Completely shattered

LegacyUser

Hi......... I'm compeltey polluted drunk as I write this but god knows I need all of your help. I am usually the person people turn to in times of crisis (Not blowing my own trumpet) I am so down at the moment. I was with a guy for three months who I thought was "the one". We broke up twice but he begged me back this time, sent me flowers rang consistantly etc. He finally came down to visit me today (has been away for the summer) we had a great day but ended up getting pollutted drunk and getting very emotional. He disclosed to me a lot about his past. I provided a shoulder to cry on. He then spoke about our relationship. He is a genuinely honest guy (too honest most of the time!) He said he was confused as a teenager, I asked him in what way, he said orientation wise. Bang. There it was. My biggest fear realised. My boyfriend was gay! He said he wasn't gay but felt guilty after cuming for a reason unknown to himself. I actually believe he isn't gay but am feeling so incredibly down. He got a cab and I told him if he got into the cab tha that was it, we were completley through. He got into the cab, and told me not to do anything "stupid". I was so angry at this comment, who does he think he is? Please help, I feel like I'll never meet a decent guy as he seemed so decent. Please don't post criticising replies as I really don't think I can deal with them. Thank u all xxx

Ladypawpaw

Broken wrote:

I was with a guy for three months who I thought was "the one". We broke up twice but he begged me back this time, sent me flowers rang consistantly etc.

Sounds like an unhealthy relationship already.

Broken wrote:

He said he was confused as a teenager, I asked him in what way, he said orientation wise. Bang. There it was. My biggest fear realised. My boyfriend was gay! He said he wasn't gay but felt guilty after cuming for a reason unknown to himself. I actually believe he isn't gay but am feeling so incredibly down.

so he was confused, big deal.

Both myself and my boyfriend were confused as teenagers (it is fairly normal).

My boyfriend kissed a couple of blokes when he was younger. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I snogged some girls when I was around 18/19 and I'm glad I tried it.

Why is it your biggest fear if someone you are seeing thought they were gay at one stage?

Broken wrote:

He got a cab and I told him if he got into the cab tha that was it, we were completley through. He got into the cab, and told me not to do anything "stupid".

mmm..ultimatums like that are pretty pointless. Maybe you shouldn't drink alcohol.

Broken wrote:

Please don't post criticising replies as I really don't think I can deal with them. Thank u all xxx

So you just want sympathy then?

Sounds to me like this relationship was a bit of a car-crash anyway. Sorry, but anyone that begs someone to get back with them has issues.

jcoote

in all fairness thats **** sorry to hear that .

well he was screwed up anyway if he acted that way after 3 months (trust me i did it after 2)...anyway i don't believe that someone can be 'the one' after that short period of time.

one thing u should try not feel is rejection or any sort of lowering of self esteem ...what he did was a very good thing...in his time of total confusion and mental struggles he tried to hold on to u and trusted u enough to cry on your shoulder and let u help him...thats realy great.

so u have lost your fella to homosexuality and its tough losing anyone u care about but its not the end of the world u guys struggled through 3 months of a relationship so take it as a learning experience and move on to the other fishes..its for the best..

SMILE!

LundiMardi

Broken wrote:

Hi......... I'm compeltey polluted drunk as I write this but god knows I need all of your help. I am usually the person people turn to in times of crisis (Not blowing my own trumpet) I am so down at the moment. I was with a guy for three months who I thought was "the one". We broke up twice but he begged me back this time, sent me flowers rang consistantly etc. He finally came down to visit me today (has been away for the summer) we had a great day but ended up getting pollutted drunk and getting very emotional. He disclosed to me a lot about his past. I provided a shoulder to cry on. He then spoke about our relationship. He is a genuinely honest guy (too honest most of the time!) He said he was confused as a teenager, I asked him in what way, he said orientation wise. Bang. There it was. My biggest fear realised. My boyfriend was gay! He said he wasn't gay but felt guilty after cuming for a reason unknown to himself. I actually believe he isn't gay but am feeling so incredibly down. He got a cab and I told him if he got into the cab tha that was it, we were completley through. He got into the cab, and told me not to do anything "stupid". I was so angry at this comment, who does he think he is? Please help, I feel like I'll never meet a decent guy as he seemed so decent. Please don't post criticising replies as I really don't think I can deal with them. Thank u all xxx

In all fairness, it's not like the guy cheated on you, as a matter of fact i'd say this guy is worse off. He's gay, only really admitting it when he's drunk, which tells me he's not overy rejoiced of the fact. Now he has to 'come out', something which is not easy for gay people, or so i would have thought.

So what do you do now? I say you should respect his choices and not take them personal, he's gay ffs, he can't help it. You were only with him for 3 months, not a lifetime, you also broke up twice in that time, just thank your lucky stars you found out now rather than in 3 kids time.

You should also learn not to drown your sorrows in a bottle, it's never gives that cloud a silver lining.

LegacyUser

Thank u all for your replies. Must reiterate though, he's NOT gay just really confused in life in general. I'm 99% sure he's not gay.

LundiMardi

yeah he's gay methinks.

tirl

you say it was your biggest fear.why? and it is really not up to you to say if he is gay or not. He is obviously going through hell at the moment and your attitude ain't helping. after just 3 months and a break while he was away, can you honestly say that he was going to be your life partner. Give him a break and just support him instead of trying to change him

LegacyUser

Why do u seem so sure he is gay? I mean, in my opinion, he's a really genuine, honest guy who is going through a hard time but isn't necessarily gay. I really don't know why it's my biggest fear it just is

ADUB?

That Guy needs to work out for himself what he wants/is
Gay or not
He sounds confused, and such situation will only wreak your head and drive you nuts.
He needs space to work it out for himself and that could take days or years
Nothing you can do but move on
Thats my 2cent

ADUB?

Another way of summing up what I was trying to say is

You can lead a Horse to water BUT you cant make the horse drink

I.E. you cant make him gay or straight with all the best wishing (on your part) in the world
Plus you cant clear everything up for him, he has to figure it out for himself
You can only be there and guide him, for how ever long that takes, some people never figure out what they want/are

LegacyUser

Thanks ADUB. Thats exactly what I've been thinking. I don't think he's gay, he has a lot of issues in his past and I think he needs to resolve them. I care deeply for him and I know he feels the same for me. I feel so bad for freaking out at him when he spoke about being confused in general (not sexually) I told him yest how bad I felt and how I wish him the best. He's away for the summer so I think it best to cut all contact. I'd love if, somewhere down the line, that I could be there for him as a friend and a shoulder but I need some time for myself first to let go of him and understand what I want.