Would you let your daughter go to a Debs?

Beekay

im not a parent.
but would you let your 15 year old daughter(3 months off 16) go to a debs
With a just turned 18 year old.
He doesn't drink and she wouldn't be either.

Beruthiel

eventually
you have to let go
so
yes
with rules and a curfew though!

Beekay

yeah.i was thinking with a curfew aswell.because debs usually go on into the next day.i wouldn't mind if she had to leave early.as long as she was allowed go

Dellgirl

im not a parent.
but would you let your 15 year old daughter(3 months off 16) go to a debs
With a just turned 18 year old.
He doesn't drink and she wouldn't be either.

_________________

I am suspecting you are the one wanting to go! Your quite keen to point out the fact that the Debette (?) is nearly 16.
Rules and curfew. Whoever...*ahem*...is going will ruin all future trust if those set are not strictly adhered to.
Id let the person go.

Shad0r

Beekay wrote:

im not a parent.
but would you let your 15 year old daughter(3 months off 16) go to a debs
With a just turned 18 year old.
He doesn't drink and she wouldn't be either.

HELL NO. Either the 18yo is
a) lying
b) into drugs (hence the lack of interest in drink)
c) the worlds most boring teenager.

I dunno how long ago its been since the people who replied went to their debs but I very distinctly remember what both of the debs I went to were like and neither were the sort of event that I'd want my fifteen year old daughter at, assuming I had a fifteen year old daughter. (Which I dont as I'd have been ten when I had her )

Dellgirl

I dunno how long ago its been since the people who replied went to their debs but I very distinctly remember what both of the debs I went to were like and neither were the sort of event that I'd want my fifteen year old daughter at, assuming I had a fifteen year old daughter. (Which I dont as I'd have been ten when I had her )

:eek:
Im 29 so Im only 4 years older than you!
That being said, I went to debs down the country where the kids arent so cool and the priest was there all night. I dont think I even heard of a joint till i was about 18. God, I was so innocent/naieve/clueles.

You do realise now that when the postr goes to show this survey to her....sorry....I mean that girls mother, she wont be allowed go now. Youve runed her whole life. I hope youre proud!

tirl

with the no under 18 after 10 o clock rule she will have to leave early anyway, I know of one hotel last year that made everyone under 18 go into another room at the hotel to watch videos and yes they were over 18's videos!

pwd

only if the date paid for a hotel room for her or something.
Wouldn't want her coming home late and waking the whole house.

Beekay

Shad0r wrote:

HELL NO. Either the 18yo is
a) lying
b) into drugs (hence the lack of interest in drink)
c) the worlds most boring teenager.

I dunno how long ago its been since the people who replied went to their debs but I very distinctly remember what both of the debs I went to were like and neither were the sort of event that I'd want my fifteen year old daughter at, assuming I had a fifteen year old daughter. (Which I dont as I'd have been ten when I had her )

I don't drink because of past experiences(not with me but my family)
And i just want to spend a good night with my girlfriend

marshmallow

I would say yes. I'd know I'd get pi$$ed off if I wasn't allowed go with my boyfriend.

P.s. My bro is going 19 in December and he hasn't touched a drop of alcho. He's not boring, he goes out to clubs with his mates but just has soft drinks. It's 'cause he wants to not drink and that's the only reason.

Just thought I'd add that in there!

Yv

I'd say yes too. 15 is very young but if she's almost 16 & you're not too far past 18 it's not too much of a difference - with a curfew it's perfectly alright.

Also, I don't drink and I'm over 18. It's never appealed to me. I still have a social life :rolleyes:

Beekay

Yv wrote:

I'd say yes too. 15 is very young but if she's almost 16 & you're not too far past 18 it's not too much of a difference - with a curfew it's perfectly alright.

Also, I don't drink and I'm over 18. It's never appealed to me. I still have a social life :rolleyes:

i know its a typical irish view....you can't have fun without alcohol

Kevin_rc_ie

i'd stick condoms in her purse.

Nevyn

You need to sit and talk with her parents.
You may have to leave early to get her home at the time they say.
You may have to collect her from thier care and be able to drop her back
happy but tired and no worse for wear by midnight.
Go talk to them.
Be reasonible and respectful and hopefully they will too.

Nevyn

really Kevin, you'd give your 15 year old daughter condoms just like that ?

Kevin_rc_ie

yes i would.

Nevyn

sure as hell hope that would not be the extent of the sexuality education you will give your kids if you ever have any.

Put this is moving off topic.

Honestly go and talk with her parents and if needs be get your mother to have
a talk with her mother.

Kevin_rc_ie

you're right it wouldn't be.

Beekay

i would definately be resonible and i'd make sure all the rules were met.
i'd rather a have half a good night with her rather than a full crap one with nobody.

loyatemu

mate, if she's 15 and you're 18, it's illegal, so don't even think about it, right!

Nevyn

loyatemu

He is talking about bringing her to his debs a socail even with dinner and dancing ffs.

that type of comment is unhelpful and off topic.

Beekay

loyatemu wrote:

mate, if she's 15 and you're 18, it's illegal, so don't even think about it, right!

Did i ever mention the word sex? No. Some people on this forum have to stop generalising everything.If your 18 you must drink,If your 18 you must be having sex.Im f**king sick of it.And anyway,Just because its a law doesn't mean its right.If A couple both feel they are at a point in their relationship that they are ready for sex,should they restrain their feelings for each other
just because a law says so.And as long as they do it responsibly.

up for anything

Beekay wrote:

... Just because its a law doesn't mean its right.If A couple both feel they are at a point in their relationship that they are ready for sex,should they restrain their feelings for each other
just because a law says so.And as long as they do it responsibly.

Oops, you had my backing, for what it was worth, until this bit.

Laws are there for a reason obviously. Most of them are in place to ensure people's safety and allow them to go about their lives without having to live in fear of other people's actions. A lot of people in jail could say "just because it's a law doesn't mean it's right". Personally, now, I wouldn't trust you with my car, my house, my dog and most especially my fifteen year old daughter in whom I have invested so much love and care and would be capable of killing for ("just because it's a law doesn't mean it's right". She may be physically mature but mentally and emotionally she is now only just begining the journey to maturity.

The law stipulating an age for legal sex is there for a reason and a very, very good reason. Not just to spoil your fun and ensure the blueness of your balls. Do the words statutory rape and child molestation mean anything to you. If you're as mature as you think you are, they should. Remember some day you may have a fifteen year old daughter!

No, in my opinion Cinderella shouldn't be allowed go to the ball.

Edited to add that you expose your own immaturity at 18 by some of the things you have said, hence the girl in question cannot hope to have attained even the same level as you even if she will be sixteen in three months. :rolleyes:

Beekay

up for anything wrote:

("just because it's a law doesn't mean it's right". She may be physically mature but mentally and emotionally she is now only just begining the journey to maturity

Thats why i said when they get to a certain point in their relationship.how do you know if its in 2 weeks or 4 years?

Beekay

up for anything wrote:

The law stipulating an age for legal sex is there for a reason and a very, very good reason. Not just to spoil your fun and ensure the blueness of your balls. Do the words statutory rape and child molestation mean anything to you. If you're as mature as you think you are, they should. Remember some day you may have a fifteen year old daughter!

I know its not just there to spoil my fun or "the blueness of my balls"(which doesn't sound very mature for someone trying to lecture other people about maturity).

"if your as mature as you think you are" Where did i say i thought i was very mature?

angeldelight

I have to say I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time. He has said he's willing to be responsible and leave early to get his gf back home on time, that he won't be drinking, hence he can keep an eye out for her. Speaking from personal experience I had sex under the legal age and over it, and there was no difference between the two. A lot of guys would have sex with someone without having as much respect/love for their partner as this guy seems to have for his gf..... you could cut him a bit of slack

up for anything

Beekay wrote:

Thats why i said when they get to a certain point in their relationship.how do you know if its in 2 weeks or 4 years?

I'm not claiming to know at what point it's right in a relationship just saying that at the age of fifteen most girls are not emotionally equipped to deal with a sexual relationship along with all the other things in their lives. Yes people do have sex before they are legally of age (and yes there is the argument of what difference does one day make) and suffer no apparent harm but it doesn't make it right.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

up for anything wrote:

I'm not claiming to know at what point it's right in a relationship just saying that at the age of fifteen most girls are not emotionally equipped to deal with a sexual relationship along with all the other things in their lives. Yes people do have sex before they are legally of age (and yes there is the argument of what difference does one day make) and suffer no apparent harm but it doesn't make it right.

Me and my ex-girlfriend both had sex for the first time, with each other, at the age of fifteen and we were together for almost three years after that! Not all, but plenty of fifteen year olds are very capable of being part of a sexual relationship - the only reason people think otherwise is modern societies habit of unnaturally lengthening the adolescent process.

As regards the actual topic, fair play to you for not drinking - I wish I'd stuck to that - and I'm sure your intentions with this girl are nothing but honourable, however by debating the topic here you are talking to the wrong people.

As my mother often said when I told her "but their parents let them stay out late" - I'm not their mother, and you're not their brother, so what I say goes! Talk to her parents about it, find out why they object to the idea and see if you can nullify their concerns!

Beekay

up for anything wrote:

I'm not claiming to know at what point it's right in a relationship just saying that at the age of fifteen most girls are not emotionally equipped to deal with a sexual relationship along with all the other things in their lives. Yes people do have sex before they are legally of age (and yes there is the argument of what difference does one day make) and suffer no apparent harm but it doesn't make it right.

I can see where you are coming from.Thats why i would make sure whatever time it is,that it was the right time to have sex.And if there was any doubt from either of us than it wasn't the right time?

Could we please get back on topic

county

quite simply no

up for anything

Beekay wrote:

"if your as mature as you think you are" Where did i say i thought i was very mature?

You didn't say it and I didn't say you said it. Your posts were implying it however.

You asked a question "but would you let your 15 year old daughter(3 months off 16) go to a debs.." which I answered from the point of view of being a parent of a nearly 11 year old girl with all this in her future. I know you've probably heard "someday when you have a daughter of your own... yada yada yada" or in your case "son" a lot from your parents (I did from mine and I didn't realise what they were getting at then) you probably switch off but then that's the nature of youth.

God bless those chastity belts. Marvellous inventions altogether.

Beekay

up for anything wrote:

You didn't say it and I didn't say you said it. Your posts were implying it however.

You asked a question "but would you let your 15 year old daughter(3 months off 16) go to a debs.." which I answered from the point of view of being a parent of a nearly 11 year old girl with all this in her future. I know you've probably heard "someday when you have a daughter of your own... yada yada yada" or in your case "son" a lot from your parents (I did from mine and I didn't realise what they were getting at then) you probably switch off but then that's the nature of youth.

You said at first you would let her go.but then you changed it.Do you still stand by this?

The reason i included the nearly 16 bit was because i've known 16 year olds to go to debs after they didthere leaving cert.And if i didn't do 4th year i would have been one of them

Beekay

county wrote:

quite simply no

Why?Im looking for opinions here.whether i like them or not

up for anything

Beekay please remember none of this is personal - I don't know you and I'm not trying to get at you.

You were doing ok from my point of view as a parent at the begining. Nice guy, seems sensible, doesn't drink (2,000,000 bonus points), willing to take half a night with my daughter rather then a full night without her but then you tore the arse out of it with your comment "just because it's a law doesn't mean it's right". As a parent all my alarm bells began ringing because now I have to wonder about where do you draw the line with this attitude towards the law and will you "infect" my daughter with it. That's why I readjusted my attitude and decided against letting her go hypothetically speaking.

Beekay

up for anything wrote:

Beekay please remember none of this is personal - I don't know you and I'm not trying to get at you.

You were doing ok from my point of view as a parent at the begining. Nice guy, seems sensible, doesn't drink (2,000,000 bonus points), willing to take half a night with my daughter rather then a full night without her but then you tore the arse out of it with your comment "just because it's a law doesn't mean it's right". As a parent all my alarm bells began ringing because now I have to wonder about where do you draw the line with this attitude towards the law and will you "infect" my daughter with it. That's why I readjusted my attitude and decided against letting her go hypothetically speaking.

i know its not personal.i was just trying to take the whole law concept out of the thread.Sometimes the law is wrong,thats is all i was saying.I know they get laws right most of the time.and when i look back on it,it does look bad(but if i edited my post it would seem worse).i was just trying to show a point of view.

But thanks for taking the time and giving me your opinion

up for anything

If you do decide to sit down with her parents and ask them can she go - stick to the party line. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Beekay

up for anything wrote:

If you do decide to sit down with her parents and ask them can she go - stick to the party line. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Will do .

Does anyone else have an opinion?if you do please share it.the more points of view i have the better.

Khannie

I went to a debs at 15 or early 16, with an 18 year old girl who I was friends with. She just wanted a date. I have to say, I felt totally out of place all night, though I think a young woman would like the sense of occasion more than a young man did. There's also the maturity gap to consider there....In general 15 year old girls are much more mature than 15 year old fella's.

Once the folks are ok with it, I'd say you'll have a good night.

edit: One of the reasons I felt out of place was that I looked very young for my age up until my mid 20's. Good ol' retreating hairline to the rescue! I also ended up talking to a lad who had left my school the year before (and I was in 3rd year at the time I think).

How does your girlfriend feel about the idea?

Beekay

She really wants to go,but she doesn't know what her parents will say.

Beekay

Well she asked.And the answer was No.They are saying she is too young.
Hopefully they can be persuaded otherwise...

Hobbes

pwd wrote:

only if the date paid for a hotel room for her or something.
Wouldn't want her coming home late and waking the whole house.

I see his response now.. "So you can pay by the hour, right?"

Beekay

Well i said i would keep you posted.
My Debs is tonight,and she isn't allowed go.So im in a very bad mood and don't really want to go

Sorry to hear.

Gaspode

I have a daughter and if she was in a relationship with a guy who wished to bring her to his debs I would let her go at almost 16 if...

1. I knew the guy and felt I could somewhat trust him.

2. He was willing to follow my rules on times etc.

But in this case you certinaly are coming accross as genuine and honest. You have put your side well to us, now all you need to do is approach her parents in the same way. If they set a curfew for her, make sure to stick to it as otherwise it will probaly mean a lot of hassle for her seeing you in future. And if you behave well on this occasion you will have gained valuable "brownie" points with her parents for the future. So by being good to her and them you are being good to yourself too !!

BTW I am well past 18 now but know plently of adults who are capable of having a good time without the aid of drink and who have always been able to do so.. My wife is the biggest messer on earth who rarely touches alcohol at all (nor did she at age 18 either...)

Gaspode

Beekay wrote:

Well i said i would keep you posted.
My Debs is tonight,and she isn't allowed go.So im in a very bad mood and don't really want to go

Sorry to hear this.... but my advise to you is to remain in close contact with your girlfriends family - build up a good relationship with them and they will trust you in the future. There are bound to be more partys and events coming up.

Beekay

deswalsh wrote:

Sorry to hear this.... but my advise to you is to remain in close contact with your girlfriends family - build up a good relationship with them and they will trust you in the future. There are bound to be more partys and events coming up.

Thanks for the advice anyway.
Her father is actually good friends with my brother and he has known of me since about 2001.
And i just discovered that b4 i started going out with her that he said i was a "nice guy".
The actual Debs wasn't that bad but i just had to not look at couples so i wouldn't feel as bad

Khannie

Beekay wrote:

My Debs is tonight,and she isn't allowed go.

Man....that's suckage. I'd let my daughter go with you. If I had one that is.

Nevyn

Well why not try make it up to the both of you in a differnt way ?
Why not orgainse to take her out to dinner ?
Just the two of you, doesnt have to be late in the evening and there are lots
of places that have early specails and make to do about , get dresses up
and make the most of it.

or if you really wanted to impress go out to dinner with her and her parents,
show them that you are a toughtfull young man who can be have in a civilised fashion.

ambro25

"For a man to have a daughter is God's revenge on him for being the lad he once was..." or words to that effect, and can't remember who by.

I have a daughter. The answer 'was' (coming late to the party and after the Deb went by) no. When she turns 15 and 364 days, the answer will still be no. Even when she turns 16, I'm still not so sure the answer won't be no.

But it will be "yes" to any occasion to get to know the lad in question (as, personally speaking, it takes a helluva long time and more hoops than in a SEAL Team assault course to earn my trust, and so long as you ain't got it, I 'd catch you with her and you'd be dead )

So, pretty much as Thaed posted, a missed opportunity but there will be plenty more if you care for her as you seem to, and in the meantime keep working the parents over.

Beekay

Thanks for the ideas Thaed,there is actually something that im hoping to bring her to.