods offer much protection against STIs, as well as protection against unwanted pregnancies, and are not something to stop using lightly.

Only abstinence offers complete protection, so that's not something to stop doing lightly either.

Nevyn

advise wrote:

well she cant really go to get an examination done because she's underage am i right?

At age 16 it is a private medical matter between her and what ever dr she goes to.

Bamboozled

If you do decide to move your relationship on, I would advise her to get to her GP and get an exam. If by some strange change her mother may find the pill, she can always say its for acne (females get put on the pill as an acne treatment - i did at 12, but yes my mother knew as she took me & it was only for acne problems).

If she's close to her mother, then she need not worry and it would probably be a better idea to talk to her.

As for you, always always always use a condom. Even if you are together for a while afterwards, unless you both get checked out, always wear a condom. I'm not goign to mention the legalities as i'm sure you've read the other posts.

If she is "too dry" never use an oil based lubricant with a condom. It can cause the condom to break, wear, and be ineffective against pregnancy, STI's etc.

Use water based products. They will not damage condoms.

Even using baby oil as a massage to relax can cause problems with condoms as it will depend where the massage is and how close tothe oil the condom gets.

funk-you

Buy condoms from a reputable company, try to buy them from the chemist/shop rather than a pub toilet. read the instruction leaflet inside carefully and follow it to the letter. if you are still nervous there are different types of condoms ranging from ultra strong to featherlite in the durex range. Dont go for the novely ones right now. if at all possible get her on the pill. ultra strong you'll feel slightly less but they're plenty thick and may also improve your stamina which is a plus. featherlite are fairly thin(never had one break myself though)so you'll have more feeling but until you're familiar with using condoms i would reccommend the ultra strong. take your time putting it on and make sure there is no air bubble trapped in the top.
It's something the two of you are meant to enjoy so just take all possible precautions and if you still dont feel comfortable just wait until you do.
Sound,
-P

Skip

Tazzle wrote:

I'm sure every young 16 year old girl's dream is going to the doctor to have an examination done, and a lab test, before having sex. No.

I wouldn't particularly like to get my equipment out for a doctor either. Anyway, they don't do any physical examinations, they just talk you through all the stuff, big learned off spiel.

Erm... I was talking about reality, not dreams. I guess you won't have any problems with getting your teeth out for a dentist for a check-up, but when it comes to a gynecological examination, then it's a no? In the faraway galaxy where I come from no girl is put on the pill for the first time before a full check-up and lab test, I'd be very much shocked if it wasn't the case in Ireland, as the pill also has its side effects and medical risks, it's not like taking vitamin C. Sure, she might not be ready for this, but then she's not ready for an intercourse either, or would she/the couple think that just because they have an intercourse (instead of experimenting with and getting better at other and safer ways of giving satisfaction to each other, as some people have already pointed out here), that'll certainly lead to orgasm? Another dream, tbh, more persistent than the 100% safety of condoms :rolleyes: