Meet some one?

LegacyUser

Im 22, intelligent, well paid, great car, extremely fit with great body. Not the best looking guy but no dogs backside either.
My prob is i've never had a GF and its really getting to me now. I dont get much of a chance to go out cas im always training and theres few girls playing my sport so i dont meet many there or at work.
I get lots of looks from girls and i some of them must fancy me or else they think im extremely ugly cas i do feel stares on me and sure enough turn around to see girls looking at me. Maybe this is just my imagination.
I rarely if ever talk to girls in clubs pubs etc that i dont know though. Im just scared sh!tless of them and rejection or something. Sometimes girls even come up to me and i just say HI and smile but show little interest. I think i try to pretend to not be interested thinking that'll it'll make her mad about me or something but if doesnt usually work.
I know if i do chat to a girl i'll usually end up picking the most gorgeous one in the place and she'll blow me off propper fast and blow all confidence for the night. If i do get a chat going then it usually ends up turning into a serious conversation as my wit goes out the window and just goes no where.
I find and you might say this is slimy but any of my mates GF's are mad about me. I think this is because i can open up to them and be the real me about them whereas i cant do this with single girls. I've even found one of my mates absolutely gorgeous GF's txtin me to meet up. Needless to say i knocked that back pronto but its so wierd.
I get all caught up with single girls and say stupid things. Otherwise i go mute and pretend to the hard man by just ignoring gorseous girls that i know like me and even turn my back on them. Why do i do this? Im a nice guy, i know i cant be too bad and i know im not exactly gorgeous but i really look after myself and get an awful amount of butt pinches (from birds) on a given night. Just 3 weeks ago i caught a girl (good lookin too) blatantly eyenin up my rear just the same as any drunk lad would do. I was shocked to tell the truth. but needless to say i ignored her too saying to myself if i ever meet her again i'll score with her but i'll play it cool now. I've been saying that for yrs.
It works to a point. i find ignoring girls makes them come for more but i just take it too far and blow them off or else i commit cardinal sin number 1 and actually talk to them. AS i'v said above this doesnt last long.
I know im not too far away for meeting a nice girl but i just cant seem to cross the bridge. All i want is a tiny bit of happiness. Can someone help because its like a weight on my shoulders getting heavier every day, every minute almost

DawnMc

Where u living? I like the sounds of you only messing! It sounds like you're a great guy but just haven't met the right lady yet.......... You will don't worry. I'm in the same predicament except that all I meet are prize bollox's!

Beruthiel

might I suggest that you stop playing games, treat women like you would a mate and quite trying to be the hard man
ie - just be yourself

Larianne

What about meeting up with your mates girlfriends friends? You'd feel much more comfortable chatting to them while being around people you already feel comfortable with.

Clubs and pubs aren't the best place to meet girlfriend/boyfriend material imo.

Gilgamesh

tbh it sounds more like you are too shy to actually talk to girls.
Trying to hide behind fit figure doesn't help if you are unable to talk and bring things to closure.

BizzyC

Get your mates girlfriends to set you up.
They'll most likely explain to the friend that you're shy etc.
A lot of girls can actually find it attractive, cause they have to coax you out....

jcoote

your opening statement was one of extreme confidence but u can't talk to girls...some sort of conflict there me thinks...maybe u use your car fitness etc as a front and its not like the real u...girls don't care about bodies and cars and money...fair enough maybe some do but they don't seem to be the kind u want..maybe you give of the wrong idea of yourself and people just can't read u

Larianne

BizzyC wrote:

Get your mates girlfriends to set you up.
They'll most likely explain to the friend that you're shy etc.
A lot of girls can actually find it attractive, cause they have to coax you out....

I don't think he likes (well I dunno) the whole forced situation of 'ooh I like you, now talk to me'/set up kinda thing. Going out with a few mates and their gf's and friends would be a good idea or having a party in someones house. More relaxed .

Pigman II

From your writings you sound too narcissistic to be involved with anyone other than yourself.

Did you know that you referred to yourself in that piece no less than 71 times?

BizzyC

I didn't mean in a blind date way, just get them to introduce you around...

Tobias Greeshman

why cant i wrote:

or else i commit cardinal sin number 1 and actually talk to them

OK OP, from reading your post, its fairly evident that the thought of rejection gets to you too much and as a result you expect the girls to come to you rather than the other way around! Im also guessing that you haven't much experience in chatting to girls in a social situation (Im talking about engaging a complete stranger in a chat, without knowing anything about them at all).

Actually reading your post you remind me of a friend of mine, who is terrified of rejection, so finds it horrendously hard to talk to girls unless he knows them. He always dresses in the best clothes and is under the illusion that he can attract girls based on looks alone. Girls are attracted to confidence, a confident average looking person is more likely to be successful with girls than a really attractive but somewhat shy person.

You are simply lacking the confidence to go up and chat to a girl and thats fine, if you aren't comfortable with it then putting yourself in that situation isn't going to help matters, so pub/club situations aren't going to be successful social situations for you.

You seem to get on well with your friends girlfriends, so at least you now you get on well with girls, and as someone suggested you should get them to fix you up with one of their friends (BTW: lots of relationships start this way, friends of friends). If this can make you feel more comfortable and at ease talking to women, then by all means go for it. What have you got to lose?

WhiteWashMan

1) you never go out

2) youre afraid to talk to women

doesnt leave much space to met someone.

perhaps you should work on a), or b) and you may find your chances increasing?

as ruthie also said, stop playing it cool. start being yourself, and if some says hello, try smiling and saying hello back. next, ask a name. its called a conversation. try it. it works.

LegacyUser

I spose it really comes down to 2 things:
1 - not going out enough.
2 - not talking to girls when im out and about.

Someone said i was self centred. i am definitely but isnt that the case with everyone who isnt good looking? You must realise that i was bullied bad when i was young. I was small and fat and had bad teeth and terrible acne. I really turned inwards for years and only during college began to grow out of it. But then it was drink fuelled and i still only talked to my mates.
Its really only in the last yr that i've opened up. The world of ppl caome up to me and say "i used to think you were such a pr!ck, you never even looked at me before" Ppl dont realise that i was hiding my face in case someone would see me. I was on roaccutane and severly depressed.

Now thats all behind me but the scars remain somewhat in terms of rejection/talking to girls etc.

Once autumn comes things will pick up i know. i'll be out every weekend but then it'll be the same story again. just going through entire nights talking to a single new girl i havent met loads before.
I swear i 've gone out for months on end without talking to a new face and definitely not a girl. I just cant. Im not scared as such, i just cant. I have no confidence. 1 rejection and id cower.
I know its not looks or cars that attract girls (well looks helps 100%) so i have to work on my chatting but clubs really dont suit me. pubs are ok if i kinda know some of the girls but where i excel is hse parties where me a mate and a girl get chatting. then im sorted. i'd literally be the centre of attention no hassle and once my confidence is up i really could have any girl (this has happened a small no of times b4) but leave me on my own with a girl and nothing, nada. might as well go home.
What is wrong with me? where is this coming from? why do i never talk to new ppl? is there anyway of getting over my absolute fear of rejection and being laughed at ?

koneko

Take it easy, relax, and don't be so worried about meeting someone. And as WWM says, smile and say hi, and start up a conversation. It's easier than you think.

Just don't talk about yourself as much as you did in your post, you wouldn't think you have a confidence problem from reading that, apparantly the whole world is in love with you already. Just relaaax.

Victor

why_cant_i wrote:

Im 22, intelligent, well paid, great car, extremely fit with great body. Not the best looking guy but no dogs backside either.

"You are not your ...." (Fight Club)

You do not have to follow the dominant discourse of job, car, house, partner, 2.5 kids.

nobodythere

Gilgamesh wrote:

tbh it sounds more like you are too shy to actually talk to girls.
Trying to hide behind fit figure doesn't help if you are unable to talk and bring things to closure.

I agree with this. I think you're worried about being 22 and having no girlfriend. I think you're so focused on getting a girl that you have no time to pay attention to the girls you meet. If you can open up to your friends girlfriends I think it says some things.

First, that you have a confidence issue. Read the recent thread on this forum about the guy who realised he rejects women out of fear of being rejected (titled something like "I just realised something..."). You can also see this because you said that you would have your confidence ruined if you got rejected by the prettiest girl in the club.... Think about the way I phrased that for a minute.

It also says that you're hanging out in the wrong places. Would I be wrong in saying that you'd much prefer a girl you can talk to than a quick fling? I know you'll probably take anything at this stage and just want to be able to say that you've had a girlfriend, but looking for girls in clubs where the music is so loud that you can't talk to them properly is not a good place to find a girlfriend. And I'm sure you have years of testosterone to get out of you but either way a proper relationship is 100 times more rewarding than one based on looks. Anyone who has experienced this will agree with me, I've no doubt of that.

