Some relationship advice please?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have been reader of this forum for a while now and have seen good advice being given out so I thought I would share my story.

I have another ‘not sure what he is thinking’ story.. telling it here is an aid to getting things straight in my head as much as getting people’s opinions on where to go from here.

I met this guy through a friend at a party about 2 months ago, we clicked instantly and met up a number of times, and I suppose ended up boyfriend/girlfriend... we’ve spent some fantastic weekends together – doing loads of stuff, having a lot of fun and just generally living it up.

Then about 2 weeks ago, he gets a promotion from work that he simply cannot refuse, which, involves moving to the UK. Now naturally, I was quite taken aback by this as was he and he kind of said ‘well I have a lot to consider with this.... including us..’ but also lots of other stuff including that he has a house and car here. So the issue of ‘us’ was kind of pushed under the carpet as we had a busy weekend ahead of us and he had to go to London the following week to sort out details etc.

We had a brilliant weekend but still didn’t really get around to talking about it.. and the week went by... the next weekend, we spent together as well, was busy and a lot of fun and still the topic of him moving to the UK didn’t come up. To be honest I was avoiding it as much as he might have been. He’s a pretty laid back guy and I’m pretty happy with how things are going - I didn’t want to jeopardise things by launching into a big discussion about ‘us’. I do know he has said to a couple of people that its sh*t what has happened and it was going great and we were just getting to know each other – and he has said to me that he will go over for 6 months anyway and see how he gets on and that we’ll “see how it goes”.. The problem is that I’m not sure what that means... and I’m kind of afraid to ask, I’m afraid that if I try, that it will come out all wrong and sound like I’m looking for some big commitment which I’m not - althought I would like for us to make a go of things. I would just like to know where I stand, if when he goes to the UK, if I should make the effort to keep things going, if we will visit eachoher etc. I don’t want to just let it go, but I don’t want to scare him off by coming across all heavy either.

The other problem is he’s off on holidays now and when he comes back he will basically be straight over to London. He said he would see me when he gets back so I guess we will meet up before he heads over....

Here’s the questions..
Am I being let down easily? Or is he presuming that by saying “we’ll see how it goes” that I know what that means?? I know we can’t assume things will go as smoothly as they have here when he’s away, and by see how it goes, I think he means we’ll continue to see eachother but are there other interpretations? Am i just over-thinking the whole thing??!
I guess we have to talk about it at some stage, but whats the best way to phrase what I want to say withough coming across all heavy?

I know I over analyze things but this is eating me up... I really like the guy, we’ve so much in common, and it sounds stupid and corny but I think we ‘get’ eachother – obviously it’s early days and he may not get that I’m even thinking all this stuff, in fact I'm pretty sure he hasn't thought about it even nearly as much as I have... but I want to make sure I don’t let this one go without a fight

Any thoughts?
Thanks in advance...

Sleepy

Not much help I'm afraid. it seems like you'll just have to wait for the conversation when he gets back from holidays. Let him bring it up, if he doesn't you can take it as a break up...

Attol

If you want to keep it going you should suggest a long distance relationship. It costs about €50 return to fly from England to Ireland and if you budget accordingly that is very doable. You could take it in turns to visit each other. That way nobody will be moving faster than you already were. Somehow after 2 months I don't think moving in together is the best option. You should wait, try the long distance thing and if it works one of you could move to where the other is?

jcoote

he's moving country and is about to take on a lot of responsibility in the new job so he is totally in over his head in that respect...

he surely has no idea how this is all gonna pan out... i don't think there is any doubt that u guys get n well and he doesn't wanna lose u (thats how i'm readin it anyway)..

so maybe he is using the good experiences u have had together and you as a gf as his bit of security or comfort zone if u like... i'd say he's ****tin it and doesn't wanna mess up something that may just be worth keepin...but on the other hand he may not be able to manage a gf while he gets on his feet and may just want to leave his options open and not commit to anythin when he doesn't know how things will work out...

i think he is bein pretty resonable about the whole thing but are u willing to take a gamble on waiting around for him ???

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys, is kind of what I was thinking already, is good to hear it from others though. Jcoote, you are right he is gonna have alot to deal with over the next while. I guess I'm just gonna have to be patient and hopefully we can make it work...

Fingers crossed

ADUB?

OP,
I'm really not sure on this one!
Its only 2 monthes so I'd gather that he is going to figure out on holiday how he feels. Think the holiday will be the decision maker or breaker cos he has space from relationship and time to think!
Its a real wait and see to be honest could be 50-50

WhiteWashMan

'we'll see how it goes' means he is not making any decision about anything except that he is going over to the UK to work.

whatever else happens happens.

that includes you.

are you being let down easy? probably not. youre probably not being let down at all, you are just being pushed to the side,and you will be dealt with when he gets round to actually thinking about it.

unless you are planning to move to england, and can will keep him company, then i would think youre new found relationship is over.

on the other han, what eactly is stopping you from also moving over?

if he is that important to you, why didnt you ask him when you had the chance?

LegacyUser

WWM - there is not much stopping me from moving over except it would be raher a dramatic move given the circumstances - it is definitely something I have thought about and I would do if he asked (or I asked and he agreed I suppose) - especially in a couple of months if it looks like it would be worthwhile.

Why didn't I ask him when I had the chace? Didn't want to ruin the moment I guess or make him think about more stuff when he's already got enough on him mind... or maybe I know at the back of my mind that you're right..... though I hope not...