So long story short, I think you should find some place else to look for a girlfriend. If you are indeed a nice guy, girls won't run away from you. Even approaching some girl in a café or anything...

[someguy]

why_cant_i wrote:

What is wrong with me? where is this coming from? why do i never talk to new ppl? is there anyway of getting over my absolute fear of rejection and being laughed at ?

Sounds like paranoia gained from the media (ie TV) where you have probably picked up your other materialistic ways. You see actors coming up with line after line of clever wit/flurting written by a professional scriptwriter, then think your every word must also come off this way. You also see the majority of women dropping their panties instantly at the sight of a buff body/flash car/rich man (though these will no doubt help if you're just looking to get laid).

You need a smack to wake you up.

Just try to have a normal conversation as whitewashman said. It doesn't have to be perfect, just try holding her interest and inticing her. Your listed good qualities should take care of the rest

LegacyUser

I've had loads of normal chats before but i found they just lead into a dead end. The conversation would get too serious and just fizzle out.
Oh i dont know what to do. I've tried to do everything i can but it just doesnt work. Maybe some ppl are meant to be alone. Im kinda used to it now and just put all my time into training

WhiteWashMan

maybe you should buy yourself the litte book of funny, witty and interesting topics.
and then you would never run out of funny, witty or interesting things to talk about?

Gross Halfwit

Pigman II wrote:

From your writings you sound too narcissistic to be involved with anyone other than yourself.

Did you know that you referred to yourself in that piece no less than 71 times?

I got that imprssion too. No offence OP but you sound like the quintessential player. Fit, cocky, nice car (Why you mentioned that I don't know). Its obvious that you love yourself and think other peole should based on your physicality and material possessions. Girls probabll take one look at you and think that you are constantly on the game. You need to change that image. Be yourself. Treat women as equals and do not be afraid of rejection or confrontation. If some chick is checking you out, play up to it. Joke with them. Dont just walk off.

If you wanna meet a nice girl then stay away from clubs. Simple as.

nobodythere

I don't think you're narcissistic and materialistic, I think you have learned that these can be used as a wall to hide behind

Laguna

why_cant_i wrote:

Someone said i was self centred. i am definitely

I arrest my case

LegacyUser

isnt everyone nowadays...
arent the obese the most self obsessed?
I was hounded when i was young. scarred me pretty badly. the way you say it, its as if im a pr!ck for being like this.
I dont want to be like this, i didnt ask to bullied or bring it on myself. it happened. now i have to deal with it. i think i've dealt with it as best i can and became the best i can be while still extremly distrustful of people i dont know. id like to see how you'd deal with it...

Laguna

Don't we all have problems? None of us are perfect, do not all of us have imperfections?. You ask me how I'd deal with it, well for a start I wouldn't give a **** about other peoples opinions (the stem of insecurity) if I was obese. I think cancer/cerebal palsey etc., now they're things to worry about, obesity, it's not even comparable to problems/issues such as those. Finally, you don't know what I have had to face in my life as well as what I have to face now, so don't assume I'd just sit around wallowing in my own self obssessed pity like some people, I think I can give myself the creidt to say I'm currently facing a physical problem far beyond the trite subject that is obesity. The course of action is to do something about it, not whinge and hope someone points out the answer for you.

galwaydude

Why_cant_i

isnt everyone nowadays...arent the obese the most self obsessed?
I was hounded when i was young. scarred me pretty badly. the way you say it, its as if im a pr!ck for being like this.
I dont want to be like this, i didnt ask to bullied or bring it on myself. it happened. now i have to deal with it. i think i've dealt with it as best i can and became the best i can be while still extremly distrustful of people i dont know. id like to see how you'd deal with it...

Mate you should relax a bit.I was like you a few years back.I was bullied, had bad acne, was depressed because of roaccutane and all that but theres light at the end of the tunnel. You shouldnt be looking for a gf.Just take it easy and enjoy life and go out a bit and make new friends. When you least expect it you will meet someone like i did. Remember you dont need a gf to be happy, just be happy for yourself.I know its hard after been bullied all those years back but move on as those ppl are not worth it. I wish you the best of luck.Keep us posted.
Also remember women arent scarey, they are just like us in most ways.

Gross Halfwit

I know everyone deals with things in different ways but I was a fat kid. I got bullied a lot. But to deal with it I developed a personality not my credit card bill. A girl will not solve all the problems you may or may not have. Seek the peace you find in life within yourself before you drag a girl into your world.

You dig?